Called to Work.

I hope it's no surprise to you that you are Called to Work. The idea that working hard at something came as a result of the fall used to be more commonplace than it is now, but we still live in that world a little bit. We still think hard work is a negative. We assume that we have it made if we have to work less, or if our work is not too challenging.

Difficult work comes in many forms. There is work that is physically hard and work that is mentally hard. Some jobs take a severe emotional toll on a person and others insight an ungodly amount of stress. And while all jobs probably have some aspect to them that is hard, most jobs still have a root of goodness in them. And most of the jobs you readers likely have can be used to glorify God.

Working was something God ordained, after all. He gave Adam dominion and authority over all the animals on the earth and commanded him and Eve to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth. That phrase "to subdue it" in Hebrew means to bring into subjection, or to bring into bondage. The earth was theirs to control, to maintain, and can you imagine what a job that would be? Genesis 2:15 says that after God created Adam He put him in the garden to work it and keep it. The first job in history!

It's easy to get caught up in thinking about which specific job we are called to and which jobs have a more honorable, holy calling. That is not only a false way to segregate work, but it is a dangerous route and often leads to procrastination, inaction, and judgement between believers. I've mentioned a few times during this series my goal of encouraging people to take their eyes off big life choices like where to live, what job to take, who to marry, etc., and instead focus on what the bible specifically calls us to. And working is just another one of those things.

It is true that some jobs are simply necessary, and not usually very glamorous, but they just need to be done. Pumping gas, doing laundry, cleaning toilets, cooking food: they have the likelihood of being simple, boring, easy, and monotonous. But what happens when no one does them? These types of jobs bless others in pivotal ways even though they are not highly-esteemed or sought-after positions. However, as a Christian, we can choose to do these jobs and infuse them with the joy of the Lord, which makes an incalculable difference in the lives of others.

Let's look at what the bible says about work. Here are a few verses that give us some good information...

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

"But if anyone does not provide for this relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

"But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one." 1 Thessalonians 4:10b-12

"Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need." Ephesians 4:28

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 5:16

Some of these verses talk about working as in earning an income, or having a job. Others speak to actions that seem unassociated with money, like acts of kindness or service. I assure you, they all fall under the same umbrella. Why? Because money should not change the way we act toward others. It shouldn't change our disposition, our eagerness to do well, or our willingness to work without complaining. Money is simply a tool to use but it is the actual work we do that has a purpose.

What is that purpose? I see two things popping out from these scriptures, but the second idea supports the first.

1- to glorify God and show His goodness to others

2- to provide for the needs of others

When we work with happy hearts, as unto Christ, we demonstrate the goodness of God to unbelievers. They see us doing good for others and can see the reality of God! Without these works, we are just another person spouting off what we think is true or right. But with these works, people actually experience God. Genuine faith in God requires that we take action, as James talks about in James 2:14-26. Not only does our action show God to others, it reveals what we truly believe in our hearts.

Providing for the needs of others is the other main point of working that I see in all these verses. James also talks about this in the same passage referenced above, primarily that if we are only saying nice things to those who are suffering and simply offering prayer for others without any actual action, our faith is not real. He basically says that if we believe in God's gift of Jesus Christ, it will move us to action, to doing good works unto others. Paul emphasizes this in several of his epistles too. The thief ought to work not just so he won't steal, but so that he can give. The husband or leader of the home works to provide for those in his care, and in Titus 3:8 he says that the people in the church ought to devote themselves to good works for the benefit of other people.

It's really easy to look at our jobs (if you have one) and see how it benefits your family. But it's a lot harder to look at your entire day, week, year, or life and wonder if you are truly committing yourself to the kind of work God would have you do. Not in your career necessarily, but in your day-to-day actions. How devoted are you to working on behalf of your unbelieving neighbor? How committed are you to making life easier or better for your spouse or children? How likely are you to work with or without pay so that the unbelieving around you would see God in your sacrifice?

These are direct, pointed questions, and you should expect them to make you wiggle a bit in your chair (don't worry, they make me squirm too). I tend to be stingy with my time and my kids are rather demanding with much of my time, so every day I feel like I am constantly evaluating and navigating this type of question and response routine. It's hard to give so much of yourself, with or without pay. It's hard to make all of your work about something other that you!

But really, our entire existence is about far more than ourselves. When we deny it, we are living a lie. When we think our work is for us, for our personal gratification or benefit, we are trying to grasp and hang on to what God meant to be given to others. Don't get me wrong, there is often deep personal satisfaction in doing our job well and feeling like we were made for it, but we were made for God's work, not our own. When our work is glorifying to God, and for the benefit of others, and when we are happy to have it be so, we gain a peace that cannot be compromised. Don't you want that? I know I do! A peace that interruptions, disappointment, sorrow, and pain cannot take away... that's what Jesus offers. And when our work is centered on Jesus' work, on the goodness it does for others and the testimony it is for God, our work becomes fulfilling and life-giving.

