Tuesday, January 8, 2019

A List.

Today's prompt was to write a list. I thought of a bunch of different kinds of lists I could make but none of them seemed that great.

Again, it's the whole "whatever I do must be original, amazing, and the best ever" type of thought-process that keeps me from actually doing stuff. So, it might be boring, but I'll throw out a list here and see what happens.

Art Supplies I was recently gifted or purchased myself:

- calligraphy set
- calligraphy books
- calligraphy ink
- table-top, medium-sized easel
- a small, blank canvas (my sweet middle-child spent his own gift-money on it for me)
- a variety of gel pens
- Tombow Fudenosuke brush pens
- Tombow Dual Brush Pens
- Calligraphy Made Easy - this book is not "real" calligraphy... it has calligraphic elements, but doing the "real" thing with a legitimate nib is WAY harder. Though, I am LOVING this book and highly recommend it for anyone wanting to learn brush-lettering
- blank sketch book (THIS one - so lovely!)
- Pentel water brush pens
- How to Draw Modern Florals - this book is pretty straightforward, but super helpful!

There might be a few more things too. I basically used all the money Mark gave me to spend on my birthday on books and art supplies. I'm trying to embrace my inner artist more - it's one thing I regret not pursuing more intentionally.

It's odd really. I was extremely athletic (still am, just not in decent shape) and very artistic, but those are two career fields most teachers and leaders in the school system seem to try and steer you away from. In college I had momentarily decided to minor in Art (under my Writing and Lit major) but felt like I was so far behind that I could never really do it. I had a roommate for one semester who was an art major, and she was always behind on some major project and I never felt like I had the capacity or tools/knowledge to do anything remotely as well as she did.

This new thing I'm working on is a lesson I am still learning. Honestly, like this very minute.

Making a little progress is better than doing nothing. 

I'm pretty sure this idea comes up a lot on my blog. I'd rather just give up than progress only a tiny bit and still be so far from where I wish I was. But inaction and regret will just keep me here. So this year I am really attempting to do less of what my head says is realistic, and do more of the things I really wish I had been doing before. Which includes a lot of art.

I had a conversation once, with the same friend who previously encouraged me to try this 31-day writing challenge, and we talked about looking at great works of art. I told her that I look at paintings and feel a tiny rush of adrenaline, then a little jealousy, wishing I could paint something beautiful too. She looked at me and said "I think you should probably do something about that, because I don't have that feeling at all, and I don't think everyone does."

So, I am hopeful to make some good progress in that endeavor this year. Thus the abundance of art supplies I've begun to collect :) We'll see how it goes. It's hard to only be "average" and feel like I don't know how I'm supposed to do stuff, but the only way to overcome that is to keep moving forward.

Monday, January 7, 2019

The Power to Change.

I had the weirdest dreams last night. And they almost kept me from getting up and heading to CrossFit.

When my alarm went off, I was reeling and trying to sort things out. I was also scared that there might be wall-balls in the workout and was seriously dreading the idea. I lay there wondering how badly I really needed to go. During our weeks with CC I haven't been going to CrossFit on Wednesdays because the schedule just makes it too difficult (read: I'm unwilling to go at the hours available to me those days), so while CC is not in session I have been trying really hard to go three times per week. However, with holidays, visitors, and a few late nights, I only made it happen just last week.

The thought of only having one more week to hit the gym three times guaranteed (maybe for six weeks) was the final thought that pulled me out of bed.

My workout was great. I was sweating buckets, had beat my previous time, and got to thinking about everything on the way home.

In my dream, there was this man who was bossing everyone around, but not just in an annoying or frustrating way. He was manipulative, deceiving, and ruining lives by keeping people stuck in the weird vortex/dream-land we were all in. He was testing me and challenged me to see if I could change the glass of milk he was about to drop and pour out. At the very last moment, I was able to change the glass of milk into a glass of water, and then it disappeared.

After that, a couple other totally random and weird things happened, and the woman I was with realized that I had the power to stop things, to change things. We ran around trying to stop what we needed in order to get people out of the vortex, which included a black and white dog getting bathed, another dog just hanging out, and creating a hole in a random room.

No, it did not make a lot of sense.

But, when I thought about the power it was holding over me, about the weight it was when I first woke up, about the idea about having the power to change things, and the ability to stop things, it all began to make a lot more sense.

Don't we often let external circumstances control us? Don't you ever have something happen to you and then make a bunch of bad decisions afterwards because it all just felt too hard?

