That One Word Thing.

Every year I have a group of friends that is insanely dedicated to picking out and praying over one word to encompass, shape, and influence the coming year. These friends plan to cling to their word, to think over what it means, hoping to make great progress in whatever that word is. I've seen friends pick words like Faith, Bravery, Hope, or Present, and I don't doubt that these are great ideals to embrace. Still, I felt like it was a little too cheesy for my serious self.

I'm wondering if you can see where this is going. I saw more and more friends choosing their words for this year and I continued to roll my eyes. Terrible, I know. And it's just like God to suddenly put a word on my heart and get my thoughts rolling it over and over again in my mind.

I was initially resistant because I want more than to just pick a word and think about it. I want it to impact my entire year. I want to learn what it really means and how it should shape my life. And then I got a wild idea, and I'm obsessing over it like you wouldn't believe.

So to clarify, yes, I jumped on this One Word train. One morning, after being totally judgmental about someone else's word choice, I suddenly thought of the word "called" and have not been able to get it out of my mind. But I plan to do much more than think or pray over this word, though those are both valuable and important things to do. Ready for the big plan? I'm still not completely sure how this will all go down, and my plans are sure to change along the way, but as of now, here is what I am going to do.

Each month I will focus on a separate facet of what it means to be Called. Often, when we think of our "calling," it feels very vague, mysterious, clouded in wonder and hope, but always feeling a little bit out of our grasp or comprehension. We spend countless hours fantasizing over this "calling" while constantly being told that when we know exactly what "it" is we will understand our place in this world. But how does that help us live today? Should all our focus really be on finding out what this special "calling" is? Or are there other ways to figure it out without being too self-absorbed and miss out on other opportunities?

The truth is we are Called to many things. And for the most part, they are all something to do, someone to be, or something to receive. So I've picked out 12 different "callings" and I am going to hash out a new one every month. I'll give you the big reveal January 1st and then at the end of each month I'll share what I'm learning, along with some questions to help you work through this process right along with me. My hope is that during each month I will grow more and more deeply in my convictions, in my knowledge of who I am supposed to be, how I am supposed to live, and be better at trusting God with all of the circumstances of my life. Ultimately, I want to understand God better and live for Him more freely, with more reckless abandon and confident happiness. Sounds pretty lovely, right?

Here is how you can do this with me!

First off, subscribe to my monthly newsletter and you'll be reminded about the new facet of being Called we'll be working through that month. I know, maybe you already signed up for my newsletter and have only received one; that is completely my fault. Doing all this writing, tutoring, homeschooling at a new level, and Fall sports put me in a bad place, a place where only the absolutely most important things in my life got done. I'm still figuring out what gives me life and energy, and I am making better decisions about what I can or can't do. None-the-less, if you sign up for my newsletter, you WILL get to be a part of these 12 Months of Called.

Next, check in on my blog every month. If I were you, I'd even get a cheap notebook and write down some of the questions and thoughts you have along the way. I'll be sharing how I answer my own questions, but maybe God will be speaking to you in a different way, and chances are, you'll want to remember that.

Here are some of the types of questions I'll be asking:

- How does understanding this Call more deeply help me live better?
- How does knowing this Call change my life-goals?
- How does living by this Call change the way I should act?
- Is the way I am acting right this second in line with what I know?

These are healthy things to ask when you are learning anything, but I think it's especially important when it comes to understanding what we are Called to be, to do, and to receive. Calling is a lot less mysterious and far more practical than we make it out to be. I'm learning that God doesn't want to keep me in the dark about how I am supposed to live and what I am supposed to pursue, and I'm thrilled to be headed down this path of better understanding what it means to be Called.

Lastly, join our Facebook Group. I will post links to the blog posts and probably do a few giveaways too :) It will likely be the same content, but more personal interaction will be happening there.

As a little Christmas gift I will give you a hint before I wrap this up. In January, we'll explore the ultimate calling we have as Christians: to know God and enjoy Him forever. I'm convinced this doesn't just mean in eternity. Jesus brought the Kingdom to earth and we are meant to live in the enjoyment of His promises and presence here today too! From February on, we'll look at the smaller pieces under that big call, thinking through what kind of people we are called to be, how we are called to act toward others, and the different things God calls us to receive as gifts from Him. As we get going, I am convinced that all of these make a difference not just in our lives overall, but they shape individual moments in our days.

