Relationship Matters

 I'm pretty sure not too many people would argue with me about the benefits of homeschooling. Not only is it becoming apparent nationally that homeschoolers tend to excel academically, but socially they are not an inept as the reputation they generally have received. No, the benefits are not really where people get lost. It's in the sacrifice of self. 

I'm not saying everyone needs to homeschool; obviously, if everyone started homeschooling this week we would have major collapses economically and socially. That debate about the public school system and how it affects our politics, economy, job-market, and more is for someone much more enlightened than me. What I really want to write about today is relationship, about living, and about how homeschooling matters in those regards. 

Photo by Lewis Keegan on Unplash.com

 After going through a couple years of struggle in regards to our homeschooling atmosphere, I ran into a wall. I realized I could not make my kids want the good things I wanted for them. I had to wrestle with my faith, my identity, my ambitions, my physical limits, and most of all, I had to deal with all of the ways and things I did not want to sacrifice. I had to deal with my regrets in how I dealt with my children and ask God to redeem all my mistakes. I had to swallow the large pill of not being able to undo my own missteps and trust God for the futures of my children. And navigating all that has led me here, to some of these conclusions.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that last summer I posted my list of these lessons along with short explanations. I have been quietly working out how to put those into a book, and been less than diligent about getting a proposal of sorts together. But my heart has still be working through all of that, and throughout our transition to Tennessee I have seen the truth in these ideas and am implementing them into my homeschool coaching. This biggest idea, which was actually the whole reason I started out homeschooling, has become even more prominent and important to me. Truly, I feel undeserving of learning this before my kids are too far gone, and pray that God will still redeem the time. You ready?

Your relationship with your children will determine their ability to live well more than how well you homeschool. 

Anyone coming from an abusive home will tell you what a hindrance that has been for them in gaining a normal level of stability in life. Not that it cannot be overcome, but it takes intentionality and comes with a lot of frustration and challenge. Even when you come from a home with some low-level dysfunction, you have to work through that stuff. So why do most homeschooling organizations focus so much on the educational aspect instead of the relational? Fear? Distrust? Trying to ease the worries of parents? I'm not sure exactly, and I'm certainly not saying real learning doesn't need to happen. What I am saying is that your relationships in the home will be a gift unlike any other and will require a sacrifice unlike any other. 

When I began homeschooling, I was convicted that my #1 job as their mother was to do all I could to reveal Christ to my children. As I got further into homeschooling, somehow that priority shifted without me realizing it. I thought my kids needed all the right books, the right friends, the right mix of socialization and alone time, the right activities offered at the right time, and the list goes on. Add on whatever other things you pursue out of a worry that you are depriving your children: those things will likely become an obsessive distraction. 

The truth is, when we won't give our children our attention, our love, our interest, or our time, we deprive them of what they long for most. Even as I enter the teenage years, and my son needs me to do less things for him, he still needs a lot of my attention and interest. My care, my willingness to be nice when I feel like rolling my eyes, my time in printing out web-shooter templates for him off the internet: those are building his character more than making sure I've read the right book at the right time. 

Demanding what I deem as good behavior, requiring my level of perfection on maps, expecting them to love learning the way I do... when I hold these things over them, I ruin our relationship. It might seem like these are my godly convictions, but the truth is that I often make excuses and say these things are what God expects while also acting in ways that displease Him. It cannot be this way.

There is a way to homeschool well without looming over our children and checking off every box we think they might need. This is what it really means to trust God with their lives. We do what seems best at the time, and trust that if there is a different path, God will lead us on it. The problem arrises when we think we know the best path and are unwilling to stray from it, even when the signs of destruction are all around us. 

So if you are feeling wobbly today in your homeschooling journey, stop. Take a breath. Get out your bible, read a Proverb with your children, look them in the eye, and let them know you love them. Bake something together, make something together, take a little journey somewhere refreshing (a park or hike will do just fine), and ask God to help you love them well. 

Homeschooling well has to begin with loving them well. That means knowing they are God's children, trusting that He loves them better, affirming that His will in their lives will be done (and will be done best) without you lording over them with your authority, worksheets, and perfectionistic demands. It will mean a lot more sacrifice than you expect, but God always returns it with peace in your heart and peace in the home. There is a place for persistence and skill-training, but it will never be accomplished without love or by force. 

Believe that God can turn out an amazing person who has less than amazing handwriting! My husband is a perfect example ;) He is amazing and writes in chicken-scratch. Trust that God can use a person for His good work who can't draw a very good map, or doesn't have an amazing memory, or only barely finished Algebra 2 before being done with High School. 

If the battles in work and achievement in your home are causing a rift in your relationship with your kids as mother, fix that first. Find ANY way you can to lovingly put good content into their hearts while dealing with your interior motives and perspectives. Their soul's well-being depends on your input, and your well-being depends on letting God input His priorities into your heart. Let Him do that. Be open to how the changes might look. Make room for that change and watch to see the difference it will make in your home. The beauty will overshadow every sacrifice.

Give Your Weaknesses a High Five

* disclaimer: this post does contain affiliate links that help to fund my efforts in supporting your homeschooling & spiritual growth *

There's a great debate about weaknesses vs. strengths. 

In college I had to read (rather, GOT to read) the book Now, Discover Your Strengths. It's all about embracing what you are naturally good at and focusing more on improving and using those traits instead of spending all your energy getting rid of your weaknesses. There's a lot of helpful advice in that! Sure, you've got to make sure your weaknesses are not wiping out your strengths, but spending priceless time and energy trying to become that much better on a skill that you will likely never be great at is just not wise.

However, it's different with Jesus (as are most things, right?). 

It's not that we can't work to improve in our areas of strength, or that we shouldn't spend some effort making sure our weaknesses aren't drowning us. It's that in Jesus, our weaknesses can be like magic.

Well, not a magic for us to harness ourselves, but they are an avenue Jesus uses to make Himself so glorious. 

Before I go into that, one more thing about our strengths. When we rely on them, we are going to eventually encounter some level of disappointment. After all, we are human and we have limits! If we boast in what we are skilled in or what we can accomplish, that stuff can be wiped away in an instant, putting us to shame. Thankfully, there is one thing we can confidently boast in: knowing God. 

In Jeremiah 9 there is a conversation going back and forth between God and Jeremiah about the people of Israel. In it he tells Jeremiah to tell the people:

"Thus says the LORD: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight declares the LORD.'" Jeremiah 9:23-24

Knowing and understanding God is what God says we can boast about; knowing what God loves and does and delights in. I'm pretty sure that turns into us loving and doing and delighting in those same things. 