So, what does that mean for my habits and routines this month? I'm not totally sure yet (what's new)! I am going to be participating in a blog-hop series with some writer friends revolving around the word Calm next week, so be looking for that. I hope to post some more though-provoking questions in the 12 Months of Called Facebook group I've set up and I hope that will bless your thought-life, your intentions, and your actual work. I have a lot of other books to catch up on so I think I will just work through those and see what comes from all of it.

The one thing I know I will do is fight discouragement with these two purposes in my work. If I know it helps others and I know it can glorify God, I will tell myself it matters and will fight to do it with joy. I'm sure this will put a target on my back, but I feel like I am at a turning point in my life where I need to combat the lies that make me feel fruitless and wasteful in what I do. I think we can all stand to question what we are pursuing and ask God whether it is glorifying to Him and others-minded. If it is, we can take a firm stand in knowing that our selfless living is more than worth it. Are you going to stand with me? Are you willing to give, to work, to sacrifice and strive for God and others?

Let's be renewed every day in this choice we are making. Be sure to join the Facebook group to get your free phone wallpaper to remind you of this beautiful, challenging, important endeavor. God is with you, and so am I.

Struggle-Town

Perhaps you've noticed my absence. The pessimist in me says probably not, but I'm trying to choke down that pesky voice.

In all my homeschooling years, this September has been the most difficult by far. I know, it's October, but I'm back-tracking just a bit. There are probably at least 20 reasons why last month was so challenging: football practice for Asher three days a week, soccer practice for Cole two days a week, tutoring Essentials (and learning everything from Essentials for the first time ever), teaching Asher through Essentials for the first time, Jovi being in CC for the first time, and trying to write a book/book proposal at the same time are the large chunk of it.

I don't see myself as a positive person really, but some people might say I am good at looking at the bright side of things. I think it comes more from my ability to look at what's wrong and then come up with a great solution. So in reality, it starts with looking at fault and discord, then it morphs into improvement, which often looks to others like a lovely spin on difficulties. But this month, and last month, there is so much to do, so much always left undone, and more ambition than I can wrestle, that I am striving incredibly hard to stay afloat and still smile. No matter what solution I try to come up with to "fix" it all, nothing gets fixed. It has been extremely challenging to not quit everything and it's still really hard to not give up.

Many of the women in my circle of ambition are SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) too, but most of them have their children in school full time. Other moms who are homeschooling along with me don't have the same nagging drive for working outside the home or other business-like endeavors. Then the moms who do, and are prominent or successful, seem to have husbands whose jobs are more flexible, or who even work together on their same, thriving business. I know, I know, I'm sure I'm not the only mom wearing these shoes, but I often feel very alone in this journey, and much of the time, left without options for getting everything done. This is part of why I started this blog. Many of us desperately need to hear from ordinary, struggling homeschool moms.

As I try to make progress on my book proposal I am pretty much failing at doing exactly what I am encouraging other moms to do. Find your security in Christ, find your identity in God's purposes, find your strength in Jesus, find your confidence in the Holy Spirit's work, and find your reason for serving others in the fact that God is eternally serving and loving all of us: I say these things, and I know they are true, but they are not bringing me the help I wish they would.

During my eight-week-absence here, I've been attempting to learn to live. Not just staying alive and getting stuff done (which I really am not), but to actually want to do all the things my daily life requires. To say I don't struggle with depression would be a lie, but its spotty appearances, and its sudden disappearance every time I have more than four hours to myself, leave me working through this without the pursuit of professional help (for now). I really want to just have someone fix me and make me "normal." But for me, as of right now, I know there are things I need to deal with. It's harder than I realized to admit that I don't need or want Christ the way I should, the way I know is right, the way I know would be best.

I am fairly confident surrender is the answer, though I haven't yet fully embraced it. When I am completely, happily surrendered to God's will for my day, my mental check-list will not cause me to despair. When I totally trust that God's tasks for me are the absolute best, I will not feel guilty over other chores that are still undone. When I know for certain that the path I am on is 100% the best for us right now, I will not waver and waste a million hours fretting over if I can do, or should do something else. I have spent too much time striving and not enough time surrendering. And since it sucks so much to admit this, I am being ridiculous and just doing it publicly.

Somehow, there is a lot of satisfaction in bringing all this to light. Admitting struggle, confessing inability, coming to terms with my sin and my poor reactions that lead me away from peace; these are all impossible to do without God and still difficult to surrender to.

If you are in a hard spot like me, quit striving to make it all work out. Admit that it's hard, it's messy, and maybe even nearly impossible. Confess that you want to make it work but know only God can light that path for you. Find a way to bring these thoughts and fears to light. Whether that's talking about it with your spouse, with a good friend, a parent or your kids: it all needs to come into the light if you want it to stop messing with your head.

