What Do You Expect?

I've been ruminating over this concept quite a bit the last few months. And while I am by no means an expert on expectations, I hope my thinking (read: obsessing) will help you think (and not obsess) through your own expectations.

My friend Mary and I are often reminding ourselves of this: lower your expectations! Not in a negative, lazy way, but in a "life does not go as you planned" sort of way. You know, like after a long day at our homeschool group, thinking I'm going to cook a meal that takes one hour to prep, another hour to make, and 37 steps, timed just right. Nope, not going to happen. I'm far better off if I lower those expectations a bit and find contentment in ordering a Papa Murphy's Pizza.

This isn't to say there aren't times to raise the bar. When we read history lessons or the bible to our kids, we have the highest of expectations for them to listen well and hold a conversation with us about what was interesting, what they didn't like, or what questions they might have. A very admirable woman I know, who is greatly humble and insanely brave, says we should set the bar high for our children and then give them high grace. Expect our children to achieve great things, but allow them to fail without condemnation.

What I really mean by all of this is expectations can be tricky. You want to expect wonderful things, to really hope God will do something amazing each day, but at the same time, we have to expect that many of our days will not go according to plan. This means we need to be most honest, and most earnest when looking at our expectations, our plans, and our hopes. Being real about your disappointments and seeing your day as God sees it is a humble yet lovely way to begin to find peace in days gone wrong. They are still days worth living. I'll give you an example.

Maybe you've been waiting for an update on my time at SheSpeaks? Lucky you, you'll get a concise (don't mistake concise for short) version along with photos, and you'll even get to learn from my own experience about days gone wrong. Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal, but on day two I was frustrated beyond words, beyond tears, beyond any prayer I could muster.

Travel day was ideal, pretty much perfect. I started reading this amazing book, got to see my lovely roommates for the first time in a year, and had amazing conversation long into the night. My friend Jennifer opened her soul and her pain to me with such grace and willingness... when she writes her book, you HAVE to read it.

The entire day was filled with the Holy Spirit moving, great insights I needed to hear, wonderful fellowship, and lots of catching up with people I met from last year. 

Amy Seiffert and I met last year and connected really well. I always love what she has to share!

I started getting ready for bed when the power went out. For real, the power in the hotel and a ten mile radius was out for most of the night. Thankfully our hotel had fabulous generators that kept hallways lit and one elevator running until the power came back on around 4am. I know it was about that time, because I had already been up half the night. 

This is the second time I've experienced what I believe to be extreme anxiety in my body that my heart and mind could not overcome. I prayed, I worshipped, I cried, I went to the bathroom, I couldn't lay down, but I was dying to rest. My stomach was in knots and I felt sick beyond belief. In my mind I was not nervous for the second day and felt a real peace that God was doing His work. My first publisher appointment had gone wonderfully and I was thrilled for my sessions lined up on day two. But for some reason, God has allowed my body to do this crazy thing where I don't sleep, feel like I'm dying of stomach pains and nausea, and have major responsibilities I absolutely need to deal with early the next day. It's pretty much as awesome as it sounds. 

Somehow, I was able to get up, get mostly ready, and head to the first morning session. I missed a lot of it, but I was determined to not let these opportunities pass me by. I was emotional, weak, nauseous, and did my best not to cry whenever someone asked if I was okay. Apparently, sleeping only three hours and feeling sick most of the night takes its toll on your face. I felt so lousy tears just kept spilling with every conversation, and I have no idea how I made it through the day. Friends were so gracious, so helpful, and I even had strangers come and pray for me. Truly, the best place to be sick is with other Christian women. 

I forgot to take many pictures that second day, but there were still so many highlights and wonderful things that happened; I cannot explain it all. Being in Nicki Koziarz' session and having a meaningful conversation with her might have been my favorite part of the day. Listening to Liz Curtis Higgs speak was the most entertaining, beautiful way to cap off the weekend. And getting to meet another mom who does Classical Conversations with her kiddos was the icing on the cake that took me two hours to eat (because I talk so much, in case you were wondering). 

Liz Curtis Higgs on the final night and my new friend, and fellow CC mom, Aimee Smith.

I have been blessed by this opportunity, and if you are feeling the push to make your writing or speaking endeavors a priority, I would not hesitate to tell you to get your rear here next year! The friendships, the prayer, the learning, and the personal guidance are unlike anything I've ever been involved in. Also, from all these pictures I realize I have really terrible posture. Yikes! 