So, we boast in our understanding and knowing God, and then Paul, hundreds, of years later tells us we can boast in one more thing: our weaknesses.

Photo credit: Siora Photography @siora18

Paul has gone over this ideas several times in 1 & 2 Corinthians, that is it through weakness that Christ's power is revealed. Finally in 2 Corinthians 12 he begins to tell about his personal struggle with a "thorn in the flesh," which he saw as a weakness, something he desperately wanted to be relieved of. After much pleading, God speaks to Paul telling him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." 

But what does that actually look like? 

Cindy Rollins posted something about this recently, and it really spoke to my heart as a homeschooling mother since my weaknesses are constantly being revealed to my children. Head over to her blog to be encouraged by her experience of Christ showing up in her weakness during a talk she was leading. 

It's so easy to be discouraged by all of our errors, weaknesses, and potential failures. We strive so hard to give our children the best of everything, and when we can't do that, we automatically assume we must not have what it takes. We fear they will miss out, that they could get something better at a "real school" with better trained teachers or more "friends" around them. But God says it is not with the better that humans provide that He shows up. It will be through your weaknesses that your kids will see Jesus more clearly and experience His provision for themselves. 

He shows up where we cannot. He makes things happen that we have NO power to make happen. He has unlimited strength, resources, and divine love to pour into their lives, but He cannot do it when we stand in the way trying to make it happen in and of ourselves. When we become more okay with our weaknesses being on display, the Holy Spirit steps in to cover that gap and then other people get to see it happen. 

This is what will change the hearts of your children and the people who influence. Seeing the work of God in their daily lives is life-changing and it is not something you can force, but the more you embrace your weaknesses, the more you are okay with failing and going to God for help, the more the Holy Spirit can show up. The more beautiful you make Jesus look. 

I hope this reminder helps you to find comfort in all the ways you feel like you are not measuring up. God doesn't want you to focus on measuring up. No, this doesn't dismiss working and preparing and does your best, it just means He wants your hearts set on Him and His ability. Know Him, seek to understand Him, and pray to love what He loves. When you are pursuing this, God will meet your needs and importantly, He will become undeniably visible to your children. What a blessing our weakness can be! Let's celebrate that. Not just exulting in our failure, but being excited that when we are weak, He is seen as strong. 

Let's share together: comment with a time that God's strength showed up in your weakness. We can all help bless each other with the reminders of His love and power!

So, You Want to Know About Homeschooling...

 It's been a while since I've sat down to write something specifically to share here on my blog! While I have been writing fairly frequently, it's been for other projects that will hopefully come about soon. So here I am, ready to share just a few thoughts on some books that have inspired and informed me on my homeschool journey. There are affiliate links for these books too, just FYI :)

I only chose five books (I only have the physical copies of 4), which I think will keep you busy for a while. These books have all inspired or encouraged me in some way and I'm confident that at least a few will give you what you need to homeschool with more joy and less stress. Be sure to comment below and let me know if you've ready any of these and what you think!

First up, and the first legitimate homeschooling book I ever read (and finished), is For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.

If you have never heard of Charlotte Mason, or just want a general overview of the principals and reasons why she saw education the way she did, this is a great starting point! Or, if you want to refresh your mind and need to get your heart back on track toward educating this way, you will find this book highly encouraging. 

Susan gives you the perspective from her own experience as well, so there are pointers along the way of what it has looked like for their family, as well as lots of advice and input that is so gentle and beautiful. This book is worth reading many times over! Not only will it give you tangible ways to interact with your children and approach educating them at home, it will give you the hope and direction you need to help teach them how to set their hearts on Christ. 

Here is another book I read early on. Actually, I had started educating classically before reading this book, then once I read it, I was SO glad that we had chosen this path. This book is from the founder, Leigh Bortins, of the organization we homeschool with, Classical Conversations. It's called, The Core, and is the first of three books she wrote about the stages of development and educating classically, with a Christian Worldview. 

I have read this book almost every year since I have been homeschooling, and each time I gain new insights, fresh ideas, and lots of confirmation about being on this path. She lays out what it looks like to educate classically, how her family got started on this path, and how we can pursue it with our littlest learners. If you want a basic overview of educating classically that is not too "heady" or filled with words you don't understand, this is the book for you! You'll learn, get an example of what it could look like in your daily life, and have the tools you need to start. I can't say enough good things about this book!

If your kids are older and you are just jumping into homeschooling, check out her other books The Question and The Conversation. She gives a short overview of classical education in these books too, so don't worry about needing to read The Core first if you don't have the time. (Note: you CAN get these books on Amazon, but you will find them priced better at classicalconversations.com .)

Next up is a book I only read recently, and I suppose since it is relatively newer, I shouldn't be in too much trouble about that. But I think for anyone who is looking for alternative approaches to education, it is a MUST-READ! I hope you read those caps right... seriously, a MUST-READ. I had read plenty of other study from Susan Wise-Bauer before; The Well-Trained Mind, The Well-Educated Mind, her Story of the World history books "for children," plus other various curriculum she has put out. All of her stuff is so helpful, and has the perfect balance of enticing and educational. I found this exactly the case with her book Rethinking School as well. 

She goes over a lot of basics about homeschooling rights, testing needs, school's aims, and even how to go about getting your child the extra help they might need while they are in an educational system, private or public. If you are looking for the tangible, real things you can do to pursue educating at home (or supplementing in some way) and you want to make sure you have all your bases covered legally, you will find this book super helpful. There is encouragement tucked in here too, but most of it is through looking objectively at what is expected, required, and what is truly in the realm of possibility for our kids. Hint: there's a lot more out there than you think!

A couple years into my homeschooling journey I read this wonderful little book, but back then it was only available via PDF. You can now purchase a physical copy in various places and even listen to the audiobook (which is what I recently did), and this is definitely a favorite among MANY homeschooling groups. Sarah MacKenzie has quite the following with her business Read Aloud Revival, and for good reason! She has SO many great recommendations and has found an important key for connecting with our kids and helping them connect with the world. And it really does begin with rest. You'll find her book Teaching from Rest such a pleasure and balm to your soul.

Sarah has such an easy way of writing - it really is just like hearing her speak! She is gentle and thoughtful in what she recommends, and most importantly, points us toward truth. It's not in scurrying frantically, or trying to check off every single box, or creating a hectic atmosphere for our kids full of appointments and every single educational endeavor we can cram into their lives. Teaching well must come from faith in the one who sees it all, knows it all, and truly has good plans for our kids... better plans than we could ever make. I find this book centers me and helps me trust that all the interruptions in my day and in my plans have a purpose. Maybe they are all there just to shape me! No matter, her words bring me back to hope and confidence in my Maker, and that is well worth the few dollars you'll spend on her book.

