Sunday, January 27, 2019

What To Do.

Figuring out what to do next often feels like the never-ending question I am asking myself.

Which leads to this idea: if I am never really figuring out "what to do," how am I actually doing stuff, with years flying by, and kids getting older, etc.? How is all of this happening?

This is really where the rubber meets the road with all my Called stuff. I easily spend WAY too much time obsessing over the next step I should take, not with the right mindset about how obeying now is what matters, but with some crazy idea that if I can just figure out what will happen after all of my "correct steps" are well-executed, I will be okay.

But to be clear, I will not be okay simply because I have taken the correct path (if there is such a thing in life). I will be okay because I completely trust (or am trying to) that God is overseeing all of my decisions. I will be okay because I am seeking Him and listening to Him and doing my best to follow where He leads. Not because I have amazing foresight. Not because I never made a mistake. Not because I have everything all figured out.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about this blog in a few days. I'm not sure what purpose it is serving, though the daily writing has been a healthy thing for me. It's helped me realize that I do have time work on my writing every day. It's definitely been hard on some days (like today), but it hasn't been unattainable. But that still doesn't give me much of a plan for writing every day after this.

Should I put together a schedule and plot out more about how to finish my book proposal?

Should I schedule a certain number of days per week for that kind of work and then use other days to post stuff on here?

What other things should I be doing to keep progressing?

Where do I even want to go with all of this?

Over the next week I want to hash this out a bit more. I do like blogging, though I have to be honest, I wish more people read it. I know, I know, I can't do things in the hopes of other people liking them. It's just hard to invest so much time to writing and sharing when I don't think many people will actually even hear/read what I have to write/say.

I do believe in the importance of what God is calling me to share though. Maybe it's not a super popular idea; daily obedience is not too glamorous you know. Maybe it leads to changes that will receive criticism or be difficult to embrace. But I know that when I follow God's call to the things He lays out for us in scripture, I am far happier, far more productive, and I know 100% that I am doing real kingdom work, no matter how small.

I think this is the hardest factor. God's work is not just though words, or actions, or art, or anything tangible or visual that I can produce. All of those things are avenues He uses, yes, but God's work is through His Spirit, and I cannot force His Spirit to do anything. Despite being unable to produce that work in you, there is a hope in me, that I think is from God, that if I keep doing this, if I keep showing up and putting words here in this space, His Spirit will show up too.

I have ideas about how I might be used in God's kingdom. Most of them are really neat, really fun, and bring me a lot of credit. Which probably means they are not God's plans. But I want to be ready to be a part of whatever His plans are, which I'm pretty sure includes some level of writing and blogging. I'd rather take a more glamorous route than the daily work of clicking away here at my desk, a route that isn't so prone to criticism or misunderstanding. Something easier, or something more noble perhaps.

But here I am. I can't say what is best for His kingdom, or what the best role for me is in His kingdom. I can only show up. I can obey. So, that's why I'm still here.

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