Last Giveaway of the Year!

You guys, we are at the end of 2016! Can you believe it? I am still trying to figure out how this happened. A whole year has come and gone since I decided to blog here regularly and I feel like I am living in a different world than the one I inhabited last January. A lot has changed, and not just my circumstances (though some are very much the same), but I have changed too.

Today, I do not have a warm, inviting, Christmas or Holiday post for you. I'm much too off in the head for something as typical as that. Instead, I'm going to share some tid-bits about the fabulous bible I am giving away and save the Christmas shenanigans for another day. This post is made possible by The Blythe Daniel Agency and BlogAbout, and there are some affiliate links tucked in here too.

I used to own a really cute, pale-pink bible when I was a young girl. Later, it was upgraded by my parents to a thick, black bible with my name in gold letters printed onto the front. I still remember waiting at the book store with my dad while it was done. That black bible was my "go-to" for a long time, up until I was married and beyond actually. Pages are crumpled, highlighted, coffee-stained, and falling out from the spine. I now own a lovely red bible with a gorgeous floral print on the cover. It's a standard ESV bible, without any study-notes or space, and a concordance at the back that leaves me wanting. All this to say, I was very excited at the opportunity BlogAbout gave me to review this lovely NKJV Journal the Word Bible.

I ended up buying an ESV Study bible about the same time my Journal the Word bible came, and that made starting our church's bible study that much better! It was perfect having several different bibles and using blueletterbible.org as a reference to understand the Greek Paul originally used when writing to Titus.

First off, the beginning of this bible has several pages of explanations - the purpose of the King James scholars,  format of the bible, the old and new testaments texts, stuff like that. Then, it jumps right into the actual bible - just the bible, with lots of room on the side for notes. My bible is large text, which made making notes even easier. There are lines in the margins so it's easy to make your notes clean and orderly (as long as you have a steady hand - gulp). At the very end of the bible, there are several lined pages for notes, and that's it! So simple!

Here are a few pictures of what I've written in my bible from my time studying Titus.

I just love seeing those margins start to get filled in and words highlighted in vibrant colors!

Taking the time to look at what these words are in Greek was so helpful for increasing my understanding of what Paul truly meant when he was writing to Titus. It was pretty mind-blowing, actually. 

The outside of this particular version has a black, hard-cover, is large-print, and comes with a built-in, ribbon bookmark. It also has an elastic band that wraps from the back cover and loops over the front, to keep your bible in the best shape possible. That might be my favorite part besides the large margins. Don't you think it's super handy? Well, if you don't think so now, you will if you win this bible and start using it!

So how can you win this? I'm so glad you asked :) It's super easy. Click below to see what options you have and share, share, share!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Did you enter? I hope so. I will draw a winner on Saturday and hopefully one of you will have a great opportunity to study the bible more deeply with this beautiful version and be able to keep track of the things you are learning from God's written, Holy word.

As for my commitment to write weekly, I'm not sure if I will continue this year. I thoroughly enjoy writing, I love to speak, and I cannot help sharing what I learn, but I am finding myself torn between so many endeavors lately. I have a few book projects I'm working on, schooling my children is not only close to a full-time job, but it is mentally exhausting, and I recently started sharing my love of Essential Oils intentionally, running a business with one of my little sisters. There are many more endeavors I wish I could pursue and it's hard to constantly sift through all of them, but I do want this space to be a help, and place of encouragement, and a blog that leads people to knowing God more deeply. I want all my readers to live with courage, pursuing the things the Holy Spirit leads them into, and I'm just too unsure of what that will look like for me this year to commit to anything specific in regards to the blogging frequency I hope to maintain. Besides all of this, we FINALLY bought a house and will be moving at the end of January (I love packing and unpacking, and I am going to say that a hundred times to try and make it true). Don't worry, I will give you a nice update on all of that soon enough.

Anyway, all this to stay, I hope you keep coming back here, and I hope I can inspire you to live for God in whatever your hands find to do. I will do my best to keep you updated on all our family's shenanigans, and we'll see who our lucky winner is this Saturday! Enjoy the end of 2016, and tell me what your favorite resolution this year will be. Good luck!

Broken Winner!

