On Writing Honestly.

To write, or not to write. That is the question.

This is always the question for me it seems. Struck with an idea, thinking about something powerful, listening to a song that gives me goosebumps... do I try to explain it? Do I attempt to transform my intense emotions into words? I feel a desperate pull to make you understand.

But for what? Why do you need to understand? The first reason that comes to my head is because it has changed me. Whatever thought, emotion, or inspirational idea I just had gave me hope, helped me endure, caused me to move into action, pointed me to God's truth, or blessed me with peace.

This is important to me lately because I am seeing how what I believe about myself does not line up with what others believe about me or what God says about me. I live with the lie that who I am, what I have to offer, might not matter. I fear no one wants it.

It's hard to even write that. Part of me feels almost arrogant to say it. Silly, yes? What is arrogant in admitting you believe something dreadful about yourself? Maybe I still question if it is true or not. Maybe admitting it frightens me because I am finally willing to admit I cannot keep living that way. Maybe it's scary to start believing the truth more than just occasionally.

This all comes out now from a number of experiences. One being my friend Astrid's 30 day writing challenge. Her willingness to write every day, whatever she feels like writing, without editing, encouraged me to attempt the same, at least today. Another reason I sat to write this is from the lessons Lysa Terkeurst taught this past weekend on rejection and how to get your very best idea out of your soul. She says that we often believe a story about ourselves that isn't true and that our best idea is often born out of our struggles.

The last reason I am putting this out there is actually about 50 reasons, 50 people to be exact. Well, not exact, as I have lost count of the women to spoke into my life this weekend. But all of them seemed to see something in me I cannot. The way they listened with enthusiasm, the way they asked me questions about my life, the way they all said they were excited to see what God will make out of this very unsure month or two of my life recently... it's got me questioning how and why I question myself.

So, I sat down to write. Ever so briefly, but honestly. To try and really put my mind into these little keys and see what happened. To practice stating my honest thoughts and perhaps come up with reasons, inspiration, and encouragement to keep trying it over and over again. I won't lie, I hope it moves you the way it's changing me. And I do hope something beautiful comes from all of it.