Math and Junk. And my friend Heidi.

I'll be straight with you - this will not be an incredibly deep post. I have been so productive the last two days, my brain will just not keep up anymore.

Math has always been the most dreaded homeschool subject in our house. I'm not intimidated by math at all actually, but for some reason my children moan and groan every time math is announced. We started with using Saxon's curriculum and are on year three now, but I'm not totally in love with it. I love a lot of things about the curriculum, but sometimes it really feels like a time-kill. And I'm never quite on top of it enough, so then some random morning I look at that day's lesson, where I am supposed to have a bag of peanuts, and shoot, there goes Math for the day. 

I really have no hatred towards math, and while I never aspired to achieve any mathematical success, I tackled it fairly easily. I actually took Pre-Algebra in 7th grade, Algebra in 8th grade and was chosen to be on our "Mathletes" team in Jr High. I opted out after a week or so because my sports and choir practices were going to interfere. Since I was definitely not the smartest of the bunch, they survived just fine without me. I also happened to pretty much skip any homework regarding dividing fractions. Don't ask me how I still passed. In high school I jumped right into Geometry as a Freshman and Algebra 2 as a Sophomore, then I wholeheartedly declined anything to do with math for my last two years. Ha! I did have to take one more course in college, but it was the same exact material as my 8th grade class. Even though I was pretty bored the entire time, I decided to tackle dividing fractions and totally nailed it! Please don't ask me to explain it right now though. 

Math is pretty much a neutral subject in my heart and mind. It is necessary, good, can be challenging but also fairly easy to reason through. There are actually endless philosophical debates regarding math, geometry and more, but that is for another day. With our Saxon curriculum, I love how they emphasize mastering different strategies and concepts. I love how often new skills and concepts are presented, reviewed and explored in different ways. I also love how they weave in using the calendar and word problems to work on learning multiplication. They are so sneaky with all of their new introductions. They say "Here, let's count seeds in an apple" then boom, two weeks later your kid knows how to add and read addition problems without a hitch! There are probably 100 examples I could give you of these sorts of things. Also, thanks to Classical Conversations and Asher's memorizing his 7's to song, he was able to pick up on multiplying his 7's so easily. He didn't have to think too hard, or count over and over. I would ask "How many days are there in 4 weeks?" and he would sing to the tune of Frere Jaques "7, 14, 21, 28… 28 days!" That has been my most tangible example of how memorization in the early stages works perfectly into the more advanced stages of being able to understand concepts more in-depth. It was such an encouragement for both of us. 

Despite all this, I still don't feel a rush of joy sitting down to do Math, like I do when we open a good book, or sit to read History (yes, History is the least boring subject - but more on that another day). Yesterday, I was snooping on Facebook while the kids were reading and peeked in on a conversation my friend Heidi was having. She was asked about Math and mentioned the Khan Academy. My husband has been talking about it forever, but I hate trying new things, so I just pushed it aside every time. Heidi said they focus on mastery, using a "spiral" method (all the review I like) and kids can go at their own pace while parents have oversight as to their progress and time spent on different concepts and on their work overall. Khan Academy even breaks down what particular concepts your child misses the most or needs more help with. 

Heidi is intelligent and has children older than mine (and probably smarter than me), so I went straight to khanacademy.org to check it out. I signed us up (it's free) and got started. My boys will have to go through quite a bit of practice and "testing" until there will be completely new concepts presented for them, but I think I will let them get warmed up for a few weeks while they slow down on Saxon and see how it goes. I'm a little nervous to change things up. I'm trying to not give in to the fear that they might "miss something" if we switch. Even though I don't have a firm schedule, and don't completely love our daily rhythm, I also have a hard time with new & unexpected routines! But, Heidi said it has alleviated stress in their Math time, and it's less work for her overall. My kids really do need to have some more areas of independence. I can feel myself wanting to watch all their work over their shoulders, but I really need to learn to back off a bit and let them experiment, learn, and grow, without it all coming from me. I'm involved in almost everything they do right now, so this will be a positive baby step for all of us. 