Thank you to The Blythe Daniel Agency, BlogAbout, and Zondervan for making another awesome giveaway possible!

It seems a little contrary to win something about being broken. I mean, it's not fun to admit you're broken, much less being willing or even excited to work through that brokenness. But actually, our random winner is someone I know and love, someone who works hard not to hide her brokenness from me...

Congratulations Darlene Fleary!! You won a copy of Ann's The Broken Way DVD and Study Guide! I know you'll love it.

For all you other eager-beavers, I have another giveaway next week that I'm a little behind on. It's the NKJV Journal the Word Bible. It's huge, and large print, but perfect for studying God's work carefully and taking notes as you go. Stay tuned for that.

I will try to post a little update next week between my giveaway and winner post - my kids will be with Grandma and Grandpa for a bit, so I'll have some time to study, write, and even think in peace and quiet. Hallelujah, right?! Thanks again for sticking with me during this season of busyness and often silence. I hope it won't always be this way, but I am striving to be willing to live well in whatever season I find myself - broken, busy, failing, barely scraping by, thriving, whatever! Maybe not today, maybe not next year or even next week, but someday I'll live like that forever. What a relief!

Another Broken Day, Another Broken Giveaway.

Life often feels broken, especially in this age where we can see tragedy unfolding across the world via the news and social media. It's easy to find heart-wrenching stories, to watch people suffering unimaginable circumstances, and witness death all from the comfort of our homes. What do we do with that? How can we go about our lives, participating where we are able, and yet still function for the sake of our family?

Obviously, there are no clean-cut answers to these questions. We can detach, we can become consumed in good endeavors, and we can pray, but none of these ways of coping really give us much guidance as to what we can do right this minute to help ease the ache inside and make sense of it all. This is why I loved Ann's book so much. She doesn't give quick, simple answers to the overwhelming amount of pain suffered about the globe, but she doesn't ignore it either.

Ann Voskamp's book The Broken Way really exposes the life-long scars that brokenness brings. She also shares the life-long hope we have in relationship with God, and how He can use all our brokenness to bring about joy and communion we might not experience without having been broken first. It's a scary thing to lay your brokenness before others, and it can often lead to more heartache than feels worthwhile, but Ann's courage in sharing her struggle and her experience grows a unique hope and bravery in my own heart, causing me to share my brokenness less reluctantly.

Lucky for you, I have another giveaway, another way for you to dive into understanding how you can look at your brokenness in a way that will bring healing and sweet fellowship to the dark places you try to hide or forget about. I've browsed through the study guide and it is such a fabulous reminder of the goodness we can all receive when we share our heartaches, trauma, tragedy, and despair with those around us. Not only does it tell you of these things, it forces you to stop and think about your life, the things that feel hard, the ways you either avoid or cope with brokenness that are not healthy or life-giving. Then, it asks you to share them. Maybe not all your broken pieces, but baby steps, right?

Lately, I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. Everything people want from me feels overwhelming and threatens to lead me to tears and into a heap of inability. I know life won't feel this way forever, and I strive to trust God to give me the energy and means to meet all these requests and even demands, but I don't go to bed encouraged most days. However, I'm learning that my discouragement doesn't mean what I'm doing isn't worthwhile, and lack of motivation doesn't mean I'm messing things up. God uses all these struggles to help me know Him better, and the more I share it all with my dear ones, the closer I will be to them as well. Because of all this, and because of my desire to be more purposefully transparent, I am really looking forward to popping in my DVD and hitting this study guide with intention. It'll likely have to wait until after we move (haha, I need to update you guys on the house-situation!) but I hope that some of you will join me!

Next Wednesday, I will pick (or rather, rafflecopter.com will pick) one of you lucky folks to win a Study Guide and DVD for Ann's book The Broken Way. You will definitely need a copy of her book in order to work through this, so if you win and don't have the means to get a book, let me know! Enter here by participating in some or all of these little tasks...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks so much to The Blythe Daniel Agency and Zondervan for providing me and one of my lucky readers with this incredible source of encouragement! I will be back next week with a little update, some encouragement for you, and to announce our lucky winner. You get the most entries for sharing this blog post, so share shamelessly please :)

I love you all so much for sticking with me and reading my blog when I feel at a loss for words. It strengthens me to know that you actually want to hear my thoughts and read my words! Praise be to God for giving me people who encourage, motivate, and support my little endeavors. Enjoy your weekend, be a blessing to others, and be alright with being broken.