If you have friends in this hard spot, stop telling them to just quit. Yes, there is a time when you have too much on your plate. My dear homeschool mom friend told me several weeks ago that I had to stop going to every single one of my boys' practices. She graciously said I was doing enough for them, but that my 10+ hours each week of sitting outside to watch them throw, catch, dribble, and kick a ball was not actually helping them or the rest of my family. She was totally right! And this kind of advice is not what I'm talking about. If you're friend is so burdened by everything she wants to do but is not doing, telling her to stop wanting the deep burdens in her heart will not help.

We need to give life to one another, to water tender and breaking hearts with the refreshment Jesus gives. The mom who is doing too much might need told to stop. But the mom in despair with all the good she is trying to sow into the lives of others needs to be told it is worth it, even when it messes up other parts of life (like clean floors, folded laundry, or homemade meals every day of the week). God plants those seeds of desire in our hearts and He will always make a way for those callings, especially when it is a genuine investment in others. We need to stop driving each other from these things. We need to encourage one another into them.

Homeschooling or not, we need to be cultivating one another into the hard work of loving God first, and loving others as much as we love ourselves. It will be a sacrifice. It will often mean getting less for yourself. This is not a loss. Eternity is the main goal here, not blissful, momentary satisfaction with life on earth. Peace will follow surrender, and joy comes in knowing we are working towards the heavenly goals of God. I'm not saying don't take time to enjoy the blessings God gives on earth, but don't set your hearts upon them. When I can forget the goals I've selfishly established for my life here on earth and focus instead on what I want for eternity, surrendering to God's plan is foolishly simple. Not easy, but simple, and totally, completely, 100% of the time WORTH IT.

Please remember these things:

You are not the only person struggling. You can do this hard work. God will fill you up. Jesus will lead your decisions. The Holy Spirit will give you peace. Seek Him first. Don't think about what you weren't able to do but be confident in the work your are doing. Sow those good seeds over, and over, and over again. There are many women out there sowing in doubt, but we are blessed to be confident in this thing: "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil. 1:6)

God has got this. He's got you, and you'll be okay.


* If you are struggling with depression and it is interfering in your life in harmful, drastic ways, please don't try to will yourself from it. Medical depression and the struggle to enjoy life are complicated issues, and when it doubt, seek help!

More Important than Me.

When political tides loom large, and the Facebook frenzy is intense, I tend to be very selective in what I comment on and like. After all, sometimes it takes a lot of words to fully express my observations, intentions, and the heart behind these black and white letters. And I don't usually have all day to interact back and forth in the online world. No matter, I still want to say something about the events unfolding in our country but I am not a voice that carries a lot of weight in these matters, so I have been hesitant to put my thoughts on paper/computer.

I grew up in a small, isolated, Oregon beach town. I can remember one black male student in High School, a few more Hispanic kids, and a handful Asian students, but the gross majority was white. My college was also mostly white, and while I knew some of this was geographical, much of it is racial. Not because black students were not welcome, but because of the historical events that have altered what is available to who.

Most of why I don't often speak up is because I don't know the entire picture. Living all of my life on the West Coast, as a white woman, in a liberal state has put me far away from the front lines where most of our country's racial prejudice has been battled. I have seen it here and there, and now more so with social media and instantaneous news, but I know it is not the same for me. My dear half-Filipino friend who married a black man has said she sees it far more often now. Comments like "You are pretty smart for a black guy!" or people being surprised at the way he speaks are frustrating to her. It feels minimal to many, but this the small perpetuation of judgement by appearance is part of what keeps us from ridding of racism in our country.

A few things I do know, but I don't know them well, are the ways drug-arrests, housing affordability, and educational opportunity continue to rob much of the black community. Not only because the perception many people have of black people, but also because the cycle of living without fathers, without opportunity, surrounded by many other desperate people unable to get by is incredibly hard to break. The income differences for black employees (which I don't know how much or to what extent still exists) has contributed to this. The "free pass" that many white people have received, and continue to receive, for breaking the law or possessing drugs contributes to this. The placement of former slaves and the segregation our country allowed and enforced continues to affect black people today. It is complicated, sad, terrible, and more. And this is why I have a really difficult time writing anything about it.

I continue to wonder what my role is in all of this turmoil. I can only begin to relate to the terror some feel out in public because of who they are. Only recently have I become more aware of my weaknesses and the way that could make me vulnerable to others, which makes me cautious of every single male I pass on my nearby running trail in broad daylight. I despise assuming the worst, but the risk of being caught off guard could be great. How much more for those who live in neighborhoods where this is their reality every day, from school-age on?

After I began homeschooling my children I started to read a lot more about education in general, both in regards to how children learn and the state of our educational system in America. Paul Tough has some great books about this and seeing how home atmosphere affects the ability to learn and succeed is both enlightening and heart breaking. Even worse, the segregation that cast many black people into specific neighborhoods continues to give the children living there now a meager education and high-risk for life in prison.

My soul gets knotted up trying to understand how my homeschooling can benefit kids who have very little opportunity just several states away. How can what I teach at home make a lasting difference? How can I use what I learn to help the children there? How can I even be involved in all of this sitting at my table, typing on my laptop, in perfect peace on my dead end street?