I should also mention, if you ever want to know what you should be reading, you should ask Heidi, or at least check out her blog. I have no idea how she knows so much! But I have happily read several books she has recommended and my kids are enjoying several right now too. I just discovered she is almost, kind of homeschool-famous. I was listening to an interview from Sarah Mackenzie with Andrew Kern about homeschooling from a place of rest (also the title of her book), and I was browsing other podcasts on her site. Lo and behold, Heidi was on there! It felt so awesome to personally know one of those smarty-pants people. I met Heidi at speaker-training for Classical Conversations last spring, then she was at the first Practicum I spoke at (I was intimidated just a smidge). I mean, I only"Facebook" know her for the most part, besides several in-depth days together, but you can't help but admire her. And she has always been so willing to give me advice and recommendations. Plus, her boys know how to cook delicious foods and desserts for her, so she has got to be doing something really, really right. 

So here are the three things you need to check out:

1- Khan Academy - khanacademy.org - Math, Science, History, Computer Programming & more. There's a wealth of information waiting to hit your brain. 

2- Sarah Mackenszie's book and website - http://amongstlovelythings.com - She's also the creator of the Read Aloud Revival. Great stuff!

3 - Heidi & her blog - www.mthopechronicles.com - Also, here is her podcast on http://amongstlovelythings.com/10/

I hope this was a light and breezy post for you to enjoy. And practical! We don't always have time and energy to delve into difficult topics, but that doesn't mean we can't share and still benefit from each other. Let me know how you like any of these three suggestions, may they be a blessing to you and your family!

The Next Best Thing.

No, I'm not talking about daydreams, 2nd bests, or future ambitions. I'm talking about what to do next, when everything feels a little bit pointless.

This week has been discouraging. My kids have actually been pretty average - average attitude, average performance, average enthusiasm, average in everything really. But me? My attitude has been the pits! The dark, murky, muddy, suck-everyone-in pits. Not fun for the people in my house. My behavior has been decent, but my heart has been a mess. Some of this is rooted in my inability to make a decision and stand by it. Most of it is rooted in my inability to trust God and stay in His Word.

I feel a lot worse being so distraught in my heart and mind when my week has not even been very demanding. Not a lot on the schedule, a lot of homeschooling, but nothing unreasonable. No crazy appointments, no sickness or missed naps, no friendships falling apart or deaths in the family. I feel frustrated and upset at myself, then I get even more angry at how I can feel so upset when my situation is not incredibly difficult.

If you are homeschooler, I hope you can relate to all the tiny things I allow to lead me to despair:

- multiple math lessons with multiple groans
- correcting the same words during reading time over, and over, and over, and over
- the need to harass children to brush teeth for the 10th time at 11am
- children who wander off to play if you don't monitor them every 5 seconds
- children who refuse to wander off to play and would rather wail during an already excruciating math lesson
- interruptions from anyone and everyone, multiple times a day, multiple times a lesson
- tables full of strewn papers, crayons and misplaced craft supplies
- trying to time laundry, meals & other chores conveniently between lessons and nap-time
- crumbs, mostly in just the dining area and kitchen, but so many of them
- heaps of clean, but unfolded, week-old laundry


There are a lot of other contributing factors, but I don't want this post to be full of whining the entire time. I really do have some encouragement to give, promise.

I had been trying to keep it together all yesterday, and really did have some sweet moments with my kids. I try to not grow bitter when other moms complain about dealing with their kids on a snow-day, I try not to be jealous and accept these "consequences" of my choice, and my husband's choice. I desperately try not to put this homeschooling choice up on a platter to be dissected in my mind again this week. It's all really hard, and I don't have a great explanation for why. I have a few ideas, but nothing tangible, or fixable. Yes, I am selfish and tending to the kids for a better part of the day requires a lot of selflessness. Yes, there are other ambitions I have which offer much more short-term reward, both in money and praise. Yes, there are a lot of things that would be easier in my life if I weren't homeschooling. But none of these reasons settle my heart and mind the way I desire to be settled.