Last is the book I most recently finished. Not only is the book gorgeous and filled with beautiful pictures and full-color pages, the words remind me of the immense freedom I have in educating my children. Ainsley Arment is the founder of the organization Wild + Free, and their core aim is to help parents give their children a quality education while preserving the adventure, freedom, and wonder of childhood. This organization has SO many wonderful helps, whether it is connecting with other local moms or just being inspired by beautiful projects you can do with your kids, what she has put together is truly inspirational. Her book, The Call of the Wild and Free, offers nothing less.

Whether you are more drawn to a classical approach to homeschooling, unschooling, montessori or other methods, this book still has so much good stuff to offer. It's not always just about the method or overarching plan for your schooling, but more about the mindset. What is your overall aim? If it is to expose them to beauty, have them learning and growing, and give them tools for navigating the world once they fly the coop, you will find encouragement in these pages. It's not always about how, but there are many suggestions offered here that will help point you in a direction you can start walking towards. While I tend to be pretty structured, this book helped remind me to relax a bit, plan in some open space for adventure, and recognize that my children are just that... children! They are growing, and they need some help, but maybe not always the dogmatic instruction I assume will be most clear and best. Sometimes letting them struggle and wade through difficult ideas on their own is best, sometimes they need a guide, and sometimes they need direct instruction. But being open to what they need and different ways of giving that to them will help fuel a family atmosphere that breeds hope, joy, and enthusiasm. 

It was really hard to only pick five books. I love to learn, and learning about teaching is pretty much one of my favorite topics! I won't go into details on these books, but here are a few more that maybe you might enjoy too...

- Consider This and/or Know and Tell by Karen Glass

- A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille

- Repairing the Ruins by Douglas Wilson

- The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart

- The Unhurried Homeschooler by Durenda Wilson

Plus these books that are sitting on my shelf, just waiting to be read...

- Homeschool Bravely by Jamie Erickson

- Awaking Wonder by Sally Clarkson

I hope this gives you some great places to start! If you've read some of these, leave and comment and let me know what you think! Got any others that have encouraged you lately?

Juggling Everything.

My life feels crazy sometimes, and I usually try to blame it on homeschooling (ha).

It really is a privilege to be able to stay home each day and not need to get a job outside the home. I am blessed to have such great support in my homeschooling that I almost never have a family member or friend treating me like I am not competent enough to handle it. I am so thankful that homeschooling has not required us to drastically change our lifestyle, as I was still staying at home with the kids before we even began. Granted, without homeschooling we'd likely go on more vacations, and I might be more sane, but so far, it has been a greater blessing than it has been a burden.

This doesn't mean I don't have to do a lot of juggling or sacrificing though.

The hardest part of all the juggling is really hard to nail down. There are a lot of inconveniences, but also a lot of be glad about. I'm going to list a few challenges along with their counterpart blessings and hopefully it will be an interesting thing to read.

- I have to clean up so many dishes because we are eating breakfast, lunch and dinner here almost every day... but I almost never have to either prep lunches the night before or early in the morning (hallelujah!).

- I often have to interrupt my own schooling-schedule to get the laundry done... but I usually have helpers hanging about. Bonus: if I fold laundry in the evening, it's a good excuse to close my bedroom doors and listen to podcasts or audiobooks without a spec of guilt!

- It is SO hard to schedule Dr and Dentist appointments for myself when I have to find a sitter, interrupt schoolwork, and/or take them with me... but figuring out when to schedule their appointments is a breeze!

- When I leave the house to go run errands, I have to take almost all of them with me every single time... but, with limited "school events" I almost never feel like a chauffeur.

- It is really hard to find time to be alone and gather my thoughts... but, that means I do a lot of my living and learning WITH my kids, thus exposing them to a lot of "adult" problems throughout their lives.

I am pretty confident that homeschooling has given me more than it has taken away. Sure, they might miss out on certain things I had in school (free music lessons, more pick-up sports and games, riding a school bus), but they also get out of a lot of things I wish I could forget. Plus, living up here in Portland is such a great place for a homeschooler. There are SO many activities for the kids to be involved in, more than one family could ever take advantage of. Springtime in Oregon is amazing, and we have loads of time to hike, go to the zoo, and take day-trips that kids in regular schools can't do at their leisure.

Most of all, homeschooling has taught me how to learn and that has given me a confidence I carry into many other areas of life. Yes, I often feel an insane amount of pressure to do my best by them, and to get everything done in a way that doesn't take away from their education, but I'm learning how to juggle expectations, to not question my decisions so much, and pare down our activities to what my husband and I believe will be most valuable for them.

It's a hard road, full of bumps, trials, and learning, but it's one I'm so thankful to be traveling.

Struggle-Town

Perhaps you've noticed my absence. The pessimist in me says probably not, but I'm trying to choke down that pesky voice.

In all my homeschooling years, this September has been the most difficult by far. I know, it's October, but I'm back-tracking just a bit. There are probably at least 20 reasons why last month was so challenging: football practice for Asher three days a week, soccer practice for Cole two days a week, tutoring Essentials (and learning everything from Essentials for the first time ever), teaching Asher through Essentials for the first time, Jovi being in CC for the first time, and trying to write a book/book proposal at the same time are the large chunk of it.

I don't see myself as a positive person really, but some people might say I am good at looking at the bright side of things. I think it comes more from my ability to look at what's wrong and then come up with a great solution. So in reality, it starts with looking at fault and discord, then it morphs into improvement, which often looks to others like a lovely spin on difficulties. But this month, and last month, there is so much to do, so much always left undone, and more ambition than I can wrestle, that I am striving incredibly hard to stay afloat and still smile. No matter what solution I try to come up with to "fix" it all, nothing gets fixed. It has been extremely challenging to not quit everything and it's still really hard to not give up.

Many of the women in my circle of ambition are SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) too, but most of them have their children in school full time. Other moms who are homeschooling along with me don't have the same nagging drive for working outside the home or other business-like endeavors. Then the moms who do, and are prominent or successful, seem to have husbands whose jobs are more flexible, or who even work together on their same, thriving business. I know, I know, I'm sure I'm not the only mom wearing these shoes, but I often feel very alone in this journey, and much of the time, left without options for getting everything done. This is part of why I started this blog. Many of us desperately need to hear from ordinary, struggling homeschool moms.

As I try to make progress on my book proposal I am pretty much failing at doing exactly what I am encouraging other moms to do. Find your security in Christ, find your identity in God's purposes, find your strength in Jesus, find your confidence in the Holy Spirit's work, and find your reason for serving others in the fact that God is eternally serving and loving all of us: I say these things, and I know they are true, but they are not bringing me the help I wish they would.