Sadly, I don't have wonderfully packaged, clearly laid out answers for you. I simply have a few insights I hope challenge the way you think and the way you act. Because honestly, if we thought more about the consequences of our actions, much of the travesty in the history of mankind would be drastically different.

A large piece of this puzzle is what we value. In America, we value Freedom, or so we say. Protests, marches, riots, and disregard for others show we really only value a certain kind of freedom. What we mostly mean by saying others are free to protest, is that you are only free to protest things that are right and good. Since most people do not agree on what is right and good, this gets sticky. I don't know all the details of how everything unfolded in Charlottesville, but I will never understand how a statue can mean more than the hearts and safety of others. I don't know enough about General Lee or the history of that statue to know why it was important to many, but I know having a statue that brings shame to others is not worth keeping. And living out here in Oregon, even though I consider myself a conservation Christian, I cannot understand why someone would want to honor a statue that represents to many the hurtful past of slavery and war.

Are you seeing why this is hard for me to write about?

There is one thing that constantly comes to mind in all of this political, social, and emotional chaos: "...count others more significant than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3b)

Jesus considered our eternity more significant than remaining with God. He left his role to take on ours, to take our travesty, our consequences upon himself. As Christians, we are called to the same life. Not to be killed for others necessarily, but to willingly suffer and serve on behalf of others. To value what other people need more than what we think we need. Can we honestly say we do this on a regular basis? You may not think you need to live this way, or maybe you think doing this all the time seems extreme, but I would venture to say our country's long history or serving self is biting us in the butt.

We are selfish, and we strive to make ourselves known. We want others to know exactly how we feel or exactly what we think. I do it too! Look at me, blogging, writing, posting, and expressing myself. I am guilty of the selfish ambition Jesus hates. I need to stop, we all need to stop, and it will benefit our country more than we realize. If every single person in that protest stopped and thought about what was best for their black neighbor, could they have honestly marched on in their fierce determination? If the Nazi's stopped to think about what was best for their Jewish neighbor, would they have continued to serve their country's military?

Sadly, when it comes to kill or be killed, many people opt for saving themselves. Heck, even if it comes to giving 15 minutes for a friend or taking 15 minutes for ourselves, we opt for the route of self. Are you seeing this? How can we expect to change our country for good, to be willing to serve the underprivileged, the cast-out, the condemned or discriminated, if we cannot even serve the people living in our house. How many times a day do we really give up something we think we need in order to give to someone else? I have a hard time giving up a place in line at Target, or a parking spot at the Nike Employee store. We cannot expect to find the willingness to change our world without knowing it will cost us the pursuit of self.

Take some time to think and pray over this. Consider what we take for ourselves and what it costs other people. You cannot expect to serve the greater good of the world and serve yourself as well. At some point, you will have to choose one or the other. I am convicted about how much of my life revolves around choosing myself over my neighbors, my family, and my friends. It shouldn't matter what they believe or what color their skin is. If I value others more than myself, I am revealing what I believe.

I believe God creates each person purposefully, specifically, and with great love.

I believe God wants everyone to know Him personally, deeply, and desires for them to live with Him forever.

Jesus is that way. It's not just what I believe, it's what God said, what He ordained, and what He proved.

If I follow Him, I cannot continue to serve self.

In all of this, I absolutely have to trust God with my care, my needs, my eternity. Anything I give up here on earth in order to give to others will be the silliest sacrifice I could imagine. What we gain by serving Christ is greater. If that does not motivate me to serve, it's because I don't know it, because I don't really believe it to be the truth I claim it is.

So in all of this American angst, what will you serve? An ideal? A political party? A religion? A particular way of life? Or will you serve God? Will you serve the other people in your day to day life? Courage for radical service will only come by knowing the value that service contains. As Christians, we know our value lies in eternity with God, and nothing we can gain in this world is worth losing that. So serve in confidence. Know your sacrifice is not in vain. Each small step will lead you closer to changing the world, but it will only change if you start right now. Don't wait until life gives you the opportunity you think you need. If you have kids, co-workers, family or friends, you have all the opportunity you need. If you see other people ever, you have opportunity to change the world around you for the better.

Take each opportunity and consider those you meet, those you know, those you encounter every day, as more important than your selfish desires. This is the mind of Christ. This is what our world needs.



*If you have friends, family, or connections with people who need tangible help on the front lines of these racial battles, ask them how to help, ask them to put you to work. I'm sure there is more we can all be doing. Serve others, be humble, and just start where you are.

Sunday, Sunday.

I have a real problem "keeping the Sabbath". My Sundays never feel like what I imagine.

This topic has been reappearing in my life a lot lately, so I'm taking some time to consider its importance. Maybe your family does a really good job of keeping the Sabbath, or maybe you've never thought about it too much. Either way, I hope some of my thoughts and struggles here will help you find a way to honor the Lord and find the rest you need.

"Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy." Exodus 20:8

I grew up in the church, as did my husband, so the idea of keeping the Sabbath is not a new one by any means. My husband's grandfather would even go so far as to not eat out, shop at any stores, or use any type of hired service on Sundays. Always considering others as important as himself, it was important that he enable others not to need to work on Sundays. This has always been interesting to me, as my idea of rest usually includes hiring out the work of fixing lunch or maybe dinner. Heaven forbid I plan ahead and crock-pot my way to rest. That's a story for another day.

Over the last year this has come up in conversation quite often and many of the people talking about taking a Sabbath have been pastors or pastor's wives. Most have shared about regularly taking all day Monday or Friday to enjoy family time, go on hikes, or do whatever was good for their family to have a break, spend time together, and enjoy a day without much obligation or formal work. This really intrigued me, but since my husband has a typical Monday through Friday, eight-to-five job, it would never work for us. Their reasoning is that Sunday is always at least half-full of work at church, so they might as well go all-out and expect to "work" that day. After all, it's no easy task to constantly be serving at church and fellowshipping with others afterwards, maybe even running or serving at a Sunday night service.

Our Sundays have looked vastly different depending on what church we were attending. When we were first married, my husband sometimes led worship, but that was really the only capacity our church seemed to need us. The young adults group met Sunday evenings, but it was a very casual time of teaching and prayer, and since we didn't have kids and many of our best friends went too, it was refreshing and easy to go.

At our next church, again Mark led worship, but he was a more integral part of it. I was on our women's ministry team and helped with different events and bible studies (which almost never required anything from me on Sundays at all). Our church didn't usually have any evening services, so once church was out on Sundays, it really was a day of rest for us. We also only had the two boys at that time, and they were pretty easy kiddos.

With only a short stint at the church between then and now, those are my only experiences with Sundays in church as an adult. Our church now is fairly small. We committed with our dear friends in the revitalization of an old church and have been tremendously blessed by our last three-plus years there. But I have really struggled to figure out how to fit in a day of real rest as a family.

I only recently quit working in the nursery, have been a faithful bible-study participant, and Mark leads worship at least every other week. We have service Sunday morning, and a prayer service on Sunday nights, however, we rarely make it to those now that we live a bit further away. Mark has men's group on Monday evenings, and during the school year our bible study meets on Friday mornings. Now this doesn't cramp our schedule or anything, but I'm struggling to find a day of the week where we can truly rest the way God has wired us. Mark is definitely more of an introvert, and with me homeschooling and being with the kids all day, some non-people time is something I genuinely need to do more often.

On top of all this, I will only briefly mention the life-zapping effect my daughter has had on me. Her physical and emotional neediness the first few years of her life were far more draining than all of life with both of my boys. I feel like I am still recovering from the last four years with her. Don't get me started on what it's like to drop her off in the nursery each week.

So how does a family who serves in church, but has a typical, secular work-schedule, and who has children who are homeschooled and participate in sports, take a day an entire day of rest together?

After reading/listening to Glynnis Whitwer's book Doing Busy Better and listening to her session at SheSpeaks this year, I was curious to see if I could really not work on Sunday and still find the joyful revival in my soul that often alludes me. Do I trust God enough to make my service on Sundays feel life-giving and not like a burden? Do I trust Him to help me get all my work done in six days, and only do what rejuvenates and is life-giving on Sunday? Will all of this really make a lasting difference in my life and the life of my family?

Realistically, this feels like a lot to expect. I mean, there are kids who need help, meals that need made, and some type of cleaning is pretty much always involved. Then I have to factor in the fact that going to church usually involves some sacrifice, either because of service-roles or because it's not always easy to show up with a room full of diverse people and hold conversation while you wait to hear the Word of God. Yes, many conversations are life-giving, but sometimes they feel more like work. And often, kids are interrupting, needing help, or just plain driving you crazy.

So what am I doing with all of this? Well, taking a Sabbath on any other day of the week simply doesn't work for us. So on Sunday, I am trying really hard to wake up with a different mindset. It's not a day to simply do nothing, and expect to not be needed. It's a day to accept God's calling on my life, to accept the role I am playing with a joyful heart. As one who struggles with needing to actively pursue something in order to feel joy, I am trying to simply enjoy the down-time and not sneak in "work" throughout the day.

At our Sunday Service, this looks like being willing to hold conversations with people who seem uninterested, or are new, trusting that participating in God's work will bring about blessing and life. In the afternoons, this means not constantly checking on posts on social media, or responding to emails, knowing that what others expect of me has no genuine bearing on my soul. It means not reading books to catch up with my work, and only reading what I know will leave me refreshed and encouraged. It means if we watch a movie, I am snuggling the kids (or my husband!) instead of half-paying attention and scrolling through Facebook, completely confident of the benefits of being fully present in these important relationships.