Regular Life.

It's been a while, huh?

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't written for a couple weeks. Life has been pretty ordinary, and my feelings are ever changing. One hour I am grateful and feeling undeservedly blessed to be living this life, then the next hour I am miserable, exhausted, complaining, and angry. Call it hormones, call it sin-nature, call it the insanity that stems from being with your kids 24/7, call it whatever you think it is, it's super annoying and becoming an old, frustrating story. 

I was going to say I never feel totally unable to cope, but that's not entirely true. I have my moments, maybe minutes, or even close to an hour every once in a while, but the demands of homeschooling and mothering a toddler force me to wake up & get stuff done, even if that stuff is wiping a bottom or helping another kid with some school-related task. I long to never feel overwhelmed, to never feel exhausted beyond repair, or to never feel crazily angry over the needs rising from those around me, kids or not. However, that longing has not been fulfilled, and I am not sure it ever will.

I have other times where I feel shamelessly awesome. I see my ambition, my creative ideas, my desire to run a successful business, my kids doing well with their learning, and I cannot help but feel pretty stinking incredible. But I know it's not because of me. It's not because of my efforts, or any innate goodness or brilliance I have. All of these good gifts are from the Father of Lights. Still, I don't know how to balance the easy and the difficult, how to endure the down periods without despair and to enjoy the wonderful times without attributing them to my own efforts. 

This struggle between these two extremes gives me constant conversation in my brain, incessantly picking apart everything I'm doing, weighing all the choices I'm making, and almost forcing me to consider each and every tiny step of my day with far too much weight of importance. Some of the thoughts that continue to linger are ...

- my readers will resent me for being ambitious. 

- my friends will fear being real with me, or asking me for help. 

- no one will support my endeavors. 

- my downfalls will look too silly for anyone to want to help me. 

- my desire for success will cause me to pursue something I shouldn't.

- my weaknesses are too awful and I will never overcome them.

- my ambition for excellence will appear as pride.

- maybe people really just don't like me at all.

Maybe these seem silly to you. Maybe you don't know me well enough to see me as someone with these kinds of insecurities. Maybe you think I'm a wimp for being unable to cope with many of these simple fears. Or maybe you can relate. Silly or not, fears take hold and guide our decisions unless we direct them to where they belong. God can defeat our fears and He wants to. All of my fears are about things that might happen, or thoughts unknown to me. Fear exists in the unknown, but God knows all. I'm seeing more clearly that overcoming my fear is rooted in trusting God with every single, tiny little thing.

As I read a devotion with the kids this morning, I read part of Psalm 139 and was reminded again how much God loves me and watches over me. 

"Oh LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

You discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

And are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, 

Behold, Oh LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, before and behind, 

And lay your hand upon me."

The Psalm goes on to talk about God knowing our motives, our life, our complete existence, and how little we understand of it all. This Psalm was written with David, having his own motives, earnestly telling God what he desires but ending with the same intention Jesus had: not my will, but yours. 

In all the wishy-washy ways I am wandering through my life, I hope to always end there, as David did, as Jesus did, and many other saints along the way. I want God's desires to be my desires. I want my desires to be earnest, truthful, coming from a pure heart. I know it's not fun to see my yucky motives and my bad coping mechanisms, but I want a renewed life, a free spirit, and a bold willingness to endure whatever God sees fit. Most of all, I want to do this with a joyful faith. I want to trust God enough to love it, even when I kind of hate it. 

I don't know how to attain this, and actually, I don't think it's possible without God's divine intervention. But the more I meditate on it, the more I focus on God's ability, presence, and absurd love for me, the more I see how it can happen. Then the chaos of kids, changing friendships, and an uncertain future is less scary. I'm more excited to see the next day, and less sad that it might be filled with more of the normal, average, stay-at-home drama. 