During my eight-week-absence here, I've been attempting to learn to live. Not just staying alive and getting stuff done (which I really am not), but to actually want to do all the things my daily life requires. To say I don't struggle with depression would be a lie, but its spotty appearances, and its sudden disappearance every time I have more than four hours to myself, leave me working through this without the pursuit of professional help (for now). I really want to just have someone fix me and make me "normal." But for me, as of right now, I know there are things I need to deal with. It's harder than I realized to admit that I don't need or want Christ the way I should, the way I know is right, the way I know would be best.

I am fairly confident surrender is the answer, though I haven't yet fully embraced it. When I am completely, happily surrendered to God's will for my day, my mental check-list will not cause me to despair. When I totally trust that God's tasks for me are the absolute best, I will not feel guilty over other chores that are still undone. When I know for certain that the path I am on is 100% the best for us right now, I will not waver and waste a million hours fretting over if I can do, or should do something else. I have spent too much time striving and not enough time surrendering. And since it sucks so much to admit this, I am being ridiculous and just doing it publicly.

Somehow, there is a lot of satisfaction in bringing all this to light. Admitting struggle, confessing inability, coming to terms with my sin and my poor reactions that lead me away from peace; these are all impossible to do without God and still difficult to surrender to.

If you are in a hard spot like me, quit striving to make it all work out. Admit that it's hard, it's messy, and maybe even nearly impossible. Confess that you want to make it work but know only God can light that path for you. Find a way to bring these thoughts and fears to light. Whether that's talking about it with your spouse, with a good friend, a parent or your kids: it all needs to come into the light if you want it to stop messing with your head.

If you have friends in this hard spot, stop telling them to just quit. Yes, there is a time when you have too much on your plate. My dear homeschool mom friend told me several weeks ago that I had to stop going to every single one of my boys' practices. She graciously said I was doing enough for them, but that my 10+ hours each week of sitting outside to watch them throw, catch, dribble, and kick a ball was not actually helping them or the rest of my family. She was totally right! And this kind of advice is not what I'm talking about. If you're friend is so burdened by everything she wants to do but is not doing, telling her to stop wanting the deep burdens in her heart will not help.

We need to give life to one another, to water tender and breaking hearts with the refreshment Jesus gives. The mom who is doing too much might need told to stop. But the mom in despair with all the good she is trying to sow into the lives of others needs to be told it is worth it, even when it messes up other parts of life (like clean floors, folded laundry, or homemade meals every day of the week). God plants those seeds of desire in our hearts and He will always make a way for those callings, especially when it is a genuine investment in others. We need to stop driving each other from these things. We need to encourage one another into them.

Homeschooling or not, we need to be cultivating one another into the hard work of loving God first, and loving others as much as we love ourselves. It will be a sacrifice. It will often mean getting less for yourself. This is not a loss. Eternity is the main goal here, not blissful, momentary satisfaction with life on earth. Peace will follow surrender, and joy comes in knowing we are working towards the heavenly goals of God. I'm not saying don't take time to enjoy the blessings God gives on earth, but don't set your hearts upon them. When I can forget the goals I've selfishly established for my life here on earth and focus instead on what I want for eternity, surrendering to God's plan is foolishly simple. Not easy, but simple, and totally, completely, 100% of the time WORTH IT.

Please remember these things:

You are not the only person struggling. You can do this hard work. God will fill you up. Jesus will lead your decisions. The Holy Spirit will give you peace. Seek Him first. Don't think about what you weren't able to do but be confident in the work your are doing. Sow those good seeds over, and over, and over again. There are many women out there sowing in doubt, but we are blessed to be confident in this thing: "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil. 1:6)

God has got this. He's got you, and you'll be okay.


* If you are struggling with depression and it is interfering in your life in harmful, drastic ways, please don't try to will yourself from it. Medical depression and the struggle to enjoy life are complicated issues, and when it doubt, seek help!

Trusting for the Impossible.

If you have grown up in church, or have been in church for long, you're familiar with the idea of leaning on Jesus. He is to supply all our needs, to do what we cannot do ourselves. And yes, this is true! In my selfish state, I cannot make myself want to be a patient mom, and I cannot will my heart to love my family with a true servant's heart apart from Jesus changing my desires. But it really is funny how God seems to take something you think you knew, then lay it out in a brand new light, usually through circumstances you would not wish on anyone else.

Last week I had my first practicum of the year. Being involved in Classical Conversations has given me a place to work on my learning and speaking endeavors, so two summers ago and this summer I have been able to speak at a few of our three-day Practicum sessions. This is where we work together to better understand a specific topic, learn how to implement classical tools of learning in our daily teaching endeavors, and then practice what we are learning together. It's loads of fun, and loads of work. I speak for three days, do at least 80+ hours of reading, editing slides, and just overall coordinating materials. Each day is about five or six hours total of standing on stage, leading discussion, and sharing information. For some reason, I am just naturally wired to love it!

Although, I'm not the best at packing!

Back to last week, I was in Eugene for the three days and got to enjoy some time with my baby sister, who is really not a baby anymore, as well as visit Gutenberg College, and make a bunch of new friends. But God had a small kink He was going to throw into my plans. Monday night I became immensely sick, slept only two hours, and then it was time to get ready for day number two. No big deal, right? Ha! I cannot remember the last time I slept only two hours, but I guarantee I did not do anything important the next day. I cannot remember the last time I felt so miserable for so long either! And again, those sick days are usually followed by lots of TV for the kids and mom laying on the couch. So to say I was concerned at 6am is probably an understatement.

As I called, texted, and left messages with people in charge, I decided to try to get ready, do the bare minimum to be presentable, and hope for the best. I started to feel less nauseous, but I was feverish and sweating, had the car turned up to 80 degrees, and tried to rest on the heated seats. I really needed to just get through the first session, then we had plans for someone else attending who would be able to take over if needed. After being prayed over several times, and willingly stepping forward to do my job, I made it through the morning, and by lunch time I was laughing about how crazy it all was.


Now, I didn't go into those first sessions saying "God will provide for all my needs." I simply showed up and hoped I wouldn't die. I know God does not always provide the things I think I need, or help me achieve grand or amazing accomplishments. I know that His plans are often different than mine and, usually, a lot less comfortable. And this insane experience of mine was confirmation that God is doing works that are far beyond my understanding.

Feeling almost normal on Day 3 of Eugene Practicum! 