Overall, I am working on making our Sundays life-giving, where I can observe God's goodness, and forget my own expectations of what makes a "good day". Every day is a good day to praise Him, and I need to be able to praise Him and honor Him by taking up the rest He calls me to. We need lasting rejuvenation, not just finding fulfillment in temporary accomplishments, having our life in order, or feeling like our service is noticed. We need more than to feel like all our ducks are in a row, or that we are particularly special, or even that our future circumstances are planned out and perfect. We need our security, our worth, our reward, and our joy to come from trusting in God for eternal goodness, provision, and favor.

Taking a quality Sabbath is a wonderful way to move our minds into experiencing what we know we should feel. God can take care of everything, even when we take a day off. And I am already seeing how trusting Him with those few hours on Sunday really impacts the rest of my week. My work feels lighter and less dependent on my ability. My striving feels fun and doesn't change the value of my personhood. My goals seem to find a way to line up better with His plans for me and I am struggling less with trying to "figure out my life" when frustrating situations arise.

You might not be able to take a "real" Sabbath like you wish, but you can change your posture toward your selective day of rest, and I really hope you do. We all need to find better ways to rest in Him. Sometimes that comes from the heart first, and sometimes from our body. But either way, I know that taking steps to trust God more will bear everlasting fruit. No matter what area of your life you are trusting Him with, He is more than capable of taking your load and giving you peace and fulfillment instead.

Ordinary Days.

Homeschooling is filled with ever so many uneventful days. This is often a great blessing, but can also cause some of us moms to daydream about grand days, bustling with success and fulfillment. With this in mind, I'll give you the rundown of a "normal" day for me. This is not a day filled with impossible obstacles, nor a day filled with numerous monotonous chores. This day is like many others; ordinary.



Morning:

My husband usually gets up a little before me, and does a large part of the breakfast routine, depending on which kids got up first. He makes coffee while helping the kids get cereal, toast, juice and yogurt. I usually help a little too, making smoothies for any who is in the mood, but mostly for myself.

After breakfast, the kids are supposed to go get dressed and brush teeth. This usually involves lots of thumping, laughing, arguing, and several demands from the littlest one. On this morning, we decide to hit up the library and coffee shop before we go to the store. The boys each take 15 minutes to do some Khan Academy while I read my bible and try to down my smoothie.

Once we've gotten dressed, gathered books, tied shoes and packed a snack, we pile into the car and try to find a parking space near the library. Our favorite coffee shop is only a block from the Library and on a Tuesday morning, parking is not usually the stressful endeavor parking in Portland tends to be. We walk down to the library to discover they aren't open! Why do I always forget they open so late? Off to the coffee shop to kill 20 minutes. The kids find a deck of cards and "play poker" while I order drinks. Lots of white chocolate and whipped cream went on, which all but one child thoroughly enjoyed :)

Back down to the library. The kids race down the block & shout back "It's closed!". What? That's weird, it's 10:03am. I look at the door, realize it's only Tuesday, and the library doesn't actually open until noon today. Oh well. Plot twist. Off we go to Target!

Dollar section, paper section, kitchen section, and groceries. Despite me saying no a few times about looking at toys, the kids do fairly well. Whew! Back in the parking lot, I finally make my six-year-old hang onto the cart because he is consistently, completely unable to stay within 15 feet of me while walking to the car, or really anywhere we go. I can't say I really enjoy saying "Cole, come closer to me please!", and I can't say it has actually changed his behavior. Oh well, no energy to deal with that for the moment.

We use the 20 min drive home to torture ourselves. The two-year-old has a new wand, which makes magical sounds. The six-year-old has a new balloon thing, shaped like a Ninja Turtle head, which he blows up and enters his world of pretend. His imagination is all narrated at a lovely volume, with lots of karate type of sounds. The seven-year-old wants to blast Owl City. After letting all of this be, and convincing people to keep to themselves, I just drive, wide-eyed, and do my best to not think about the chaos.

Afternoon:

Unload groceries, make lunch, read while I diffuse arguments and discontentments at the table. Soon, I put Jovi down for a nap. Despite being a terrible sleeper for most of her life, she actually goes down for naps and bedtime pretty easily; the problem is staying asleep.
We hop right into reading for Cole, spelling for Asher and then some read aloud time reading from our History book. The goal is always to get in some schooling and some down-time for me before Jovi wakes up. Today's workload is pretty light, and thanks to Khan Academy, I can work on reading with one child while the other does math mostly independently. Yesterday we had almost three hours to do all this! Such a blessing. Today, a little more than one hour will have to do. And, as usual, Thumbelina is requested right when I ask my girl how she slept. I don't feel like dealing with tears, yelling, two-year-old despair, and the like, so we concede and laugh at the high level of cheesy-love involved in this movie.

Honestly, I have no idea what happens between 4pm-5pm most days. I think I typically either catch up on emails, scroll Instagram, read articles, or stare off into space and wonder if life will always feel so ordinary but so difficult. The kids go outside for a bit, get muddy, then find ways to get into arguments around the house every 15 minutes.