I know this doesn't give you a ton of practical use, but hopefully it will still help you strive toward being with God more often and more deeply. I'm not actually amazing, nor I am I complete mess. I am what God is making me, and I am hopeful that it will be better a year from now. And what really brings me courage and joy is knowing 100% that someday, I too will actually be perfect! Sure, it'll be the day I die, but it is also the day I will live perfect in peace, light, and love forever. 

Winner!

Hi again! Thanks so much for participating in my giveaway and sharing my blog with all your Facebook friends. You've made this giveaway my most successful giveaway yet!

Also, I have some more great news... In a couple weeks, I will be giving away a Study Guide and DVD for The Broken Way to another lucky winner. I'm so blessed by BlogAbout for connecting me with so many great sources and wonderful books and allowing me to be generous with them, giving away all sorts of goodness. If anyone is interested in doing a Facebook group with me while I go through the Study Guide, let me know!

Okay, so you are probably itching to see if you are the lucky winner...

Congratulations to... Heather Beissinger!

You will thoroughly enjoy this book. While it can be hard to swallow, and downright impossible to give yourself away over and over again in the face of pain and struggle, you will be reminded of God's truth and His promises toward you.

As I spend more time thinking about what it means to share my brokenness, I am reminded of the first place I should be doing this: my home. My kids see a lot of the ways I am broken, but I don't always allow them to see how my sinful nature breaks me and often causes me to despair. They see the results, and witness the fallout, and I do my best to repent to them when I've sinned against one of them, but I often internalize a lot of the struggle in-between.

This week I was purposeful with texting a friend or two about my struggle, and it was really helpful just to get it out into a safe place. Then I had some frank conversations with my boys about my desire to live better and how discouraging it can be to keep on sinning and keep desiring things I should not desire. Success, prestige, accomplishment, and control all call my name incessantly, and it often feels easier to cave, to pursue those tangible goals and not consider why I am chasing them. But talking about it with my kids, admitting my struggles out loud has really helped me see my own skewed perspective.

It's almost comical how that works. Being honest about myself and my desires to other people helps my mind trust the path I knew was best but was fighting against. Why don't I do it more often? Why do I wait until I've wrestled for two weeks before talking about it? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm becoming more brave about it and I'm witnessing some of the benefits already. I'm less nervous to admit my downfalls to my kids and husband, less scared they will think I'm too sinful to love, less afraid that these sinful parts of me are beyond repair.

God is so gentle toward us. If nothing else, I'm seeing His sweet kindness toward me in deeper ways much more frequently than when I try to wrap my mind around my struggles all on my own.

How about you? What broken parts are you hiding, working through, or trying not to admit? What will you do about it?

I hope these insights are encouragement for you. And if you ever want a listing ear (or a reading eye), hit me up. I'm here.

The Best Way, The Broken Way.

Thanks again to The Blythe Daniel Agency and BlogAbout for providing a copy of this incredible book for me and for one lucky winner. This post includes my two cents on Ann’s newest book, as well as a couple affiliate links. Enjoy!

Earlier this summer, when I first saw that Ann Voskamp had a new book coming out, I added it to my wish-list right away. There was a bit of build-up in my heart about reading this book, and I was not disappointed. The Broken Way is a book you need to read now. Ann has a way of explaining truth from the gospel and truth about life in a poetic and moving way, without any hint of condemnation or comparison. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I read the first few pages, but I was quickly pulled in and left reeling after just one chapter. I wanted to keep reading long into the night, but I also felt the need to stop every few pages and think hard about what she was saying. 

Ann has certainly had more broken in her life than most people I know, but she never holds that pain up as a badge of honor, or puts herself on a pedestal for having endured. She talks about tragedy in her childhood, the uncertainties she faced growing up, the painful roads she took in an attempt to cope with the pain life kept giving her, and she gives us glimpses of how those affected her life then and what it is doing now. Overall, she depicts a beautiful picture of restoration, but teaches us that it is never found in the ways we expect or even hope. 

I’ve been struggling with my own selfishness lately, and while Ann never addresses this directly, she shows me through her own example that living for my own desires is not the way of Christ, nor is it actually the way to find happiness, fulfillment, fellowship with others, or even my own identity. Being broken for others means giving in a thousand different ways: giving your patience when all you want to do is freak out, allowing yourself to be kind when everything in your heart feels mean, not holding back the love you feel in case something goes wrong. 