A lot of good things have happened, are happening and will happen as a result of my choice. There are a lot of good things in the future for any loving parent too, even if their sacrifice has nothing to do with homeschooling. This is part of why I try not to grow jealous or bitter towards other parents, because God will bring about good in SO many places. Knowing God has goodness in store here on earth in every circumstance is a lovely reminder, but this still wasn't giving me peace in my soul or a tangible way to redirect my heart.

While the bread was baking before dinner last night, I sat down to finish a book I got for Christmas. It's called The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst, and it has been a very practical tool for me in regards to thinking about my choices. Yesterday's chapter really gave me some encouragement! She talks about how sometimes our good choices do not guarantee good results, and how we cannot allow this to make us question ourselves and our weaknesses. What we often need to do is keep moving forward and make the next best choice. Whatever that choice is. For me, it was asking my son to clear the table in a sweet voice, rather than a voice filled with angst or frustration. I have not been extremely willing to choose a cheerful attitude, but to choose to ask for this task to be done using my nice voice was a simple choice to make. So easy! And effective. And actually, he responded better and I left the interaction without guilt or frustration. Win-win.

Lysa quotes C.S. Lewis toward the very end of her book,

“[E]very time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state of the other.”

No matter where you are, take heart and make the next best choice. Even if it's a dumb, easy, seems-silly-to-even-think-about-it choice. When you do this, when you choose to do good even when you feel like being bad, you are winning over your flesh. You are allowing God to win over the sin in your heart because you are listening to what He said in His Word and are obeying His voice despite your flesh urging you the other way. This won't always still the voice of doubt in your mind, or your heart, but it's much better than digging yourself into a hole of poor choices, filled with apologies coming due. This is the simplest, easiest way to get your heart back in line - to honor God and choose good in small ways. They will add up, and you will be pointing yourself toward His goodness, His will for you, with each good choice.

I'll leave you with this over-used, well-loved, super encouraging verse. Think long term, think about what it really means to work for eternity, and don't ever give up... every small choice counts.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Winds that Always Blow

Funny how things can change so quickly.

In my last post, I was talking about how much I love the New Year, and now, I am already feeling a sense of dread. Maybe it's because I did a bunch of planning yesterday, and my schedule feels a little impossible. Maybe it's because my house is a bit messy, and I feel like I will never get on top of it. Maybe it's because some of my goals are kind of vague, and I hate feeling like I am not really accomplishing anything. Whatever this mopey feeling is stemming from, I had a good reminder of where to go with these feelings when looking out my window this morning.

It's been very sunny in Portland the past few days, and icy cold too. Today, the winds have really picked up. I can hear the wind over my kids watching Rudolph, playing with legos, and laughing together. It's louder than my clicking on the keyboard. And outside my house, there are thousands of dried up leaves moving to & fro, down the street, into the grass, and back around again. There are branches strewn across sidewalks and everything looks a little haphazard. And that's how I feel today.

I've been thinking & re-thinking over lots of decisions, trying to figure out how to accomplish all the things I desire. While I didn't love some parts of going to CrossFit the last year and a half, I miss having a very set, very effective exercise routine. I miss having time to meet up with friends mid-week for coffee without feeling the dread of getting behind on other tasks or schooling. I miss having a plethora of babysitters available, like we did several years ago. I miss carpet in my downstairs, an extra room for an office, and a fireplace. I miss the freedom I had with only 2 kids, compared to now having my extra-needy, extra-adorable 3rd child. My heart feels like winds are always blowing through, raking me raw and leaving me questioning so many of my decisions and priorities. Then I remember this verse from Proverbs 25:28 "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

This is exactly how I feel. I've not been controlling what comes into my heart and mind, and now I've been left exposed to all these sweeping winds, raking through my thoughts and tearing apart my decisions. I have no real rock on which I stay steadfast in my mind, and every decision is up for evaluation over & over again. I have not "taken every thought captive" to see if it stems from God, from purity, or from a sincere desire to follow God. I know there are many times in life where we have to pick apart our choices, evaluate where we are and talk about where we want to be headed. But if you let other people weigh in on these choices uninvited, if you let social media make you question each decision every other day (or hour), and if you spend more time thinking about choices and options than you spend listening to God or searching his word, you will be left feeling raw and vulnerable, like a city without walls.