Evening:

Around 5-ish, I start making dinner. Usually I can get the kids to read (while earning stars for TV time), color or entertain Jovi in her room. My husband, Mark, is usually home just before 6pm and we try to enjoy this time together. We talk with the kids, catch up on each other's days, talk about future plans, manage the chaos level at the table (again) and just generally try to keep our spirits and energy high for a few more hours.

After dinner, the boys often get to play soccer on the Play Station 3 with Mark, or some nights, they play together while Mark manages the kitchen for me. Jovi will often go downstairs to visit and read books or play games with Mark's parents (they have their own living space in the basement level). I either do dishes, sneak off to read a book, or contemplate the purpose of my existence on a couch. Most the time, I ignore the children and read a book, like every mom needs to do every once in a while. I just do this a little too often. I mean, I aspire to be a "real" writer someday, so it's more like homework, right?

Once the kiddos are in bed around 8pm, my husband and I chit chat, watch a movie, or do work-related things. Tonight, he works on an app for a company he's involved with on the side, and I work on fulfilling a small jewelry order. I decide to put on an audio training or two from Compel and listen while I work (and my husband endures or ignores this all rather well while he works). It's easy to get distracted or inspired, so I make a few other necklaces too. I want to go to the gym early tomorrow, so I finish up and turn in at about 10pm.

I'm learning to dread these simple days less. There is still room to impact the world on these uneventful days, inexplicably filled with chaos. We are made up of a million experiences, and the impact my joy will have on my children is more than I can ever fathom. From all of this, what I really want you to know is you are not alone. Millions of people are living life, enduring boring days, then doing it again tomorrow. Our days can be mind-numbing, exhausting, boring, enlightening, filled with grief, or filled with joy, and God uses them all. It's impossible to know what they are all for or how they can possibly be used to produce holy fruit, but each one gives you the opportunity to see something beautiful. If you can find that beauty, pass it onto your kids, and show them who has made it beautiful, this is something to be treasured! Don't pass it up.

When you feel like your life is too boring, too uneventful, or too normal to really impact God's kingdom, turn to God for peace and assurance. Our place before Him is not determined by how lively or important our days seem. There is an entire realm of activity we cannot see, a universe of spiritual warfare we cannot understand, and Satan would love for us to feel meaningless, useless, or too simple to be important. But those are all lies. Your persistent faith in service will do more good in that war than a one-time, awe-inducing, flash-in-the-pan type of adventure. Keep going, keep pursuing Him, and show your children you will never stop trusting God's faithfulness in your beautiful, but possibly monotonous, life

Romans 8 always gives me confidence in God. Read it, and let this give you courage and joy. He desires to give joy and hope in what He has already provided, and what He will provide for us in eternity. It will be worth it!

Romans 8:31-39 says:

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His won Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:

'For your sake we are killed all day long;

We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.'

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

All the events going on in these verses seem grand, powerful, and important, but they apply to us "regular moms" too. Don't let anyone tell you a simple, boring, ordinary life is less worthwhile, less impactful, or less important. Keeping your hope in God's love for you while living in constant exhaustion-inducing monotony is a challenge worth rising up to. Be willing to do anything, to go anywhere, to sacrifice anything, or pursue anything in the name of Christ, but don't be ashamed if that calling is serving the smallest member of your household. As Jesus says in Matthew 35, "Assuredly, I say unto you, in as much as you did it to one of the least of these, my brethren, you did it to me." This will have a reward you will not want to miss! Chin up.

Homeschooling When Service is Not Your Gift

It's no secret; service is not my greatest strength. It doesn't matter what setting I am in, it almost never crosses my mind to jump up and serve. I can be at a pot-luck, with kids at a social event, or with family at a party and everyone else around me may be helping in some way while I am sitting around chit-chatting. During the first several years of our marriage, I cannot tell you how many times I went to a family event and, after the meal, I would be the only woman in the room not washing dishes, or clearing plates, or helping children. My husband's family is well-gifted (and practiced) in service, and also in manners, so it took me a while to notice this weakness of mine.

I can't recall anyone ever telling me I was bad at serving. When I am serving, I do it well, and try not to complain, but I am not naturally drawn to most forms of service. On every single strengths survey I have ever taken, service has come up as my lowest scoring trait. Always! Teaching is usually somewhere near the top, which lends itself well to homeschooling. Knowledge, or rather, the desire to learn, and ambition, are often some of my top strengths as well. While these are wonderful traits to have when you desire to educate your children at home and have high hopes of changing the world, service is absolutely necessary too. In fact, if you cannot serve joyfully and continually, this homeschooling gig will be a struggle. And too often I despair in the weight of this struggle.

There are so many parts of homeschooling I love. Seeing my children learn to read, being with them as their minds understand a difficult or new math concept, guiding them to make connections between historical people and places they have seen on a map - these are all experiences I would hate to miss. Watching them grow in their knowledge is exciting, invigorating, and confirmation of this path we are walking. However, offering my time endlessly, while doing dishes, and helping my children learn manners, and social etiquette, while also taking them to the library, the rock museum, the park and more, might be a task better suited for those who love to serve.

