Made New.

I've been ruminating over several posts I want to undertake, but today I had a great analogy (or at least a partial analogy) that I thought would be interesting to think about and share.

I can't get over how fascinating all the rock and mineral science is. It seems so odd to me! How can something without organs, cells, or blood be living? I know rocks aren't really living, but as a child, my idea of what counts as living was fairly limited. Humans are alive. Animals are alive, but not as "awake" as humans, without the same kind of soul God gave people. Plants, well, that was weird to think of them as being alive... they don't even have brains! Plants breathe? Even weirder.

As I've grown in my knowledge in various fields of science, it makes more sense how these other things live. Their cells operate in ways they are pre-programmed to operate, which makes them count as being alive even without a brain telling them what to do. It's actually crazy to see that still today, people cannot figure out HOW a plant seed gets its RNA all pre-programmed to do the things it is supposed to do. As a Creationist, I chuckle. If I were a scientist who did not believe in God, I would be philosophically stumped. It has to start somewhere!

But rocks are different. They don't have "their own" cells. They are comprised of elements and minerals, which don't do what cells do. They don't have genetic material or RNA to tell them what to do. How they form is more based on chemical or atomic level reactions to each other and the environment they are placed in. So while rocks do change, and minerals interact with the world, and crystals grow, they are not alive in the same way.

All this started to form an interesting idea in my brain after I browsed the petrified wood gallery at the Rice NW Museum of Rocks and Minerals. Some of the same kinds of wood had been petrified in different circumstances, different places around the world, and had totally different coloration. So even though they started out with the same material, they were changed and made new with completely different minerals.

This is like how God changes us.

Now, my analogy definitely breaks down (as most do), and my analogy can kind of be flipped backwards in another sense (we don't become dead and hard, but more alive with God's Spirit in us). But here is one way to look at it.

We are all human, and we all start out being made of the same exact material. All these materials come together in a unique way to make something different, but the fundamentally the same. Like Conifer trees, we are all the "same" but all slightly different too. Put that same tree in a different location, bury it under different materials than its brother tree and give it lots of time and pressure, and you will have a tree that is filled in and made different than the original used to be, or than a brother tree buried in a different place will be.

We all undergo change. God puts us in all kinds of circumstances throughout our lives that no one else will identify with 100% of the time. As we break down, He fills us in, giving us what we need in the moment. And what we get filled with might be different than what another person gets filled with. Multiply that process 1000 times over and you get people who started out with all the same material but become completely different.

My life will look different from yours, because God is filling it in with what He knows I need. God is filling in the parts of you that are dying, or no longer supporting life with the pieces of Himself that He is giving through the other people or circumstances in your life. It adds a different coloring, a different sheen, a different look. Your life may end up looking brilliant, with glorious and varied colors. Or, it may look a bit dull to some, with consistent marks of a steady, perhaps even monotonous, life.

We cannot compare them as worse or better. If you are a Christian, your life brings glory to God, no matter what ups and downs you encounter. All the petrified wood was amazing because it is an incredibly fascinating function of nature, and all lives that chase after God are glorious because they reveal the wonder of the Master. Pink, blue, brown, white, or black, the petrified wood was a testimony of what nature does with dead things: it makes them into something else. Something amazing.

God does the same. He makes our lives amazing, not just because of what they consist of, but because He is using it to bring glory to Himself. If that glory is through hardship, death, or toil, it is still glorious (and often is even more so). If that glory is blessing, beauty, and miracles, it is still just as amazing. Why? Because God's glory is not about your individual story in the end. It's about revealing Himself. And what an amazing gift it is to be a part of that! The petrified wood got to be a part of nature's preserving process and it beautiful because of that process, instead of just dead and gone as it would have been without having first died and been buried. We too will become glorious forever despite the natural process of being dead and gone, all because of God's unfathomable goodness.

Our Day.

Today I am really too tired to write. I would rather read, draw, or just sit here and watch a show with my husband. But, I'm SO close to finishing this month the way I hoped, so I'm here. Writing.

I'll just tell you a little about our day and maybe it'll be a quick, fun read for you.

To start things off, CrossFit! Yay, right? Hahaha! It's my "normal" routine to go at 6:30am, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. While CC is in session I don't often go on Wednesdays, so I've been subbing it with working out on the treadmill at home that day. Anyway, I was up early (kind of against my will), trying to be diligent and get things done. It was fine. I love all the weightlifting stuff and pretty much despise all the cardio stuff, so today's 50 burpees and 30 cals on the bike were not the most fun, but the 30 High Hang Cleans were actually the fun part. Too bad they were at the end.