In church the following Sunday, we sang about how much we need Jesus, and the pieces of the puzzle started to come together a bit. I know that God must have supplied my need that Tuesday at Practicum, because I have never done anything coherent on only two hours of sleep. But how often do I go into situations in my life, fully confident in God's ability to accomplish His plans, not bemoaning the cost of those works? And more so, how often do I work hard in all my endeavors, trusting God to give my kids, my family, and the people I am investing in, what only He can give? Or do I simply look at myself, get frustrated at my inability, and sit alone in defeat?

I still don't really know why on earth God would have allowed me to get sick when I did, as it was honestly one of my worst nightmares as far at the timing was concerned, but I know I grew from that experience, and I saw God working in me in a far different way than I usually see. I have a different perspective on what it means for God to "supply our need" or to work in us far beyond what we can see or understand. This experience is forcing me to look at my daily life with less trust in myself, but not in a defeated way. I can see my inability and say "I know God has got it covered."

He is always at work, always desiring for us to trust Him in our lack. And not just in our physical lack, or monetary lack, or energy-related lack, but in all ways that we cannot be perfect, He is there, willing to give out the rest. In all our endeavors, when we truly seek His will, He is there making up for all the ways we fall short. We don't need to obsess over what we are unable to give our children, or the goals we still are unable to reach. God is there, working things out, providing for us in both dramatic and normal ways. He barely sustains us when that is all we need, and He gives us great abundance when that is what what we need.

Are you seeing a theme yet? We can trust that whatever provision He is sending, is precisely what we need. This insight has brought me great joy and comfort this week. I think most moms struggle with inadequacy and wondering if they are truly giving their family what they need. But God's provision during my time of need has reminded me that He is always working, always giving my family what they need, through all of my failures, strengths, struggles, and victories. He's making up for my lack and providing me the strength to excel with the gifts He has given.

This is the road to low-stress parenting, and I'm beginning to see it as the road to low-stress life as well: trusting God for all the things we cannot control. And not just hoping it works out, but knowing with full confidence that in every situation God is working out the details for the betterment of our souls. Beautiful comfort, sweet delight, undeserved blessing! Yes, easier said than done, but well worth the effort to pursue.

More Favorite Things!

To all of you faithful followers, however few you might be, I hope you have not missed my weekly posts and are at least enjoying some other good reading. The weekly commitment is just a bit much for me right now, so monthly posts are going to become the norm!

This summer is jam-packed with speaking, reading, writing, attending, learning, and likely a lot of swimming with my kids :) Even though my schedule feels a bit overwhelming right now, I know it will be a great summer, filled with life-giving, beautiful moments and lessons. Lots of work for sure, but I am confident bunches of wonderful goodness will come from all of it.

For something a bit lighter, I thought I'd jump on and share with you some of the things I am enjoying right now. Coloring, accessories, books, oils, decor... I have so much fun stuff to show you! I hope you enjoy it all as much as I do :) Affiliate links are included.

I found this company last night... how cute are their watch bands! It's hard to pick just one. I'm thinking something colorful and floral, or teal blue. Teal blue matches everything, right? 

I'm in the middle of a lot of books right now (who am I joking, all the time), but in preparation for speaking at a couple Classical Conversations Practicums in June, I am finishing up this book about the way we ought to teach. It is SO good! Hitting the nail on the head. 

While doing spelling with he boys lately, I've been coloring these lovely little pages, just to be doing something a bit mindless but beautiful. It's been fun :) Though, here are a couple other books I like too...

I recently started working out again at StrengthFarm in SE Portland, where I was before we sold our old house. It's about a 20min drive now, but it gives me time to pray, listen to books, or just enjoy some peace & quiet. I love lifting weights, and with an in-house Physical Therapist, it was an easy choice. I couldn't make the drive from our rental in NW, but our new place is much closer and I am SO thankful to be back! 

As many of you know, I have totally jumped onto the Oily train and have been running a business with my sister. I recently bought this water bottle and am LOVING it. I bring it everywhere and add in some Lemon, Peppermint, or Grapefruit oil for a little zing and wellness :)

This month, you get a FREE 15ml Tangerine when you buy your kit, so if you've been pondering that decision, don't wait! 

Last month, I won this sign because my little sister tagged me in an Instagram Giveaway - I think it might be the best thing I've even won! So pretty, right? The woman who runs her shop is fairly local, so check out her Etsy Shop and her Instagram and be inspired (and buy a sign). 

This is me a few weeks ago, after a Physical Therapy session for my knee, enjoying a couple hours without kids (thanks to my AMAZING friend Mary). I've been trying really hard to eat better lunches, and it is easier to do with avocados in the house. How are they so delicious? No one else likes them, so at least I don't have to worry about avocado thieves around here!

I may have linked to these before, but I just adore them. They are perfect if you pick up one of those coloring books. Nice color, super-fine tip, and they fill in with even color so easily! Great for other uses too, though watch out for bleeding through thinner pages. 

We just finished reading this book with the Richardson kiddos this morning, and we also read The Magic Finger earlier today too (super quick, super entertaining). I just love almost everything by Roald Dahl. He just seemed to have such a great sense of what was funny and entertaining for children without diminishing the value in beautiful language. I am slowly collecting his books each visit to Goodwill or Value Village or when they are discounted on Amazon.

Lastly, we are really enjoying the pool. Though, my oldest seems to think we should just swim every day for hours on end. Their fair skin and hay fever require them to take breaks, thankfully for me! I am enjoying the additional exercise, but this mama has things to do too... I can't lounge all day. Not until August anyway ;)

I'm sure there are many more things I could share, but the list is too long and our attention spans, I'm sure, are too short. I hope you look around your life, find the beautiful things you can revel in, and enjoy your summer with your family. Don't despise the small, don't cling so tightly to your agenda that you hate the interruptions, and don't forget to love the people in your life EVERY day! 

If you want to stay a little more "in the loop" as far as my life goes, come follow me on Instagram @jojococamo

Happy Almost Summer!

Learning to Love the Challenge of Growing.

If you remember a while ago, I posted a little about myself and my struggle with certain strengths and desires here. I listed my top five strengths according to the survey in Now, Discover Your Strengths tried to better explain my constant desire to finish well, to do my best, and achieve the greatest possible outcome I can control. As I seem to be given many opportunities to grow in my areas of weakness, lately I have been inspired to see how I can use my strengths in ways that don't seem so obvious at first. These strengths are things I've known about for over 15 years now but I have rarely looked at them objectively, seeking to leverage them in order to fulfill a purpose or achieve a goal - despite being an achiever! Ha! But lately, I've been intentionally embracing these parts of myself and trying to enjoy them, to let them be a blessing to others, even if the opportunity to use them is less than pleasant, and grow into them as much as I can.