Does this mean I should give up? Resign to put them in a more formal school setting? I don't think so, not yet at least.

To accomplish these tasks I will have to learn, practice, and ask for help with the skill of service. The Lord has been so gracious in helping me endure for this long, but I can feel myself starting to crumble under the pressure. All these service-related tasks in my day feel like heavy obligations. When other tasks begin to appear during my week, like nursery duty, a big project, or hosting people in my home, I feel the quick tingle of adrenaline hit my heart and try to take deep breaths.

To many people, these tasks are simply expected, a normal part of life. But for me, they feel like an eternity of doing things I am terrible at, or running a marathon when I can barely jog an entire mile. Before I begin my enormous list of service-related tasks, I am already despairing, looking to when I might be able to find a free half-hour to read. When I arrive at my free half-hour, I am tired, exhausted, and then despair over how short half an hour is. This is when I curl up on the couch and tire myself out by thinking endlessly about what I can possibly do to rid myself of serving so much.

If you are gifted in service, this might seem pretty comical. I assure you I am only being slightly dramatic. In one sense, I cannot help what my brain naturally does with all of these challenging tasks. It just goes, and goes, and continues going down that path of weariness and dread for a long time. But, I can make valiant efforts to keep my brain from traveling too far down that road.

The simplest trick I use to help me jump into a service-related task is to start without thinking too much. When I jump off the couch and announce "Cole, time for spelling!" and simply get to it, I am more quickly rewarded with being finished (duh, right?)! Plus, I've reached a rewarding milestone for where my strengths lie; accomplishing an important task. I get to cross spelling off my well-planned homeschool calendar, and I don't have to think about it anymore. The "undone" doesn't haunt me the rest of the day. Yes, I still spent a chunk of time and energy serving, but I also got to taste the rewarding fruit from it.

I can see God working on me in this area of being able to serve without hating life by helping give me some wisdom in how my curriculum choices affect our days. You already know I am a control-freak, but I'm finally becoming willing to give some things up. For instance, Math. No, I am not giving up the subject entirely, but I am beginning to let Khan Academy teach for me in order to preserve my serving time for other tasks in need of my effort. I would prefer to be hyper-involved in leading the kids in their math progress, but that is becoming an expensive trade-off. With the time and effort Saxon requires, I consistently have less patience and less time to read books, take walks, or create art with all three kiddos. I have less time overall to manage my home, and less flexibility to leave my home when math is still calling. I will admit, I am a little nervous the boys might "miss something" when I am not the person leading every skill introduction, but I am attempting to trust God, trust the process, and give up some control for a better home life.

Homeschooling is definitely primarily a service-oriented job. I need to come to terms with this. Despite my reluctancy, this year I can see myself slowly growing in this area. I have no problem with the other aspects of homeschooling more suited to my gifting and this gives me some hope. I can research curriculum and plan our entire year, then come away feeling ready for that marathon. I can talk to person after person, sharing all the ins and outs of classical education, Charlotte Mason, beautiful books, and wonderful adventures, leaving each conversation ready to engage in another. Sharing and learning fuel me for life! Understanding the importance of service, and letting that deeply impact me in a way that leads to revitalization in my soul, eh, that is hard work. Work I cannot do by myself. Work I desperately need God to do in my heart.

Giving up my preferences is the first step in letting God direct my heart toward service. I have to look at our home life and let that guide my curriculum choices a little more. I need to look at my kids' emotional responses to my frustration and let that motivate me to be patient and kind. I'm not exactly sure what else I need to do, but mostly, I need to be open to change. Both change in our daily life and God changing my heart and mind. Change is always hard, but it is also one of the few things guaranteed in our daily life. Circumstances, prices, jobs, cars, friends, health, houses; everything will change at some point.

Changing often feels a bit like admitting I was wrong. Like if I change my curriculum, I am saying "Oops, I guess I shouldn't have done that!" but this is not true. It's okay to change, to see the benefit of learning from what you were doing and then to be excited for what you will be doing. It is better to change with cheerful expectancy than glum remorse. It's also okay to spend the majority of your day serving, doing menial tasks, and possibly feeling like your accomplishments are small. Small does not mean unimportant, and important is made up of many small things, no matter what field, industry, or task you are involved in.

Homeschooling against and despite your weaknesses is a sharpening, challenging task. But it isn't impossible. And you will see fruit in it. If you are feeling discouraged, find the root. See that challenge or problem for what it is worth and look honestly at what is does to your family. Making homeschooling less discouraging will probably mean some type of change; in your heart, in your obligations, in your curriculum, in some way. And if you make that change out of love and sincerity, it will bless everyone involved. Even if you are not incredibly excited about said change, but go into it looking for the goodness it will bring, you will be blessed and grateful for it too.

If nothing else, when you feel discouraged about how hard serving your family feels, know I am right there with you! And then email me, or text me, and remind me we won't feel this way forever.