After a short hiatus for our move, I signed up to read and review another book! Thank you to
The Blythe Daniel Agency,
BlogAbout, and
Leafwood Publishers for providing me with this book to read, and an extra copy to give away! There are affiliate links included in this post.
I'm not exactly sure what answer I would have given if someone had asked me exactly what that secret is. I'm sure it would revolve around scheduling more time for reading the bible, prayer, serving others (definitely the husband, right?) and those sorts of things. I can't say I was surprised by what the author
Jen Weaver says, but somehow it all still caught me off guard. If you are a newly-wed, or getting married soon, I think this book will spare you LOTS of heartache, miscommunication mishaps, and frustration. It would make a great wedding gift!
The format of her book is very practical. Each chapter is a blessing we receive from the way we act toward our husbands and our marriage, and not just the things we do, but really the way we treat our spouses and our relationship with them.
I'm in a weird phase of life these days. Our lives have had so much upheaval, strain, and demands, marriage investment has not exactly been our top priority. We have been more intentional with date nights lately, and while I know (and probably anyone who interacts with me knows) that I've been less than my best self, I attribute most of it to lack of sleep and the high demands of homeschooling while pursuing so many other endeavors. However, after reading just a couple chapters of this book, I see how my treatment of my spouse really does kill my own joy and make everyone's lives more difficult.
At the end of each chapter there is a little quiz to take in order to help you analyze what your "wifestyle" is, such as Frayed or Braided, Duel or Dance, and MVP or Dream Team. While I could easily tell you the things we should aim for in living with our husbands, I was kind of in denial about how many of these I "failed" or how often the keywords she suggest described me, such as Combative, Entitled, Weary, Frustrated, and Indifferent.
Overall, this book was a gentle wake-up for me. It's incredibly hard to swap out my self-preserving habits for offering the best of myself to my husband. I want to say I don't know why, but I'm confident it is a combination of the attacks of the enemy and my own selfish desires. But the daily choosing to serve myself first? Goodness. Ladies, we cannot keep choosing to invest primarily in our own self-serving desires and expect our husbands to enjoy loving us too. We think we know what we need, and we are convinced God cannot fulfill us while following and serving our flawed men.
Big. Fat. Lie.
So today, I would say that the biggest secret to a happy marriage is surrender to God's ways. Yes, that includes submission, and allowing your husband to be in charge. But here is a great quote by Jen near the end of the book. "Being in charge means stewarding resources, receiving counsel, and taking care of the people you lead." Letting our husbands be in charge is for our benefit. Not because we are incapable, but because a team needs one leader. It doesn't mean he controls you, or dictates your every more. Your husband is capable of being a leader, but you need to be willing to wait, support, pray, love, and serve as God grows your husband into his role and shapes your family along the way. Jen is quick to draw lines between abuse and neglect, so don't fear being told to basically sit down and shut up - you won't be hearing that from her!
The few things in the book that I didn't love were more just based on writing style. There are some things that seem a little trite, or more cliché than I prefer, but her points and wisdom are spot on. It's not a deep, theological, or philosophical book. She doesn't go into the depths of marital problems, but her advice is rooted in truth and she gives us SO many practical tips. Most of all, she points us to Christ, and that is where we always need to start.
Are you ready to win? Ready to swallow a bit of pride and courageously face where you can work to improve your marriage? I know you can. If I can get through it with hope and positivity, you totally can :)
a Rafflecopter giveaway
I hope that you will keep an open heart and mind about this book. I know I was a bit skeptical at first, but there are so many valuable pieces of advice here, you would be wrong to dismiss it right away.
Come back on Monday morning and I will announce the winner!