In her book Ann uses a bunch of ideas to explain the abundance that can be found in brokenness. These ideas are based a Greek word she finds in the Bible - koinonia, meaning, communion. She gives us a perspective of what communion really is through the recent circumstances of her life. The way this word kept coming up over and over again, almost always mingled with brokenness, is truly a beautiful story despite the tragedy mixed in. She points out that we forget what to expect from life, and we are often wrong in assuming an abundant life is a "happy" life, full of pleasant circumstances. Happiness doesn’t come from ease and comfort, but from sharing, from being broken open and spilling out into the lives of those around us. Oddly, pain is the route this takes most often. Life is full of pain no matter what, and sharing our pain, giving others the chance to bear our pain, is actually a gift. When we keep the pain inside and refuse to allow others to see it, we die a slow, painful death of loneliness, heartache, and confusion.

What will stick with me most from her book is seeing that perfection does not grow us into better wives, better friends, or better people. Brokenness is where we grow, where we meet with God, where our friends become life-long safety nets. You cannot avoid being broken, and it really will bring about fruit in your life. The amount you are willing to be broken will determine the amount of growth you see in your brokenness. Being perfect, always speaking from a place of knowing fully, always having an answer for every question… these things seem good, but they are not life-giving. 

This is a lesson I need. Purposeful or not, I like to wait out my hardship until I share all about it. My friends are not fooled when I am in a dark place, my husband knows I am having a hard time, and it is easy for me to just disappear from pretty much everyone else until I can straighten it all out in my head. How do I walk that line, that little beam of being broken but not in despair, of having a hard time but not allowing it to suck me dry, and be able to share that with others from a place that isn’t filled with complaint or selfishness? Ann’s book has helped me to gain a better perspective in my broken places and I am trying to put koinonia into practice. I know reading this book and attempting real, broken, honest communion and fellowship will bless you as well, even if it is painful and difficult. 

So, do you want to open this book up? Do you want to flip these pages, get a glimpse of Ann’s heart and see God working in all of her pain? And seriously, how blessed are we that she was willing to bare it all for our benefit? 

I’m using a new little plug-in to make entering this contest super easy for you! So start entering, and I will post a winner on Saturday morning.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Stay tuned this week for a little glimpse into how I am putting Ann's insights into practice in my life, I hope they will be a blessing to you and not just a giant complaining session, or a silly story about being ungrateful for the challenges of my (undeserved) privileged life. 

I feel like I should also say thank you to all you faithful (or first-time) readers. It's not easy to bare my heart here, to put my thoughts into my computer, beam them up to the blog, and not let their popularity determine my value. I appreciate that so many of you encourage me to keep doing it, no matter the outcome. I pray this blog is a blessing to you and I am grateful for your many kindnesses! 

When You Would.

Would has been the most difficult of these three words to wrap my mind around. While should and could definitely haunt me from time to time, would is often my fallback, the word easiest to use when I am feeling a little guilty over things in life I haven't done, events I have not participated in, or ambitions I left lying in the past.

When I first started playing around with the idea of blogging about these three words, my husband and I also started brainstorming a bit about a book. We even came up with a byline! Should, Could and Would: Learning to Live Free from Obligation, Regret, and Excuses. Sounds awesome, right? I want to live that way... until something hard comes up, and I'd rather find a really good reason to not participate, to spend my energy on myself, or do something else that seems more beneficial.

Diving right in here, take a minute to think about the full sentences you use with would.

I would have come to your event...

I would have brought them a meal...

I would have pursued that career...

In my life, would usually precedes the word but, and it's often used with an excuse. Don't get me wrong, sometimes your excuse might actually be a legitimate reason, but if you are using would regularly, there are probably some unresolved issues lingering in your heart and mind.

What I am seeing more clearly about would is helping me feel more grounded in my decisions. I have to come full circle again when I am wrestling with would and ask myself several questions to reach the heart of the issue. Did I really want to? Was I actually able to? Can I do something about it now?

For instance, your friend has a family crisis and someone sets up a meal-schedule to help them out. It's a crazy week for you and you end up missing out on being a meal-bearer that week. Before anyone questions your lack of participation, you are making excuses and giving reasons in your mind, and while it's all very understandable and legitimate, you are still struggling with guilt.  Here is one way I've found to get my heart and mind to a better place.