This is what I almost did this morning. I almost let a bad feeling from a dream keep me from making the progress I want to make. And I wonder how often all of us do this. I know many of my decisions about what I am going to work on or work towards are based on how I am feeling in the moment.

But to change lives and change our world, we have to change the way we make decisions.

Decisions need to be based on more than just how difficult or challenging a situation feels.

Decisions shouldn't be based on what we think the outcome might be (i.e. make me too tired, cost me too much, not work out exactly as planned).

Decisions ought to be made with a clear knowledge of the advantages, a knowledge of right and wrong, and a clear understanding of where we want to go.

I was amazed at how little it took this morning to almost keep me in bed. How much am I missing out on because I don't think I have what it takes to make the progress I want to make? I'm so often intimidated by the difficulty of the path ahead, but that thought-process is holding me back.

Maybe you need the kick in the pants like I do. We all have the power to change. There's no guarantee that you will change anything other than yourself, but I do believe that we impact the people around us by simply existing near them, and any positive change in your life is sure to bleed into the lives of others. Don't bank on what that outcome will be, but trust that God will use it as blessing as you choose to honor Him with the fullness of your life.

I pray that you have the courage, desire, and vision to pursue the life God is calling you toward.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Telling Stories.

Deciding to do this 500 word daily writing challenge was kind of a big deal for me. I'm very "all or nothing", or at least I used to be, and the fear of trying to do something but not being able to do it "all the way" or to the very best of my ability can be pretty daunting. The last thing I wanted to do was to sign up for something, tell everyone I was going to do it, and then mess up. 

I know, I know, messing up is not that big a deal. If I missed a day, who cares, right? 

On one hand, yes, who really cares? It wouldn't be that big of a deal. I'm not under any sort of contract, it's not even like a ton of people are reading these or expecting one from me every day, but I simply detest the idea of not finishing something like this. 

One the other hand, what is the point of doing a challenge if I'm not going to take it seriously? Why  bother if I'm just okay with missing a day because it was "too hard" or "too inconvenient" to get it done? 

That's the achiever in me talking. But, the achiever is part of who I am. It's what has enabled me to do all the things I've done. I don't think many of them are worth noting individually, but overall I get a lot done because I love having gotten stuff done. And I owe it to the "random" innate personality and drive that the good Lord has given me. 

When I decided to do this challenge, I also registered on Jeff Goins' website to receive the daily emails about this challenge. They often give a little prompt to get you going or some advice on how to follow through. Today's prompt was to write a story about someone. I'm trying to figure out why that is so hard for me! 

I think it's Annie Dillard who says that you should just write the truth about people. If they weren't nice to you, then that's their problem (paraphrasing here). Don't worry about what they think! 

I don't really have stories that would be very mean to tell, maybe just a few. Probably mostly about boys in Jr High or Highschool. The thing is, I'm not sure if I can even tell stories well. I think that I'm pretty good at explaining things, coming up with good analogies, and teaching concepts, but when it comes to telling stories, I feel like I have no idea where I stand. 

Maybe part of that is because I haven't tried to write any "real" stories yet, and how can I know until I do? 

I do dream of writing some great fiction someday and I have lots of big ideas tucked away in notebooks. Maybe the reason I don't start is fear, but it's also mixed with lack of time. Well, maybe not just having the hours in the day, but it just isn't a big priority right now. I don't have a story burning in my soul that overrides homeschooling, housekeeping, and all my other endeavors. 

Maybe someday soon you'll get a short story on here. Can I even write one about 500 words long? Guess we'll just have to wait and see!

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Planner Love.

Do you use a planner?

I absolutely LOVE having a physical planner to put all my schedule and to-dos in. Does it actually help me be more productive? I'm not exactly sure.

In our main living area, where the hallway opens up into the living room, I have a dry erase calendar that I update every month... usually before the first week of that month is over. I put up the kids' schedules, any meetings or other events we have going on, and all of that of stuff. Mark and I also use our iCal and put in that stuff too, but since I don't predominately use our iCal to dictate my days, I like having the dry-erase calendar where everyone can see it.

But still, I feel like I need something else to help me manage my to-dos that isn't on my phone and isn't quite as public as my wall. In college, I used to write out all of my assignments the first week we would get our syllabus in each class. I'd even write when to start a rough draft, or go to the Library to get some research done, or prep for a test. I try doing that in my yearly planners now, but life is a bit more crazy and a LOT less predictable.