I've often been told I am energetic, passionate, and that my excitement over something rubs off on other people. But let me tell you, I hardly ever feel like that energized person for more than moments at a time. This really got to me the last couple years, as more and more strangers would talk about how I inspired them or encouraged them in their learning, or their ambitions, and I would feel a little bit dumbfounded. I tried really hard not to look confused, but that is definitely how I felt.

Days after a big event, or after and meeting where I got to talk about a subject I love, I'd often crash emotionally and wonder if I was being something other than my genuine self in those settings. It wasn't until after SheSpeaks last year that I began to connect the dots about this mystery in my life. With each passing month I am gaining more clarity about myself, my role, my choices, and see the different modes in which I operate. It wasn't that I was not being genuine during those times, but rather than much of my life does not include room for my natural strengths to be used, at least, not in the ways I envisioned, not in the ways that easily rejuvenate me.

How does one "achieve" as a SAHM without making herself overly proud of the role she is in? Plus, I'm bad at cleaning, so my daily list of accomplishments is rarely something to boast about. How does a SAHM feel good about the progress of her projects at home or the things she got started when it's very taboo to brag about home-life and homeschooling your children? I definitely think that is not the way to go, and it would just build walls. How could I possibly Win Others Over or win at anything important when I often prefer to stay home and read a book? Yeah, it definitely does not feel like a lot of winning on those days. Are you seeing how I was feeling? So many of my strengths are not ideal for being a homeschool mom.

For long bouts, I let this defeat me. I succumbed to the idea that a good homeschool mom makes everything from scratch, is 100 percent content to sacrifice most of her time for her kids, or is a patient, soft-spoken, morning person. If I met another woman who didn't struggle with the desire to accomplish something important, I automatically assumed she was better than me, or that something was terribly amiss in my heart. Women can be like this, as I'm sure you know. We analyze ourselves by comparison, it just comes naturally. But we need to start analyzing ourselves by God's standards.

Several things will happen when we do this.

We will be more humble. When we see that we can never live up to the level of perfection and love that God calls us to, we will receive His grace much more willingly and happily.

We will love other women without judgment... or at least less. We will recognize their flaws as innate, not purposeful or impossible to overcome and we will be quick to forgive and overlook offenses. We will desire to see good things in them, to know them better and be real with them more regularly.

We will be free from our own judgements. We will see that God has made us in particular ways for particular purposes, and different seasons of our lives will grow us in different ways. This will enable us to embrace difficult seasons, knowing they are not the only season we will have in life. We will not be fearful of enduring hardship, because we trust it will end in due time and will have its desired effect.

According to God's word, He is preparing me for good works, according to His purposes (Ephesians 2:10). A long season of sacrificing in ways that are not natural, or even desirable, is preparing me for different hard seasons, which may feel easier after having endured those other hard seasons. I will be stronger because of them, or at least, more willing to endure, because I know there will be another spring at the end of each desolate winter.

While I truly love homeschooling and being home with my kids, I see this season not as the pinnacle of my life, but as a season of preparation and opportunity. Part of the great opportunity lies in being the primary person my children turn to for help. They have come to trust me, to see me as the first person they can come to for whatever need they have. What a blessing that is! Another part of this opportunity is the chance to grow in ways that are uncomfortable in the comfort of my home. I stink at serving, I am often a lousy house-wife, and usually pretty bad at being tidy. But, I'm not called out publicly on these things (unless you count admitting this all to you). I can work on these in private and avoid being shamed in front other others. I can get help from people who love me as needed, and my job is not at stake because of my failures.

The preparation aspect of my role at home is a little harder to remember on difficult days. I have many interruptions throughout my day, a lot of people asking me questions, and so many demands placed upon me, both from myself and from others, that I am forced to be more organized and more intentional. But somehow, I still end up getting sidetracked, becoming distracted by other people's success or by my own misery (yes, that's a little dramatic, but I'm just trying to be honest here). I forget to trust the Lord and work with His plans instead of dwelling on my own. When I put my heart into my "work", no matter what that looks like on each particular day, I can trust this work has a good purpose, one God has set in motion to accumulate and build and grow into another purpose He has for me down the road. When I despise this work of being steady, patient, service-minded, and giving, I miss out on being ready for the other works He is setting on my path. They get delayed, or maybe I'm simply less prepared when I finally catch up to them, and there are few things I hate more than not being prepared for something important!

I hope you are catching my drift in all of this rambling. Our strengths are not always used in all the seasons of our lives, but we can find ways to grow no matter the situations we find ourselves in. I am practicing my strength of Winning Others Over by trying to Win my children's hearts and minds over to the Lord's purposes. I try to use my strength of being an avid Learner to show to beauty of learning to those I encounter, young and old alike, and homeschooling really does afford me great opportunity in this certain strength. While my strength of being an Activator is hard when often stranded at home with obligations other than the tasks I'd like to accomplish, I can work on getting the kids started on their tasks, investing in their needs and goals, finding contentment in God's purpose behind being home, not just in my own goals or personal endeavors.

Most of all, I really want you to see how your strengths can still be used in situations that are not what you had planned, or even what seem fitting. No matter where you find yourself, you can use your God-ordained gifts to grow, bless, and be content, despite every single challenge you encounter. When you look back at these seasons of difficulty, you will smile seeing all the ways you grew, all the ways God prepared you for the situation you are currently facing, and know that once again, you will grow, learn, and be fully capable to walk in the truth.

My Big Three and My Biggest Plan.

I love New Years, and I usually make some resolutions, but this year I just never got around to putting them down on paper. After reading The Accidental Creative last year, how I look at my life and my perspective on making progress have changed. I don't think having a bunch of goals is necessarily the best way to ensure you accomplish what you hope to, so instead I'm choosing to narrow my focus and make plans along certain priorities.

In his book Todd Henry recommends having a "Big Three", three main priorities you are always looking at, three goals for the month, three projects, etc. More than three and you're spread too thin. Less than three and you'll get easily distracted and stop moving forward. So what are my big three? Aside from my service to God and my family (which always come before everything else), I am focusing on...

- Homeschooling
- Writing
- My Oils Business

Each week and each month I will have certain objectives and planned tasks in order to keep me on track. I'll have to actually look at my planner, but more on that later. I want to spend a short amount time here on the blog on each of those priorities, and today I'll start with homeschooling.

Several days ago, I was in a major funk. Hardly functioning really, just taking care of daily stuff, completely irritable, and hardly able to think a single thought to completion. I was certainly not my best self. In all reality, I get like this semi-frequently, maybe every other month or so, it's really hard to nail down why. Anyway, I felt like my life was always going to be this under-whleming normal, the person who is always needed, and while often appreciated, I just wasn't feeling like the this life was the best use of myself. I was spending a lot of time thinking about my goals, my ambition, my lack of energy, my giant load of responsibility, and none of it was fitting together enough to make sense.