Now, it's good to be vulnerable to your spouse, to your dear friends, and those worthy of your heart. It is unhealthy to be vulnerable to the point of letting a 2x2" photo send you into questioning your entire life. You see where I am headed? We HAVE to put up some walls. Sometimes those walls look like deleting apps on our iPhones. Other times, those walls are just extra fortification efforts, like more time spent in God's word. And still other times, those walls are setting some boundaries on how often we spend time with people who make us doubt our decisions with hurtful words or constant questioning.

My soul is so sensitive these days. I've been doing WAY too much questioning in my own heart. Then, I've been looking to Facebook, almost hoping to find some encouragement and commendation for my choices. I know, so stupid! I will never find it there. Yes, I might find a few good articles, and probably some encouragement from friends, but will never find the deep, soul satisfaction God gives anywhere other than through Him. He is everywhere, and He often surprises me where He shows up, but I need to be far more intentional about seeking Him out. In Him there is freedom from worry about past decisions, current obligations and future problems. He sees where I am, He knows where I will go, and I'd much rather ask Him to shape me than find out what everyone else is doing with their spare time.

All of this seems really juvenile to me. In my mind, I know I will never find satisfaction in looking at other people's lives, just as they will never feel satisfied by looking at mine. But it is a tough habit to break. And for some reason, I have this constant urge to see what everyone is doing. This is where the need for self-control comes in. I have to decide to take action, based on what I know to be true, and not based on what my fleeting interests and desires are telling me.

This is not a call to perfection either. I'm not telling you all the do your 20-minute devotion every morning at 6am, or not to spend time on people with whom you disagree. I am telling you to guard your heart, guard your mind, and take decisive action to protect your soul. It will be worthwhile. I don't think I will ever regret swapping 10 minutes on Facebook for 10 minutes of reading God's word. It may not be easy at first. The invisible pull to open that app and scroll might feel stronger than the power of the Ring, but it will always be worthwhile to choose God over social stalking. You might not feel like it the first time, or the 2nd, or maybe even the 10th. But if you do it for a week or two, you will find yourself filled with more goodness, less comparison and FAR less negativity. Your soul will have God's words in it, which can then go out to the ones you love and are invested in. When I really think about this, I want to stockpile that kind of peace and security for a long time to come! We can all do this, but it has to start with a choice. And it is never too late to choose goodness. Never too late to knock on God's door and ask for help. It is truly never too late for redemption and faith. He wants you to choose Him. He knows you won't regret the sacrifice. And I promise to be offended if you don't like my FB post, because you were reading your bible instead :)

New Year Love.

I love the New Year. I love thinking about it, I love looking forward to it, I love planning for it!

What are you setting your heart on for 2016? Do you love the New Year? Hate it? Plan January to a T and then go back to regular life in February?

I hadn't given the coming year much thought until just the other day... I've been so busy lately, so I told my brain "Wait until after Christmas, then enjoy your week thinking & planning for it." And hey, it worked! So now, I'm thinking about it and I am excited about it.

One thing I've been working on in multiple areas of my life is perfectionism. And no, I'm not working on BEING a perfectionist... I'm working on NOT being one. There is a big difference between expecting things to be done well, and being a perfectionist about it. We'll just call the perfectionist a perfectionist, and the person who does things well the "well-doer."