Homeschooling definitely throws a wrench in things and I am not nearly as dedicated to the length of time we spend on our work as I am about the amount of content. This means when I plan for a lesson to take 30 minutes and then take a 5-10 minute transition, it doesn't often work out that way. After doing this for six years now, I have a pretty good idea about how long we'll spend on things, but it just isn't that simple.

I should say, I actually like it that way though. Sometimes the kids need more attention, sometimes they need less, and that is one of the biggest blessings our homeschooling gives us: the ability to take the time we need.

Back to the planner now. I love using stickers for certain recurring activities, like CC, CrossFit, and Jovi's gymnastics. But it can sometimes drive me crazy to have something changed and I have to either rip out my sticker, or just cross it out, or even worse, leave it there when we're not going to do it! Haha! I'm thinking I might invest in some erasable pens and use them exclusively for my planner. I'm always looking for a good excuse to buy more pens anyway :)

All this to say, I just got my planner for 2019 today and I'm excited to fill it in while also trying to remind myself that is it okay if plans change. I am trying to remember that planning my year will help me be more flexible with change, as I will know better what lies ahead and what I'm responsible for. I still went with an Erin Condren planner, but the hardbound one with a little less bulk. We'll see how it goes!




Do you plan your year? And how? I'd love to hear what kind of planner/system you use!

Friday, January 4, 2019

Our Fridays.

I know everyone loves Fridays, but I REALLY love Fridays. Saturday is the only day of the week I ever really get to sleep in (unless it's Football season), so it's the one day I feel like I can totally unwind, stay up late, and do whatever I want. 

Usually, we have schoolwork on Fridays, and the kids are generally pretty motivated to get it all wrapped up early. Which typically means, they run off and play, use tokens to watch TV or play on devices, and I get some time to read, relax, work on art projects, or just catch up on household stuff with minimal interruption. Funny the things we love as adults!

On top of all these things, over the course of 2018 my husband initiated "Family Movie Night" which has made Fridays that much better. We order pizza (or sometimes make it ourselves) and watch a movie with some wine and popcorn on the side. Well, I have wine, Mark has beer, and the kids drink whatever random thing we have on hand. 

When we first started, we tried to watch some movies the kids had never seen that Mark and I enjoyed watching as kids. The Karate Kid series was just perfect for that! The kids loved it and Mark and I were surprised that they were still such great movies. Even the newest version with Will Smith's son (sorry, can't remember his name) was great. 

I forget some of the other movies we watched - there have been a lot! We did watch Goonies, which was possibly a mistake. Holy cow they say SH*! a lot in that movie! Plus, the scene where the bad guys are going to stick Chunk's hand in the blender... that was pretty traumatic for everyone in the family. 

We also went through the Cars series, Incredibles 1 and 2, some random other "family" type movies, and some of the Marvel movies. I think tonight we may watch The Count of Monte Cristo since I finished reading that book a couple weeks ago. A couple weeks ago we watched the 2nd Percy Jackson movie since Cole had just finished book number four in that series. It was so funny to watch him watch the movie and compare it with the book. He was hilarious! 

We may do a Harry Potter series soon... none of us are super into the books (I know, the horror!), so no one is dying over wanting to watch those. I want to watch all of The Lord of the Rings series, but they are LONG movies, and Mark is not into those the same way I am. I've only read most of the first book (and that was back in college) but I do love the movies. 

Last week we shared Hunt for the Wilderpeople with my older sister. If you have not seen that movie, please go do so! It's hilarious, heartfelt, and just so entertaining. We've shared it with SO many people over the last two years and we still watch it on our own on occasion. It's mostly kid-friendly, but a few parts they might not get and there is one bloody part with a pig toward the beginning. 

Do you have any Friday traditions in your household? Or any favorite movies you love to share with others? Give me your best recommendations and I will add them to my list!

I'm glad to get another 500+ words out of my brain and onto this page. Hope you're not too bored with my ramblings and I hope your weekend is the best :) 

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Every Day.

I knew that writing 500 words every day for 31 days would be a challenge, but I didn't expect it to feel so hard on Day 3. Yikes.

I keep thinking I need a list of topics to help me know what to write, but that's not true. I mean yes, I'm sure that's helpful, but it's not the reason I've been putting this off today. 2pm is not super late, but I was wanting to get this done before lunch and I ended up doing a bunch of other things before this that didn't really need to be done. Don't ask me how long I've been on Pinterest or Instagram.