Go home, shower, eat, get ready, make sure kids are ready, and so forth. We had a field trip planned today for the Rice NW Museum of Rocks and Minerals. The kids and I had been there before a few years ago when we were in Cycle 1 and studying lots of geology. Before, a friend and I had gone with our kids on our own, apart from a group, so we didn't get the official tour. This time though, we got to  to with a bunch of our CC friends and experience the real deal, and it was fabulous!

I guess their museum is in the top 10 largest collections in the United States! We started out with learning the three types of rock (which the kids actually just started working on memorizing this week) and learning more about the rock cycle. Then we watched a video about these amazing Rhodochrosite crystals that were discovered and mined from Alma, Colorado. The museum has one called the Alma Rose and it is pretty fantastic.

There was a whole lower level with petrified wood too. It was amazing to see all the different types and colors of minerals and rock that filled in and petrified the wood. Over on my Instagram I posted some of my favorites.

The best part of the museum was definitely the Rainbow Gallery. There were crystals and rocks of all kinds of colors. It's amazing to see the different shapes, textures, and saturation of color that are all possible in rocks! I'm a sucker for anything close to aqua, naturally :)

After our field trip, we brought home a good friend's son and the kids had a grand old time. There was lots of happy fighting, not so happy fighting, football, lunch, and even a little schoolwork. I busted out our big rock set and our really thorough rock book, but the kids only stuck around for about 15 minutes or so. Of course, I just sat and had some learning time for myself while they played.

The kids then finished up the last bits of their schoolwork and had a little screen-time before Mark came home. We did our traditional pizza and family movie night, and sent the kids to bed. And now, here I am. Sitting at my computer, nursing a bit of a headache (definitely didn't drink enough water today), and oh so ready for bed.

It was a fairly fun day. Nothing crazy, but just good. I actually kind of wished I had brought a notebook with me to the museum at one point, that tells you what a nerd I've become. There is just SO much to know about rocks and minerals... I feel like I learned next to nothing about it in all my schooling. Just one more reason I homeschool - it's great to be able to learn about subjects that are so grossly dismissed in school but are fields of interest that have many applications, both professional and for leisure or hobbies.

How was your day? Anything incredible happen? Anything interesting that made your day?

Book Problems.

If there is such thing as having a "book problem" I am sure I am in trouble.

How do you gauge a legitimate book problem anyway? Because, I have at least 10, maybe 20 books that I have purchased yet not been able to get to reading yet. I am also unwilling to look through my Amazon orders and see how many books were purchased this year. That number might be a little too large to deal with.

When we got bookshelves in our homeschool room this summer I was so relieved. I had stacks of various kinds of books lined up against one of the walls. I thought for sure that my new shelves would store everything, help me clear out some other shelves and areas upstairs, and leave me with space for more books (just what I needed). But yeah, all those shelves are currently full, well, overflowing might be a better description.

So what do you do? I told my husband that my problem was simply too few bookshelves.

We had an empty space that is perfectly sized for a bookshelf, so when my husband got a new shelf for his office (which he really did need), I convinced him to buy a matching one for that space upstairs. And it looks SO nice! But, I learned a good lesson about bookshelves.

It helps when they have sides!

These shelves are all cool, very minimalistic, and just have these iron-looking frames, so if I want to stack my books upright and proper, I'll need to go and buy some legitimate book-ends.

Non-fiction is definitely my genre of choice. I love reading about learning skills, or philosophy, or about the lives of real-life people. I've been gathering more Christian Biographies too, as they are just so faith-building and encouraging, in all the most valuable ways. I've been slowly gathering books on art, both instructional and for looking/discussing qualities, and that pace has gone up a few notches over the last few months.

My husband has no mind's eye (like actually zero ability to see anything in his head) so he reads zero fiction. It's too hard for him to try and keep the story in his mind without seeing anything in his imagination. He's great at reading fiction out loud to the kids though. His voices are always SO much better than mine... plus he doesn't cry at sad parts like I do. Seriously, The Penderwicks in Spring has got me bawling in every stinking chapter. My kids are pretty over it and sometimes offer to read the parts that I cannot read without crying.

Books about writing, and now about reading too, are all over the place here in my home. Have they made me a better writer? Eh, it's debatable. I think I've actually become a better writer more from reading incredible writers, since one of my best talents is paying attention. I'm excited to read Reading Like a Writer and see what else I can glean.