The perfectionist says "My way, that is what is best." The well-doer says "I'll do my best and make sure it's great." The perfectionist says "Load the dishwasher my way, or else the dishes won't be (my idea of) perfectly clean." The well-doer says "Please load the dishwasher, and do your best job." The perfectionist says "Give me that, I'll take care of it." The well-doer says "Thanks for helping me, let me finish that for you." A perfectionist goes back & fixes a job done by a 6 yr old with frustration. A well-doer thanks their 6 yr old and finishes up the job without criticism, happy to have received help.

Yes, there are times for teaching and times for making a child do a job a better way, but most times it's enough to instruct with happiness. A perfectionist is greatly displeased with anything less than perfect, which is not really in the skill-set of a 6 yr old, right? So why are we like this? What is wrong in us that causes so much anger with less than our idea of perfect? Why do so many of us have so much frustration with happy effort, and cheerful attempts?

I often feel a stifling fear of what might happen if things don't go my way. I know that sounds silly put so simply, and it's not like I am literally cowering in fear every day because of my children, but truthfully, fear is driving this frustration ship. I feel this insane pressure to get done with grocery shopping in a  decent amount of time, get dinner done at a certain time, get the house cleaned up a certain way, have things put away at a decent speed, get my list of to-do's done in a certain manner and the list goes on. This pressure is always self-inflicted, driven by a fear of "not." Not being accomplished, not doing the best job, not getting my to-do list done, not being who I want to be. Sadly (and thankfully), none of these things are pertinent to living a life that honors God.

The perfectionist in me wants everything done in a way that produces the best outcome. However, in God's world, we don't see what is best for our lives each second of each day. I can't see the storm ahead and prepare adequately. I can't see an accident we avoided by being late. I can't see how my children only having put half the toys away within my 10 minute time-frame will enable me to spend quality time with them, teaching them good habits. The perfectionist constantly misses out on good things while being upset that the "best" things didn't work out. What's really sad, is that the perfectionist's idea of best, is hardly ever actually best. Even when "best" happens, there's usually still a feeling of something missing. And usually, what we think is best, and our fear of "not best" is completely irrational. Like, what's the worst case scenario of 10 dishes getting less than perfectly clean in the dishwasher? Getting our idea of "best" is rarely all it's cracked up to be.

Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of great days where everything went my way, where my kids were amazing & I was a lovely mother ;) Those days are awesome. And rare! And it's totally fine to enjoy those days and revel in how awesome it is when your plans just happened to be the Lord's plans too. The problem lies in what we do the other 355 days of the year. Proverbs 16:2 says "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit." We think we are planning good things, but God knows our hearts. He knows when those intentions are pure, and when they are full of selfishness. He knows when we have a plan because it really is good or whether we just selfishly want our lives to be as easy as possible.

This is what I am going to be working on this year. I want to challenge myself to look at all my frustrations & see where they are rooted. I am going to look closely to see if my demands upon my family are reasonable, or based in my desire to have things my way. When my plans go awry, will I get mad or will I ask God what he is doing? Will I be willing to concede with joy, or at least without bitterness? Will I look at daily detours as interruptions or as revelations of God's plan for that day? Are these opportunities to see God actively changing my day to work his redemptive magic? Do I want my way, or do I really want God's?

As Christians, these are some of the biggest and best questions we can ask. They are questions we can ask every day and find conviction, determination, greater faith & hope for a stronger will to follow him. This is going to be my #1 resolution, and not just for this year. In my life, in my homeschooling, in my husband-loving, in my advice-giving, in my advice-seeking, in my laundry duties, in my tutoring, in my searching the Word, in everything, I want to ask these types of questions and answer "I want God's plans." There have been many days where my initial answer has been "no thanks" or "not really" but I praise God for turning my heart to understand how staying in a hardened place is never an option. It leads down a dark road of bitterness which is ever so difficult to come back from.