The truth is it's hard to do things every day.

Whatever it is you are working towards, it's hard to do a little (or sometimes a lot) of it every single day. In my false reality, I think it would be easier to become a better writer, a better athlete, a better artist, a better ______________ , if only I could spend giant chunks of time on it. I think that if I wasn't homeschooling and had a few more hours to myself every day, THEN I would surely accomplish all the things on my list.

So not true.

I've had to fight off a lot of guilt this Christmas break. I've spent a lot of time on things just for me. Which isn't wrong to do in and of itself. And I'm not saying I've been wrong in it either (thus, fighting off guilt). But I am realizing that I am living my life a bit backwards from a lot of others and that I can't look at what they are doing to dictate what I ought to be doing. For people whose children are in a typical school setting, Christmas break is some of their only time to chill out, spend time with their kids, and go on adventures together. For me, it's some of the only time I get (besides parts of summer) to really do whatever I want. And I know this time is rapidly coming to a close.

But back to the every day idea. Doing things in large chunks of time is great. We often can get huge tasks finished and large jobs tackled in times where we can really dedicate ourselves for a longer period of time than we usually have. But from everything I've read and observed, the great artists became great because they work toward becoming better in their craft every day.

Sure, they take days off and go on vacations, but they don't wait to move until they have the large chunk of time to really make a dent. They use the ends of their hours, days, weeks, and months and fill it in with small progress. And that is hard to do. It's easy for a week, or a few days, but to march ahead knowing that to gain skill in your desired field will require lots of continual little baby steps, where progress will be slow and you might have little to show for it for an extremely long time... it's a little daunting.

I think that's why I am a bit crazy today, a bit paralyzed in my efforts. And I know it makes zero logical sense. Any progress is still progress. So, I'm still here. I'm writing. And I'm going to do my best to keep trusting that doing a little something every day, no matter how small, is still something worthwhile.


Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Books on the Brain.

Last year I decided to actually put together a book-list for the year with a real purpose. I tend to read a lot of non-fiction, so I wanted to vary things up a bit and branch out.

Occasionally, I would read a random biography of some sort and remember how much I loved them, so that is one type of book that went on my list. I also realized that there were quite a few classics that I've never read and wanted to start working on that, expanding my knowledge about that genre which I've come to value more and more over the past few years of educating my kids at home.

Lastly, I kept the non-fiction category alive. I also read a lot of books that were not on my list, finished up some books I was part-way through and just added in random books I cam across that seemed interesting. Unfortunately, I did a bad job tracking my audiobooks, and the app I used to use for that stopped allowing me to listen (library membership issues) so I read over 30 books, plus listened to somewhere around 8-12 books.

This year I am back at it with my book list! Here's what I plan to read...

8 Classics: Great Expectations - A Tale of Two Cities - Anna Karenina - The Swiss Family Robinson - Persuasion - The Picture of Dorian Gray - Things Fall Apart - To the Lighthouse

8 Biographies/Historical: The Boys in the Boat - A Well Behaved Woman - Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus - Out of Africa - A Severe Mercy - The Diary of Anne Frank - Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee - Night

8 Non-fiction: Reflections on a Writing Life - Know and Tell - Breaking Busy - Everybody Writes - The Brave Learner - Reading Like a Writer - Seeing Beauty and Saying Beautifully - When People are Big and God is Small

24 is a totally doable goal for me right now. If I only read 24 books, I'd be surprised, but I'm not ready to add more to the list. Last year I ended up one book short in the Classics and Biography categories (only short in the classics if you count my audiobooks though). Do you notice a theme in my non-fiction? What can I say, I'm into reading and writing!

All of these are books I have never read before (though maybe a couple don't fit these categories perfectly). Some of these books I have already started reading, but I really want to finish them up. That's another part of my reading this year I want to deal with... I start SO many books! I want to try and keep it to reading about 5 at a time, though who knows if that is really worth the effort.

I have quite a few more I am reading that I plan to finish, but those will get updated in my goodreads as I go along. I really enjoyed most of the books I read last year, especially Watership Down and Where the Wind Leads. I highly recommend them to ANYONE!

What are some books on your reading list this year? Anything you are really looking forward to?


FYI - these links to the books are affiliate links, to help support my work on this blog. It won't pay for a Hawaii vacation, but it's something ;)