As I scrolled through Instagram (for maybe the tenth time that day), I came across a friend's post where she quoted a few lines from a book a friend gave her. I don't know all the people I need to thank for making that happen, but Amanda is one if them for sure! Here it is:

"When we are consumed by God's glory, we forget to worry about our own. When our eyes are fixed on Him as the source of all goodness and truth and beauty, we accept that we are not. When we are enamored by His worth and majesty, we can stop being so enamored with ourselves. And fascinatingly, when we seek God's glory, we'll be able to appreciate it in the people around us. Instead of seeing them as threats to our own glory, we will see them as beautiful reflections of His."

This quote is by Hannah Anderson in her book Humble Roots.

Isn't that the perfect reminder? I was so busy trying to figure out my own life, I could not even begin to enjoy my role or look for the silver linings in all the difficult parts of being a homeschool mom, much less lovingly invest in my kids (which is the pretty much the whole point). What makes this quote, this truth, even more refreshing is that our current culture doesn't say this, and much of popular Christianity today does not say this. Famous authors, accomplished people, and many well-known Christian women tell us to look in our heart, to find our true desires, and make those dreams happen. At what point do we admit that our hearts are askew and maybe we have no clue what is really best for our lives?

We are so focused on ourselves that we despise the "inconveniences" we encounter every day, and we miss all the things God is putting in our way to lead us down a better path. If that path is more tumultuous, more painful, or simply less glamorous, we despise it or question how it can possibly be good. We don't actually believe that a life filled with service, alternate plans, and less consideration about our own dreams will actually be better, more fulfilling, and more worthwhile. I think I believe this, but my heart and these tumultuous bouts with my mind prove that I don't believe it as much as I'd like to think.

So what does this have to do with my homeschooling? What I really want is to make my plans and be willing to relinquish them, to be after God's priorities in our schooling time more than my own ideas of what needs to happen and how. I made my agenda for the year, and I want to focus on meeting my kids needs in schooling above my other ambitions. I want to gladly sit down and read to them without resentment, without worrying about my other tasks, without rushing through. I want to savor them, and more than just that, I want to earnestly seek out what God is doing through our homeschooling to grow in relationship with my kids and other homeschool families.

In all of my big three priorities, I need to be reminded of one thing: God's glory is most important. My kids seeing God in my behavior is more important than my shower, bigger than the inconvenience of spilled milk, and far superior to my agenda of getting my seven-year-old to memorize three types of consumers. If I can stop, look to see how wonderful God made each of my children, and look for the way to love them well, my homeschooling endeavors will be accomplished.

For some of you, seeking God's glory might mean handing over the schooling to someone else, or maybe it means asking for help when you don't want to admit you are struggling. It is totally possible that God's glory means pursuing that fire He put in you above a lot of other things in your life. What this decision-making, priority-setting process really comes down to is willingness. How willing are you to drop one thing and move on to whatever it is God is asking you to step into? How hard are you clinging to hopes, dreams, ambitions, or goals that are not God's goals for you and your family? This is a tough pill to swallow, I hear you.

As a very ambitious, type-A, goal-oriented person, I am trying to swallow this pill the best I can. But each time I come back to this idea, every time I remember I am after God's work (not my plan), the pill slides a little further down, bringing more peace and less craziness in my brain. We need to admit we don't always know best, and confess that sometimes we are irrationally clinging to goals that do not make sense in God's kingdom. We have to see that being a person, a mom, a wife, an (insert whatever your main identity word is here), does not actually revolve around us, but around God's work, around His agenda, around His purpose for us in that role.

Why on earth would we want to miss the exciting work of God's plans being forefront in our lives? We really think we know what is best for us, but I know wholeheartedly that we don't. It's time for us to admit it, come face-to-face with the fact that our pouting is mostly about our selfish wants, and less about God's holy work. I want to want what God wants more than the other things I want (still with me?). More than I want to get my own way, more than I want to have everything under my control. I finally feel crazy and overwhelmed enough to admit I cannot figure out my life and my purpose on my own. It feels surprisingly good, I'm not sure why it always takes me so long, or why I constantly forget. The peace we can gain from simply allowing God's work to be the most important thing in our lives is completely unreal. It's not a fair trade, and we are definitely getting the better end of this deal.

Maybe this all seems a bit vague to you, so I'll tell you some tangible things I'll be doing to ensure God's work is my priority.

1. Reading my bible and praying for others will come before Instagram and Facebook. It seems like a no-brainer, but seriously, it can be a problem.

2. Speaking kindly to my children will be a daily goal, sometimes hourly, often every few minutes. Children forgive, but they are shaped by our tone, and this is something I am working really hard to get a grip on.

3. Homeschooling will come before my other priorities. Before trying to get caught up on business posts, or reading, I need to ensure I am using my time for my kids' education without resentment for how it inhibits my schedule. Their educational needs will change, and right now, and for the next three to five years, what they glean from my personal input is huge. It needs to be extremely important, set-apart, and seen as a glorious opportunity to fill my kids up with God's goodness and the beauty of the world He made.

So that's my general homeschooling agenda until summer. Overall, I'm seeing how the biggest investment opportunities we have revolve around people. People are influenced by people. Maybe they are motivated by dollars, by prizes, or prestige, but people rarely find peace, love, or a healthy identity because of those things. So in my big three I will be looking at how I can invest in others the way God would invest in them. Being a good friend, a reliable neighbor, a stable and comforting mother - these are the qualities that I want to see affecting my big three this year. And I'm convinced that as I follow God's lead in these ambitions, no matter what other hopes or dreams fall apart, I will be content knowing I've put a seed of God's love into all the passions I've pursued and into all the people I've invested in.

Giveaway Time!

That's right, it's time for a giveaway! Homeschooling or not, you will want to devour this particular book, along with the hundreds of books listed. This post does contain affiliate links, which means I make a few cents if you click and buy. Thanks for contributing to my writing endeavors ;)

The book I'm going to tell you a little about is called Give Your Child the World by Jamie Martin.

I first saw this book popping up on various social media accounts early this summer. These posts came from people like my local Classical Conversations director, Sarah Mackenzie at Read Aloud Revival, other dear homeschooling moms, and even random friends on Facebook who simply have an interest in giving their children a more global experience. If you have any interest in bettering your children's education or experiencing another culture despite your inability to immerse yourself in it, this book is definitely for you!