Did I really want to bring them a meal? Yes.

Was I able to bring them a meal? No. (insert the fact that many women might struggle with feeling guilty over it at this point)

Can I do something about it now? Yes!

If you are feeling torn up about what you were unable to do, take action now! It's never too late to call, email, or text and tell your friend you were unable to help a week or so ago, but are ready to help now. In fact, many people facing sudden crisis actually feel a bit lost and forgotten weeks after an incident, so a two-week-late response might be the timeliest act of love.

Let's use another example. If you are feeling would poking and prodding you about a missed opportunity, these questions can help you analyze if that opportunity is really gone forever or is as important as you think. For instance, I go through seasons of struggling with regret over not cultivating the artistic side of my life, specifically, learning how to paint. I took classes throughout my schooling years, but never did much beyond that. I long to do it, but somehow I just never seem to make it happen. So, I ask...

Do I really want to pursue being a painter? Maybe. I think so, someday?

Was I able to pursue it at one point? Yes.

Can I do something about it now? Yes!

I may not have the same opportunity as before, but answering these questions helps me see how much of a priority this really is, similar to the way we handled should.

What has really bothers me about dealing with would is the fact that I have to face the realities of my own laziness. Many of the things I feel frustrated about when I'm using the word would are things I kind of want, but not enough to do the hard work required. It's difficult to be that honest with myself, and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with these realities. Some pursuits are shallow, born out of a fleeting desire to find fame or fortune (more or less) and it's easy to see why they die on the side of the road. But other pursuits that are more worthwhile, endeavors I find good reasons to work toward, still find themselves being passed by because I am too lazy, too busy, or too tired to move forward with them.

Would is where I find myself at genuine crossroads. It's time to decide, to move forward, and to take action toward the goals I want to pursue. To be done with would is to make a choice and follow through. Would is where I feel paralyzed, afraid, and wondering if what I am doing is making any sense to the One who designed me. The only way I can move past these anxieties and unknown troubles is to trust in God's plan completely.

In order to take take action on the things we sit and think about, we have to know what we are doing is good and right. We have to trust that God uses even our mistakes and problems to eventually bring glory to Himself and allow us to know Him more deeply. Instead of simply thinking about what we would do, we need to consider what God desires. We can ask ourselves if pursuing specific endeavors are a pursuit of God or a pursuit of self. We can stop looking at what we would have done and instead look toward what we are able to do, seeking His will instead of our own. Then we have to get going. There's no getting around that - trust me, I'm an expert at planning, planning, planning, then avoiding, forgetting, and missing out, and it is not the better option.

As I make more and more effort to stop living with should, could, and would pestering me, I am finding more parts of myself I don't exactly like, or habits that are kind of shameful. But if I can turn all these shoulds, coulds, and woulds into reasons to look for God's will in my life, I receive His peace, His forgiveness, and His power to live free from obligation, guilt, and regret. I'm no longer looking to justify my actions, but seeing His glorious plans unfold in my life and the lives of those around me. The less amazing parts of me are shadowed by God's goodness showing up in unexpected places and I can see the progress He's made in perfecting me slowly.

This is what it means to get rid of should, could, and would. We take our eyes off ourselves, our plans, our abilities, and seek out the Creator.

What do I want? To know God and make Him known.

Can I do that? Only by His power.

Will I do that? Only by His faithful grace.

He promises we have all we need to walk uprightly, according to His will. Take Him up on that offer, dare Him to change and move you. I won't lie, it will be painful to rid of your fleshly desires and trade them for God's plans, but when you find yourself facing the day you were made for, the day you enter eternity, it will definitely have been worthwhile.

I hope these posts have been a good mix of practical and philosophical. It's important to think about the way we act, make decisions, and think, but it's also important to get to the actual doing. If you have any encouragement, questions, feedback, or other insights, I'd love to hear them! Feel free to comment here or email me directly. Maybe someday, I can sort this out enough for a book, but for now I pray that these posts are a small blessing to encourage you in your daily striving. Thanks for sticking with me and being patient :)