This is what I'm after; knowing God's Call in such a way that I can live with complete confidence, genuine joy, and perpetual peace.

Again, here is the link to sign up for my newsletter. I am excited to explore this with friends and sisters, with people who want to know the Lord better and are ready to seek Him out. His promises of wisdom and being found are what I will be clinging to in all of this (Deut. 4:29, Jer. 29:13, Matt. 4:7, Acts 17:27, James 1:5-8). Remember these as you pray and get ready for a New Year, and remember you are not going at it alone!

So who is with me? Feel free to ask questions in the comments, and tell me what you hope to find along this journey together. And in case you aren't excited yet, you just wait! I'm pretty sure my level of excitement is enough for at least 10 people :)

Merry Christmas, and see you January 1st!

Trusting for the Impossible.

If you have grown up in church, or have been in church for long, you're familiar with the idea of leaning on Jesus. He is to supply all our needs, to do what we cannot do ourselves. And yes, this is true! In my selfish state, I cannot make myself want to be a patient mom, and I cannot will my heart to love my family with a true servant's heart apart from Jesus changing my desires. But it really is funny how God seems to take something you think you knew, then lay it out in a brand new light, usually through circumstances you would not wish on anyone else.

Last week I had my first practicum of the year. Being involved in Classical Conversations has given me a place to work on my learning and speaking endeavors, so two summers ago and this summer I have been able to speak at a few of our three-day Practicum sessions. This is where we work together to better understand a specific topic, learn how to implement classical tools of learning in our daily teaching endeavors, and then practice what we are learning together. It's loads of fun, and loads of work. I speak for three days, do at least 80+ hours of reading, editing slides, and just overall coordinating materials. Each day is about five or six hours total of standing on stage, leading discussion, and sharing information. For some reason, I am just naturally wired to love it!

Although, I'm not the best at packing!

Back to last week, I was in Eugene for the three days and got to enjoy some time with my baby sister, who is really not a baby anymore, as well as visit Gutenberg College, and make a bunch of new friends. But God had a small kink He was going to throw into my plans. Monday night I became immensely sick, slept only two hours, and then it was time to get ready for day number two. No big deal, right? Ha! I cannot remember the last time I slept only two hours, but I guarantee I did not do anything important the next day. I cannot remember the last time I felt so miserable for so long either! And again, those sick days are usually followed by lots of TV for the kids and mom laying on the couch. So to say I was concerned at 6am is probably an understatement.

As I called, texted, and left messages with people in charge, I decided to try to get ready, do the bare minimum to be presentable, and hope for the best. I started to feel less nauseous, but I was feverish and sweating, had the car turned up to 80 degrees, and tried to rest on the heated seats. I really needed to just get through the first session, then we had plans for someone else attending who would be able to take over if needed. After being prayed over several times, and willingly stepping forward to do my job, I made it through the morning, and by lunch time I was laughing about how crazy it all was.


Now, I didn't go into those first sessions saying "God will provide for all my needs." I simply showed up and hoped I wouldn't die. I know God does not always provide the things I think I need, or help me achieve grand or amazing accomplishments. I know that His plans are often different than mine and, usually, a lot less comfortable. And this insane experience of mine was confirmation that God is doing works that are far beyond my understanding.

Feeling almost normal on Day 3 of Eugene Practicum! 

In church the following Sunday, we sang about how much we need Jesus, and the pieces of the puzzle started to come together a bit. I know that God must have supplied my need that Tuesday at Practicum, because I have never done anything coherent on only two hours of sleep. But how often do I go into situations in my life, fully confident in God's ability to accomplish His plans, not bemoaning the cost of those works? And more so, how often do I work hard in all my endeavors, trusting God to give my kids, my family, and the people I am investing in, what only He can give? Or do I simply look at myself, get frustrated at my inability, and sit alone in defeat?