So again, what does this have to do with expectations? I went to SheSpeaks planning to learn, hoping to have great publisher appointments, and expecting to get advice. I hoped to connect with old friends and make new, and maybe get to talk with some women further along the road than me. And while half of my time there was under totally different circumstances than I planned, God still provided for me all the things I hoped to encounter. 

We have to let go of our precise expectations and look for the greater work God is doing in us. Instead of hoping for particular circumstances, let's set our hope upon God moving in our lives and sanctifying us through any means necessary. Are we willing to endure what He deems good for us? Are we willing to let go of our expectations for a "good life" or a "perfect day" and enjoy what we can, while learning from anything that falls under the "less than pleasant" category? 

I definitely struggle with this in my day-to-day life at home with my kids, but when I experience the goodness that comes from moving forward in hardship, I am more dedicated to moving forward through the monotony at home. And that is when I finally begin to value the interruptions that seem random, or needless during my day. I expect detours because I expect God to work. And He shows up every day, whether I notice or not. I don't know about you, but I want to notice as much of God as possible.

So what will you expect? And what will you notice? I am thankful God continues to move in and around me, despite my unwillingness and grumpy attitude. I hope you see God working in your life and can value the circumstances that lead you to Him, pleasant or not. I know it's a challenge, but I also know it is worth every ounce of effort you are willing to give. May we see Him in it all!

Leaving On a Jet Plane.

It's that time of year again! Time for me to hop on a plane, endure a LONG flight, and be blessed beyond what I can imagine. Seriously, it's that great.

SheSpeaks is a Christian women's Writing and Speaking conference, and the team at Proverbs 31 Ministries really goes all out on our behalf. Meals are amazing, the setting is gorgeous, and content is motivating, bible-based, and ever-so-practical. There are loads of books for sale, even more lovely women who have the same burning passion to share God's compelling truth with others, and an enormous amount of great conversation.

Last year I met handfuls of women I loved, and thankfully, I have kept in touch with many of them! It's been incredibly fruitful to be connected with these Christian Writers and Speakers. They bless me through their persistence, their failings, their advice, and their friendship. You know who you are ladies :)

This year, I decided to take the Writer's Track and meet with a couple publishers. I have been working half-heartedly on several book ideas, and I figured having a set appointment with a professional would gently force me to get going on them. It worked, that's for sure! So Friday evening and Saturday evening I get to meet with two different leading women in the publishing industry. I feel well prepared, but I also know this is simply dipping my toes into this world. I cannot wait to glean from them, hear their opinion of my ideas, and make even more progress with my writing and sharing.

In most settings like this, it's rare for someone to walk away with a book deal solidified. Instead, many walk away with contacts in the industry and a plan for refining, pitching your idea again later, and the only real promise you may get is for LOTS of work ahead. But honestly, I am up for that! I am here to learn, not to land a book deal. I am flying across the country to fellowship and grow, not for the sake of my own name or career, but for God's glory, for His plan. And while all these things will hopefully culminate to my book coming to life someday, what I really want is to be used by God so that others know Him better. This is the phrase I am going to repeat to myself over and over when I get nervous, when I over-analyze my outfits, and as I do my makeup. All the surface stuff, all the "results" from my time, are in God's worthy, capable hands, and I can most definitely trust Him to do something wonderful, no matter what it looks like to me.

If you don't follow me on Instagram yet, I want to give you a heads up: I started a more formal account that will pertain to just my writing, blogging, and speaking. There will be weekly encouragement, and at least monthly giveaways! Right now, I am giving away the book Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. Go find me @joellenlarmstrong and enter right away. The drawing is tomorrow - yay!

I hope this week is life-giving for you, no matter where your responsibilities take you. I can't wait to share more with you this year, and be sure to come back next week for an update on my time at SheSpeaks. Here are just a couple pics from last year - such good memories!

Flying solo! Also, PDX carpet rules.

I was SO nervous. My only coping mechanisms were deep breaths, prayers, and selfies.

It was awesome to sit up front and listen to Lysa share tips to getting your best idea for a book out of your soul and onto paper.

They had such a lovely set-up for getting photos taken!

All the ladies from the Suite 314 Speaking Group.

And last, but not least, both ladies names Sarah May were in one of my first sessions... sitting one row apart. God is so funny like that. They are both wonderful! 

What a Weekend!

SheSpeaks.

I miss all my new friends so much already. It’s unbelievable what a bond I feel with those women. 

Usually after very social events I get a little weird. I actually thought a lot about it before I came here, expecting that I would need to figure out how to cope. I also pre-decided (a Lysa T. term) that I would write about exactly what I felt and try to put it into words as it was happening. But you know what? God’s peace is so heavy upon me. I could cry just sitting right here in the Charlotte Airport. 