What beautiful things is your perfectionism killing? What areas of your life can stand to be "less perfect" and more pleasant? What things can you chill out about and experience the world not actually falling apart? Find these simple places & be less than perfect. See how nice is feels to accomplish things with a joyful spirit instead of the hard-hearted determination of a perfectionist. Set your determination toward being pleasant with those around you. Enjoy the opportunities to train & teach your children in whatever setting that is.

I think we'll all be happy to see how much more of life can be more enjoyable when we let go of keeping our plans and instead, aim for keeping a joyful, flexible, teachable heart. I feel like I can almost see this, like I can sense it just around the corner for me. All the times I've actually grasped it are just more motivation to live this way more often. Tell all that perfectionism in your heart "You are a lie!" Getting things done perfectly will never trump doing things in a way that leads to love, redemption and trust in the relationships that are most important in your life. And living with abundant love is the best way to show others the life-changing grace available to anyone seeking the Lord.

New School Year!

Sometimes I can hardly believe that this will be my 3rd year homeschooling! At the end of summer, all I have are good memories of schooling... well, mostly. I open new books, get excited about all the things my kids will be learning... it's wonderful! Then, about 2 months in, I start to look at how many math lessons are left & get a little crabby. I'm hoping that due to some careful scheduling & a greater willingness to be flexible, I can overcome & feel less crabby, less like giving up.

Jovi is a lot more cooperative this year too. I'm really hopeful that she'll make my job a bit easier. We have some things scheduled that will help the kids moods too... we're meeting every other Thursday with a good friend & fellow homeschooler to do our history & grammar together. My friend & her kiddos are also involved in CC, so we will probably add in some geography & review time too.

Speaking of CC, I'm a tutor this year! And I'll have both boys in my class!! I think having them will be good - Cole could use the extra time to memorize as I prep, and Asher likes to know what's going on ahead of time, so he should enjoy that. My class will be small, and I already know most of the kids, so I'm not super nervous... I'm mostly prepped... I'm sure I will be crazy nervous the day before, but I'm glad to do it. While I know it'll be stretching, I think I need the extra push to get a little more organized & stay on top of things. And, I think I could use the additional experience for the long haul. I really hope to stick with CC through high school, so getting some tutor experience in at the lower grades will be beneficial for sure.

Let's see. What else? I guess I will give you a quick rundown of what we are using for the year!

Math - Saxon, memorization in CC
English Grammar - First Language Lessons, memorization in CC
Reading - All About Reading, random extra books I like or my kids like
Spelling - All About Spelling
Writing - Zaner-Blosser books, pre-scripts from CC for Asher
History - Story of the World (ancient civilization again this year)
Art & Science - mostly through CC, additional projects & books along the way, nothing incredibly formal

That list might look a little intimidating, so I'll give you newbies some encouragement...

We do not school more than 4hrs a day EVER! Usually, most days are 2-3hrs, and it's not all formal. We spend a lot of additional time where I read to the kids - devotionals, other classics or just books they enjoy. Here's our general schedule...

Monday - CC, art, 1 kid does reading in the late afternoon
Tuesday - math for both, reading for 1
Wednesday - math for both, spelling for both
Thursday - (every other) - MJ School (language lessons, history, writing) or Field Trips
Friday - math for both, reading for both

I will add in the language lessons, History, CC review & writing on random days where math is lighter for one or both of the kids.

Most of all, what will really help me this year is my willingness to change. I'm starting out with a very general plan for each day - not a real time-table, but just an idea. We'll see how it goes & test out some alternatives. I'm also planning to look at homeschooling more like a real job. I get "me" time later, not usually mid-day or mid-morning or just whenever I feel like reading. I hope laying this desire aside will help me be more content with the way things go, for better or worse! This is my job, it's normal to be challenging. And of course, if I desperately need a break, I will take it! But overall, I'm so thankful to have this job & not some other job. It has flexibility, great potential, rewards, etc. I can coast when I am weary, and I can be ambitious at any point I desire. And mostly, I get to be with my kids & see them grow before my eyes. They are really fabulous & make my job more than worthwhile.