I hope if you don't have a book problem right now, you'll make some headway on that. It is a beautiful (though sometimes depressing) thing to be surrounded by an abundance of books. I am never as alone as I feel, and my books are a gateway to feeling at one with history and remembering the presence of my God who created it all.

Starting With Fear?

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." 

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."

Proverbs 9:10

"The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short."

Proverbs 10:27

"In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge."

Proverbs 14:26

"The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death."

Proverbs 14:27

I didn't have to search long to find more than a couple verses about the fear of the LORD. And I know talking about "fearing the LORD" is not very popular these days. We like to think of God as this super-friendly, cuddly, sweet, overflowing with grace-type of God. And He definitely overflows with grace, but fear is still the place to start and still something we need to work through. 

It wasn't until thinking and studying about what it means to Know God that I began to understand the fear of the LORD in its proper place. I still have not spent a ton of time looking at everything about "fearing God" but I gained a better perspective, and I hope what I share will be insightful and helpful for you too. 

If you look back and read my posts about Knowing God, you will read a little about the analogy of a mountain. I know things about Mt. Hood, being a long-time Oregonian, but I don't know Mt. Hood the same way my friend Pearce knows Mt. Hood. He has climbed it, helped with rescue teams, and even co-wrote a book regarding mountain safety and rescue. He can probably tell you all about what you should or shouldn't do, and what to do if you find yourself in a pickle. He would tell you that is all begins with the right amount of fear of the mountain. 

Suppose you decide to climb Mt. Hood but you have no fear or regard for what the mountain is like. You don't care to know what happens when you climb ice, what it's like to sleep out in the snow, what happens when you try to scale terrain that is unstable, or what kind of animals you might encounter along the way. How do you think your climb is going to go? It is the same as our walk with God. 

If we consider our walk with the Lord as a journey on a mountain, the analogy makes a lot of sense. There is no sense learning about the mountain if we don't intend to experience it firsthand. And it is pure foolishness to embark on a journey up the mountain if we don't understand the gravity of what can happen when we don't regard the conditions and the atmosphere of the mountain. We cannot go to God expecting everything to just be jolly well and good; we need a healthy dose of fear. 

To be straight, we don't need to fear our standing with God. If you believe and then follow Christ, you are totally set. But we still need to take what God commands with utmost sincerity. It's not a joke, a suggestion, or a "your life might be better if you do these things" type of situation. It is a healthy thing to fear the consequences of a life lived as a "Christian" but not actually lived in obedience. This is exactly what Jesus talks about in Matthew 7. 

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."

Matthew 7:21

Jesus further explains that a mere willingness to do spiritual things is different from actually obeying God. Do you fear that in your own life? That you are not actually following God but just doing the spiritual stuff that seems "Christian"? That fear should spur you to Know God better, to find out what it really means to live for Him and pursue that earnestly. 

Don't just seek to travel up the mountain and have a good time. Know with gravity the seriousness of situations you might encounter. Know how situations ought to be approached. Study, research, ask other people questions. 

Eternity and God are far more important things to learn about than any mountain experience. Begin with the right kind of fear, and let it lead to a confident knowing. Let that knowing guide you and bring you security and joy. Don't get caught up in the idea that we shouldn't fear God; it is the beginning of the best things you can learn about Him and experience through Him. 

Your Calling is Now.

Last year, I chose the word "Called" as my word of the year. I don't normally do that, and I had been scoffing at my friends who did (sorry!). But when I stopped for a moment to think about what my word might be, Called instantly came into my mind and ideas started instantly zooming across my mind.

I really enjoyed going through almost a full 12 months of thinking, praying, and studying over different things we are Called to in the bible. I can say with all sincerity that it changed my life. Not that I was headed in a direction totally opposed to the direction I am headed today, but now I feel armed and prepared.

When you write, your best ideas come from the struggles you have waded through. You can write from a place of pain, but it shows. You can also write on a topic you have not experienced, but it's likely that someone writing with that experience will relate better to their readers. And watch out if you are writing about something you regularly struggle with or are challenged by, because chances are, you are going to struggle, wrestle, become weighed down by, and possibly feel nearly defeated by whatever that challenge is. I know, because I am still wrestling! But, God is giving me moments of victory along the way, and I'm tucking them aside and writing them down just for you :)

The centerpiece of my Called mission is that we are not Called to do something tomorrow, next week, or far off down the road. We are Called to do things today. Sure, maybe today's obedience includes saying yes to an engagement that will happen next week, or next month, or even next year, but you are still acting in the now. Now is all we ever have. Everything else is "as the Lord wills".