Right away I knew I was going to love Jamie Martin. I actually didn't realize she was a homeschooling mom until later in the book, as she certainly does not boast in her methods of educating her children or even endorse homeschooling exclusively. You can tell she genuinely loves learning about the world and sharing it with her family every chance she gets. She speaks in the beginning about how Story enables us to set aside worry and immerse ourselves in the present, even if we are reading about the past. I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get with laying down potential problems and enjoying present circumstances.

Story is a big part of how we learn, and Jamie talks about it frequently in Part 1 of her book. She gives really practical tips on how we can introduce other parts of the world to our children from the comforts of home. Food, home decor, international news, and child sponsorship are just a few of the ways we can dip our toes into the waters of learning about the globe. Jamie gives very tangible examples on how to do this, but doesn't stay there too long. She reminds us over and over again that knowing our world and the people in it are important, fulfilling, even life-giving tasks, and we can gain ground in doing so every day.

So what exactly is in the book you ask? Too much to list here!

First off, Jamie explains the importance of global learning and being immersed in story, then she separates many categories of books for us to browse. There are multi-cultural books, and then books according to their continent, all sectioned by age groups with descriptions and anything pertinent us parents should know before diving in or allowing our older children to do so alone.

Thanks to Jamie and her book, I have a giant list of books to get from the library, and we've read a few of her suggestions already! It was fun to see books I'd read as a teenager listed as well and remembering what I learned from the people in all those pages. I plan to look through these lists and pick out some books for my kids based on people and places we'll be learning about this school year. For us, that includes the middle-east, some of Asia, and a lot of historical figures from Europe. With Jamie's book, I'll be able to easily look at what books will suit our needs this school year, one continent and age-group at a time.

So, do you want your own copy yet? Good! Because I have one copy to give out to one of you lucky readers! You can give a big thanks to The Blythe Daniel Agency and The Blog Spot for contributing to this giveaway. I was already reading this book when they offered to let me post a review and give away a copy of this wonderful book at their expense.

There are only three simple rules to participate:

1- Go and follow Jamie Martin on Instagram.

2- Go and follow me on Instagram.

3- Comment on this blog-post and tell me what country you hope to learn more about or visit one day!

See? So easy!

Next Friday morning I will post the winner, so come back to see if it's you!

In the meantime, think about how you encounter other places everyday in your normal life at home. Where was your shirt made? What Historical person came up randomly in conversation and where did they live? Think about a time you experienced another part of the world and share that story with your children. Opportunity to see more of the world from home is hiding under mundane routines, but it's so accessible, and I love that Jamie and her book have helped me uncover it for myself and for my family. Happy learning, see you next week!

Mercy, Not Sacrifice.

I've been thinking about this quote from the bible in Matthew 9:13 a lot recently.

"Go and learn what this means 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

Jesus was eating with tax collectors and the like, when the Pharisees began to question His disciples about it. Jesus tells them to think about this idea; mercy, not sacrifice. He wants them to know He is out to save the lost, not those who consider themselves righteous.

Jesus also recites this phrase again in Matthew 12:7, telling the Pharisees that yes, it was lawful to pick grain to eat on the Sabbath based on this same idea; mercy, not sacrifice.

This original phrase is found in Hosea 6:6 and says "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

God was speaking to His people, telling them that their sacrifices were in vain if they did not turn their hearts back to Him. Jesus used this with the Pharisees to tell them God desired their hearts, not their attempts at living righteously.

The reason I have been thinking about these verses and this idea is because of how quick I am to name my own sacrifices. I give up free time, I exert my energy on home-cooked meals (mostly), I spend hours reading and researching about how to educate my children, then I actually spend bunches of hours teaching them not just math, but also social skills, every other subject, and about God. I give up mid-day coffee dates with friends and I have to bring my kids with me almost everywhere I go. I make a lot of sacrifices in the name of raising my children well, and this verse always left me feeling like I must be missing something. I feel like it's becoming more clear in my mind how I have been misunderstanding what kind of sacrifice God wants.

God doesn't want me to simply sacrifice everything for my family, He wants me to have mercy toward them, to have steadfast love be my guiding force. When I honestly evaluate my actions and intentions, they are not usually guided by steadfast love. I've never been one to claim perseverance as a quality I possess, either physically or mentally, but I see God working in me more and more to gain some ground in it. And being merciful to children day after day, really requires the perseverance only God can give.

To help explain it better, you can see mercy defined as:

- compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power.
- the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing.
- an act of kindness, compassion, or favor.

Having mercy toward children can sometimes feel like wussing out, or letting the kids win, but a deeper look has shown me that having mercy on someone is usually still sacrifice, just dressed in different clothing. For instance, when I am patient and speak kindly to a child who has disobeyed, I am giving up my desire to express anger. When I choose to kindly help a child who is frustrated, I am sacrificing my own frustration and energy. When I decide not to complain, I am giving up a selfish desire to have my troubles be known.

Is this sinking in? Can you see how it works out?

Mercy is not just letting a person get away with doing wrong, it's doling out kindness, deserved or not. It's not giving what the natural world gives, but offering something better. It's working toward restoration instead of only allowing consequences. Mercy is sacrificing what you think should happen, to let love reign.

The picture of Jesus giving us mercy instead of eternal death needs to be our example. I'm not saying my kids never suffer consequences, but I'm looking more deeply at my reactions and motivations, sorting out what is sacrifice in order to lift myself up (like the Pharisees) or mercy toward people who need Jesus too. Jesus didn't hold up His sacrifice toward others as His proof of love, He simply acted lovingly in everything He did.

This concept is changing how I homeschool, how I discipline, and how I think about the things I am willing or unwilling to sacrifice. If I am willing to give up a career at this stage of my kids' lives to better their futures, shouldn't I be willing to do so kindly? If not, something has been lost. It shows me how I have held up my sacrifice as proof of my desire to live righteously, but have not looked at what God actually wants from me.

Steadfast love. Mercy. Compassion.

These are what I need to be giving. I need to let go of frustration in order to give steadfast love. I have to give up anger if I want to dish out mercy. I must let go of my own standard of what my kids should be able to do in order to have compassion toward them. And trust me, it takes a lot of bravery and guts to swallow that pride in our sacrifice and admit we could stand to love better.

I hope this is helpful for all you weary moms, homeschoolers or not. You will feel a burden lifted when you let go of your sacrifices and hang on to God's mercy. It is truly endless. I know it might feel like defeat to set those burnt offerings down, but you have victory in Him. He'll give you countless days of blessing with your family when you decide to give them love, mercy, and compassion, instead of just sacrificing for them. And the best part, it's never too late to start!