So, here are my boys, ready for another year! They are mostly willing, mostly excited & only whining a little about math. Stay tuned for updates & to hear our adventures & challenges - good luck with your own school year!!

Mysteries of Pluto

For most of my homeschool adventures or discoveries, I have my good friend Mary to thank. And lately, she has been sharing all kinds of new discoveries with me! Most recently,  she gave me information about the New Horizons probe that has been on mission to take pictures of & gather data about Pluto! Seriously, I do not know what I would do without her!!

In case you haven't seen or heard, this New Horizons probe, sent by NASA, has been en route to Pluto for almost 10 years. 10 YEARS! Here is a link to a video that will give you a little more information on that...

http://www.nytimes.com/video/science/100000003783764/fast-and-light-to-pluto.html

I love seeing people who have the kind of vision & determination to plan out such a long-term goal. I suppose homeschooling is also a long-term goal, which explains why it's so difficult for me to stay focused, and grounded, trusting in this adventure! It's also very pivotal, but back to Pluto...

Here is a link to some of the first pictures & information they have released about it.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/01/13/science/space/photos-of-pluto-from-nasa-new-horizons.html?_r=0

The space probe cost over $700 million and arrived on July 14th, though not landing, just cruising by & gathering as much data as possible.

I'm not sure what it is that intrigues me so much. I don't believe in life, or intelligence as we know it, on another planet. I don't even think scientifically we are ever likely to find another planet that can support plant-life or animal-life... and this does not touch on the theological implications of believing there could be other planets with people or animals... it's just not something I think is likely and I don't plan to waste my time considering it really. So, my fascination with Pluto has nothing to do with that. But for some reason, I want to be there!

After reading C.S. Lewis' book "Out of the Silent Planet" I have a little more curiosity about what other planets are like. Just standing on land that is totally new, unfamiliar & who knows what else would be amazing. It also baffles me that God created that little (dwarf) planet, 3 billion miles away, and while we are just seeing what it really looks like for the first time, He already knows all those details. He knows every detail, and has allowed us this progress to see more of the wonder of His mind. Why other planets? Why moons? Why the entire solar system, galaxy & beyond? How far does this emptiness go? It's just mind boggling.

I also think it's nice to think about things we cannot comprehend. To be able to consider the magnitude of the universe & forget suffering, hardship, strife & angst for a little bit is a gift. If I had the time, I'd let my mind wander ever further into thinking about what it will be like to land my feet in Heaven for the first time. In another of C.S. Lewis' books, he talks about Heaven being more real than ourselves... I often forget that it'll be the same me, but the perfected me, that will experience all that wonder & permanence... not an imaginary, dream-land type of version of myself. I will get to witness it all first-hand. For sure. Promised & sealed, done deal! Now that trumps Pluto for sure. But in the meantime, I'm going to look several times a day for new photos from Pluto, and think about the far reaches of space & let it sink in how far-reaching God really is. Or at least try, and I'll get as far as my little brain will let me :)

Here are a few photos I've saved... enjoy!

The last image we had of Pluto & her biggest moon.

This is Jupiter & 1 of her 67 moons, taken by New Horizons on the way out to Pluto.

Dream Job!

So, since I was about 5yrs old, there are only 4 things I've ever really wanted to be as an adult. I'm pretty sure 1 of them is totally out of the question now (though it wasn't always), but I actually got to be 1 of these 4 things last month!!! Here they are, in no particular order...

- professional track athlete
- public speaker
- artist (mostly with paint & canvas, but just in general)
- writer

I'm sure you can guess which of these is not like the others!! Haha. Oh well, I'm over it.

I probably told a bunch of you, but I got to speak at a homeschooling conference for Classical Conversations back in May. It was honestly one of the top 3 experiences of my life. One of the rare times where I could feel God with me so closely that I felt like I could almost reach out touch Him, like I could just run & jump up into the clouds. (Let's not get into poor theology on that one, I know I could never touch Him in my flesh & not burn up instantly!)