I read a saying last week that I really love. One that really convicted me years ago, and one that still inspires me today. The old African proverb says...

"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

Isn't that the truth? If we didn't start something in the past, the next best time to get it done is today, right now. 

A friend of mine also posted this quote this week (I don't know anything about this man, so go do your own research and have your own opinion if it bothers you that I am quoting him.) by Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

"Now is the best time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be."

Now is the only moment you have to make any kind of decision. It's very cliché to say that you never know what tomorrow will bring, or that you are not guaranteed tomorrow, I know. But the reason it is said so often is because it completely true and we forget it over and over again. 

God is not telling you to be someone tomorrow that He wouldn't want you to pursue being today. If you feel God nudging you toward a certain career field, ministry, or life of service, the only thing you can do about it is act accordingly today. Daydreaming, brainstorming about what it might be like, and trying to "figure it all out" will only waste the time you have today to actually prepare. 

With three growing children, a husband with a demanding job, and with myself homeschooling and trying to run things at home (along with all my artistic and entrepreneurial endeavors), I realize how much of my early-married life I spent thinking about my future in a way that inhibited my growth. All those hours of watching TV, sitting in movie theaters, perusing the mall... I could have made such better use of the time! But I was not living in reality. I was living with a hope that someday a great opportunity would find me, but I failed to prepare in any meaningful way. 

I still wrestle with taking advantage of my "now" in a way that would make me qualified to write a book about it, but I see growth and I desperately want it. I have the tools to remind myself of the truth in God's word about what He desires from me, and what I will receive from Him. I am getting better at preventing paralysis based on comparison or regret. I still have weak moments, rough days, and often have to swallow the sour drink of missed opportunities, but they don't have to define what I can do right now. 

That is the best part about "now": as long as I am living, I have a brand new Now to take advantage of! If I messed up yesterday, and I wake up again this morning - boom! I can try again. If I totally went the wrong direction two hours ago, I have a choice about what I do right now. Will I choose to let daydreams or my past determine these decisions today? Or will I let God's truth, God's fresh mercies, and God's everlasting source of power and discernment guide my choices?

I'm sure it's a lifelong struggle, but I will tuck every victory into my belt and let it remind me next week, or tomorrow, or even later tonight, that God enables me to do, right now, exactly what He is Calling me to do. 

If you didn't plant that tree 20 years ago, 10 years ago, last year, or even yesterday, it doesn't mean you can't plant it today. Go for it!

The Real Challenge.

Why is it so hard to actually write?

Even though I have plenty to say, plenty of thoughts running through my head, plenty of things I'm working through and working on, it's still difficult to sit and write something I know will be "published" here on the blog. I'm not sure if putting every single one of my daily-writings here is actually wise, but I weren't doing so I'm not exactly sure I would keep going.

Right now, I still need to be finishing up my final post from my Called series I did last year. I'm also working on a book proposal for all of that, but I got kind of stuck on my benefit statements. I wrote out a few, got a bunch of input from many of my writer friends, and got some good feedback from an author I sat under at a conference for a few days. It turns out they were more like "teaching" statements, where I explained what I would be sharing and teaching, but not so much about what the reader would receive. I was really encouraged by this author's input and I didn't take her advice lightly. Maybe that's why I've been avoiding working on them?

When I was in college, my high jumping ability really took off (probably because of my amazing coach and his well-planned training schedules). I finally jumped over my height (too bad I'm not taller) and then my approach began to get all wonky. My coach once asked me why I was so scared to do well, to achieve the most I could. At first I thought he was crazy to suggest that I was actually afraid of how good I could become, but that question has really stuck with me.

Why am I afraid to be my best self?

I don't want to get overly self-absorbed; I truly want to be whatever it is that God wants me to be. I also think we often use that as an excuse to be less than we could, to work less hard than we ought, and to lay aside dreams God has given us claiming they are selfish and self-serving. And I'm sure many of them are.

But what about those desires that are really from God?

What if God put these unquenchable things in me because He never wants me to be able to stop doing them? What if I cannot get a pursuit out of my head because God doesn't want me to forget about it? What if we put down those pursuits because we are actually afraid of what being excellent at something will require of us?