Maybe I’ll feel weird tomorrow, but today I feel more alive that I have in quite some time. No uncertainty about what the other women thought of me. No fear that I said the wrong things or did something offensive. No worry over how I am going to implement all the truth I soaked up this weekend. This is how I should live all the time. 

This morning I was wide awake at 4:30am. It’s not the time difference, since it was actually only 1:30am in Portland, but I was really anxious again. My stomach hurt and I tried desperately to sleep it off. To no avail, I twisted and turned while my stomach twisted and churned until about 5:30am when I finally decided to get on with my day. After hearing my new friend Lee Anne give her devotional yesterday, I decided to take her advice about how to fight worry. 

1- Praise God.

I won’t tell you all of her steps yet, as it is her story, her insight. But this first step was perfect. Actively telling God how grateful I was, how He is good no matter what I am worried about, that He knows where I will be in 30 days, that He is in total control, and that He loves me. 

Then, I downloaded the First 5 app from Proverbs 31 ministries and watched the video for today. 

Holy freaking moly. 

I met those ladies the last two days! Whitney and Leah… I got to listen to their wisdom in person! When I got a chance each day, I tracked them down and told them thank you. They were so sweet, so gracious, and almost shocked to see that God’s working through them was working in me. I feel like they are my friends already and I was so glad to glean even more of their biblical wisdom and insight again this morning. 

I may still feel weird later today, but I’m not worried about if that happens. I’m SO looking forward to seeing my sister soon & exploring Boston for the first time. I am so undeserving of these good gifts, of this incredible peace. God has blown me away once again, more that ever and I am going to revel in it for as long as I can.

SheSpeaks.

It's almost here!

On Thursday I'm flying solo across the country to attend a Speaking & Writing conference! Ummm, that's a little crazy, considering how much of an amateur I am, or at least feel like I am. I haven't really been nervous yet, but over the weekend my mom was asking me more questions about it and the gravity of this expedition is sinking in. Lately I've actually been more nervous thinking about all the clothes I need to pack and figuring out if all my outfits (highly planned and coordinated) will actually fit in a carry-on. But overall, I feel really calm compared to my usual self.

I can't tell if I am just incredibly relaxed and happily content, or if I am totally deceiving myself and will be a basket-case in a couple days. I am definitely excited, a tiny bit nervous, and trying to figure out what books and notebooks I should bring. I'm also preparing a five-minute devotional I will give with a small group of women I've already met via email. God totally provided an interesting topic through so many different avenues there was no possible way for me to ignore it. Don't worry, I'll write it all up to post on the blog soon, possibly mid-flight.

I've been blessed by how many of my friends and family have expressed their excitement for me. Some of them seem more excited than I am! I've spent a lot of my time bouncing between two drastically different hypothetical situations. I keep feeling scared that the women there might be shallow, speaking only in cliches and vague ideas about being a "good Christian" or fearing that all of them will be light-years beyond me in knowledge, experience and ability, causing me to feel like this was a giant waste of time and money. I'm sure it will be somewhere between those two different imaginary happenings and I look forward to all the thinking, observing, and then attempting to put everything in my head into real, comprehendible language.

I have no idea what I will come away with, but I am especially excited for the session about presenting yourself as a professional speaker, and for the special lunch session for Compel members with Lysa Terkeurst. There are also some other homeschool moms I am hoping to meet up with the first morning - I'm praying at least a couple of them will be women I can connect with more long-term.

Overall, I'm most nervous about who I will sit with and the possibility of people not talking to me. I definitely feel more extroverted when I am without my children, so I am guessing neither of those things will be a major problem. Even if I sit alone a good portion of the time, I'm sure I will still be gleaning so much from all the speakers that I won't have time to dwell on it. And really, maybe it's silly to be nervous about such a minor thing, but it's a deep insecurity I have, and something I am trying to overcome by trusting in God's goodness and love for me.

How can you pray for me? Oh, thanks for asking ;) Pray for my husband home alone with the kids! Then, pray I feel God's presence there. I truly want to know Him more and get better at sharing His love and power to those around me. If that means pursuing writing and speaking more purposefully, then I want to go for it! But if I need to keep working diligently at becoming a better writer here on my blog and only pursuing the speaking stuff here-and-there as opportunities arrive, then I want to be content with that too. Either way, I want to get better at being purposeful with my time and intentional with my words, whether they are spoken or written, here on my blog, or in my text conversations, or in person with loved ones day-to-day.

Thanks for all your encouragement and excitement for this week of my life! I will write again soon and fill you in on all our house stuff too. Praying you see God's love and care in your life today.