First time - when I high jumped 5'7" the first time. I know that sounds weird, but God was so near me, giving me wings, making me humble & causing me to just praise Him. I didn't feel unstoppable, I just realized how BIG God was & felt amazed that little old me got to experience Him in that way, accomplishing something I'd worked so hard for. I honestly couldn't believe it. Even though I wanted to clear that bar, I was still truly in disbelief that He helped me do it, even though it was just a small, seemingly insignificant thing in & of itself.

Second time - in Thailand. I was sick the day we were going to go zip-lining, but I decided being sick while doing something crazy was better than being sick on a couch all day. My fever raged, I was so weak, but it was still amazing. I cannot explain why, but being in a foreign land & seeing God work in a distant part of the world, even in small ways, was an incredible blessing. On the long drive to the zip-lining area of the jungle, I listened to worship music & I felt like God was sitting next to me, helping me to see His goodness across the globe, despite my momentary sickness. And even while feeling miserable, I felt amazing. I know that sounds weird, but again, I felt honored, small, and in awe during that time. Like I was so lucky to be there.

Third time - speaking at the Salem Practicum. At other conferences I've been to, I've heard the speakers say things like "I feel so honored to be your speaker" or "I will miss you all tomorrow" or "what a blessing you guys have been." It always seemed fake to me, like they were just trying to make us feel good about being the audience. But let me tell you, it's true! I felt like God must be far beyond the gracious God I consider Him to be in order to give tiny, little me such a great opportunity & responsibility in being a teacher for 3 days. The group was so gracious to me, with veteran moms & experienced speakers thanking me & encouraging me. And truly, I was sad to go back home & not see most of those people again, either for a while or ever! I literally cannot reason through how I got to be a part of it.

I know that not everyone, and probably not many people, really want to do endless amounts of reading & research in order to talk for 3 full days about science, education & teaching your children at home, but I still feel incredibly special for being chosen. Like maybe I fooled too many people to sneak my way in! Seriously, they did not know enough about me to be able to say "Yes, she can do it!" I'm still just amazed about it all.

It was definitely a lot of work. I could not have spent even 1 more hour prepping than I did. I read all the books, fixed all the slides, knew my stuff pretty well, did outside research, had a good plan, but I was still so nervous. I drove 1hr each way, each day to get there, and the first day was definitely the most nerve wracking. I had to keep telling myself that I was well prepared, that all there was left to do was to show up & do what I had planned to do. My nerves definitely got the best of me, but somehow, God helped me out & it was a fabulous 3 days. I played different worship music on my drive each day, and I got a tiny taste of what it might feel like to spend eternity praising Him. When He is there with you, it is unlike any other experience. It's this endless cycle of knowing Him, thanking Him, praising Him, that gives us a deeper understanding, even just by a hair, of the amazing truths surrounding who He is.

And yes, in case you are wondering, I'm doing it again, in less than a month ;) How lucky am I??

And I'm still incredibly excited about it! There are a few more supplemental books that I'm reading now, and re-reading some of the others too. It's a different location, different set of moms, different type of group, but I'm trusting that God already knows what I will say & what those ladies need to hear. He knows how I will learn & grow, which is far more important that being seen they way I want to be seen. But mostly, I am banking of the fact that all this makes Him look good, because He IS good. Far more than good. Even in our bad, He shows how He is good. In all the difficult things, we can see that He is pushing us toward knowing Him, which is our greatest joy, and is also my foremost goal for my kids - to know Him & make Him known, in every circumstance.

So, wish me luck in July! You'll hear from me again in August, if not sooner. And if you want to sign up last-minute for any of these CC practicums, you can find one near you here...

https://www.classicalconversations.com/community/practicums/parent-conferences

Have an awesome rest of your summer! Enjoy the rest time & take time to revel in the ways your kids have grown over the year!!