I sometimes wish I had stuck with track and field longer. I definitely don't think I was at the end of my potential, but I also didn't feel like I wanted it bad enough to justify the amount of time and effort it would require. For me, much of the desire to be good was rooted in wanting other people to recognize me as good. I was also convinced (and still am) that I would not regret putting that aside once I arrived in heaven. These days, I mostly just regret not staying in better shape since!

My writing is something different though. I cannot put it aside. I often wish I could and go through fairly regular cycles of attempting to put it down. I'm not saying I'm excellent at it yet, or that I will ever be well-known for being outrageously good, but for some reason my conscience won't let me stop doing it. And I'm still trying to figure out why I keep wanting to stop.

Is it because it's hard and often lonely?

Is it because of the vulnerability a writer has to endure each time they publish anything?

Is it because I fear the high demands that might be put upon me if I actually do a great job?

I think it's a combination of these things and more, and I'm working to overcome all those doubts, fears, and worries. For now, I'm doing this. Showing up, writing about something (anything), and trying to remember that no work done for the Lord is wasted. I may not see the value, but I am trying to tell myself that it is there. This has definitely been a challenge but I believe it is worth pursuing.

What challenges are you working through? Internal or external, fighting through them is in itself an endeavor that will build strength and courage. Just keep going.

Gratitude Does Not Come From Comparison.

We all know that comparing ourselves to other is not good. But there's a trend I see happening, a trend that I am so sick of seeing promoted, that I am finally going to try and tackle it here on my blog. It will by no means be exhaustive, but I hope it gets your wheels turning.

When you are doing something wrong, or bad, or destructive, we are usually given advice on how to turn it around. We are commonly told to do the opposite of whatever it is. If you are thinking destructive thoughts about yourself, think positive instead. If you are feeling jealous about someone, pray for their well-being. If you are having trouble liking someone, serve them to help guide your heart in the right direction.

Advice for feeling grateful is all over the place. One method for feeling more grateful is to look at how much you have, but it usually turns to looking at what you have compared to others. This never sits well with me, and yesterday I ran into another instance. I'm reading a book on how to raise grateful children, and the author tells of a time when her children were being crabby and cranky several days after Christmas. Her and her husband decided that her children needed to serve.

At first I agreed, but I was thinking they would serve each other. Then she describes that her children needed to see how little other people had to give them a more accurate depiction of how much they had to be grateful for. And this is where I kind of lose my cool.

The less fortunate should not be used as a tool to magically produce our family's well-being.

This is not how gratitude ought to be taught!

We are ungrateful when we think we deserve to have more than we possess, or when we think what we have isn't enough. Yes, we often form what we think we ought to have around what other people have, and that is comparison. Being grateful for what we have based on how little other people have or how hard other people's lives are is just another form of comparison!

So yes, we still need to try to correct ourselves by doing the opposite of ingratitude, but the example above is not the opposite, it's just backwards. The opposite of ingratitude is gratitude, but the perspective by which we gain it should not be getting a better perspective of the less fortunate. We should never serve the poor in order to learn a lesson about how much we really have. We should serve the poor because we want to bless the poor, because we want to love them, because we want to show them that they are not alone and left destitute.

Our twisted reasons for serving the poor are probably why the poor are not served quite so often. It's foolish and wrong to let our family get their dose of gratitude and then go on its merry way.

The only way to have true, lasting gratitude is to know with absolute certainty that what we have now, and what we will have later, will always be enough. Not because other people have less, but because we trust that our God will grant us "all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). The problem is we don't want that. We don't always want the kind of life He wants for us. That verse continues on that it is through the knowledge of God, the one who calls us to His own excellence and glory, that we find everything we need.

Gratitude is not won by seeing how little other people have, or how much we have compared to others. It's won by seeing that what God gives us is enough.

Listing what you are grateful for is a powerful tool to straighten out your mind, but someday it might be that the only things you can list and are things not in this world. If we trust only the things we have here and now to bring us gratitude, we are banking on something temporal, and as Christians, our gratitude needs to be built on something far more sturdy.

So please don't tell your kids to be grateful because someone else has less; it's a comparison trap. Don't go serve the poor because your want your children to see how fortunate they are compared to the homeless or the struggling; it's selfish. Tell your kids they can be grateful that God will provide for them everything they need to live for Him, and then encourage them to set their hearts on that kind of life; a life that lives free from the cares of the world. Not free from caring about the world, but free from caring about what they get from the world.

Stop comparing backwards. Start being grateful for all the things we can only get from God. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17