I still don't really know why on earth God would have allowed me to get sick when I did, as it was honestly one of my worst nightmares as far at the timing was concerned, but I know I grew from that experience, and I saw God working in me in a far different way than I usually see. I have a different perspective on what it means for God to "supply our need" or to work in us far beyond what we can see or understand. This experience is forcing me to look at my daily life with less trust in myself, but not in a defeated way. I can see my inability and say "I know God has got it covered."

He is always at work, always desiring for us to trust Him in our lack. And not just in our physical lack, or monetary lack, or energy-related lack, but in all ways that we cannot be perfect, He is there, willing to give out the rest. In all our endeavors, when we truly seek His will, He is there making up for all the ways we fall short. We don't need to obsess over what we are unable to give our children, or the goals we still are unable to reach. God is there, working things out, providing for us in both dramatic and normal ways. He barely sustains us when that is all we need, and He gives us great abundance when that is what what we need.

Are you seeing a theme yet? We can trust that whatever provision He is sending, is precisely what we need. This insight has brought me great joy and comfort this week. I think most moms struggle with inadequacy and wondering if they are truly giving their family what they need. But God's provision during my time of need has reminded me that He is always working, always giving my family what they need, through all of my failures, strengths, struggles, and victories. He's making up for my lack and providing me the strength to excel with the gifts He has given.

This is the road to low-stress parenting, and I'm beginning to see it as the road to low-stress life as well: trusting God for all the things we cannot control. And not just hoping it works out, but knowing with full confidence that in every situation God is working out the details for the betterment of our souls. Beautiful comfort, sweet delight, undeserved blessing! Yes, easier said than done, but well worth the effort to pursue.

Regular Life.

It's been a while, huh?

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't written for a couple weeks. Life has been pretty ordinary, and my feelings are ever changing. One hour I am grateful and feeling undeservedly blessed to be living this life, then the next hour I am miserable, exhausted, complaining, and angry. Call it hormones, call it sin-nature, call it the insanity that stems from being with your kids 24/7, call it whatever you think it is, it's super annoying and becoming an old, frustrating story. 

I was going to say I never feel totally unable to cope, but that's not entirely true. I have my moments, maybe minutes, or even close to an hour every once in a while, but the demands of homeschooling and mothering a toddler force me to wake up & get stuff done, even if that stuff is wiping a bottom or helping another kid with some school-related task. I long to never feel overwhelmed, to never feel exhausted beyond repair, or to never feel crazily angry over the needs rising from those around me, kids or not. However, that longing has not been fulfilled, and I am not sure it ever will.

I have other times where I feel shamelessly awesome. I see my ambition, my creative ideas, my desire to run a successful business, my kids doing well with their learning, and I cannot help but feel pretty stinking incredible. But I know it's not because of me. It's not because of my efforts, or any innate goodness or brilliance I have. All of these good gifts are from the Father of Lights. Still, I don't know how to balance the easy and the difficult, how to endure the down periods without despair and to enjoy the wonderful times without attributing them to my own efforts. 

This struggle between these two extremes gives me constant conversation in my brain, incessantly picking apart everything I'm doing, weighing all the choices I'm making, and almost forcing me to consider each and every tiny step of my day with far too much weight of importance. Some of the thoughts that continue to linger are ...

- my readers will resent me for being ambitious. 

- my friends will fear being real with me, or asking me for help. 

- no one will support my endeavors. 

- my downfalls will look too silly for anyone to want to help me. 

- my desire for success will cause me to pursue something I shouldn't.

- my weaknesses are too awful and I will never overcome them.

- my ambition for excellence will appear as pride.

- maybe people really just don't like me at all.

Maybe these seem silly to you. Maybe you don't know me well enough to see me as someone with these kinds of insecurities. Maybe you think I'm a wimp for being unable to cope with many of these simple fears. Or maybe you can relate. Silly or not, fears take hold and guide our decisions unless we direct them to where they belong. God can defeat our fears and He wants to. All of my fears are about things that might happen, or thoughts unknown to me. Fear exists in the unknown, but God knows all. I'm seeing more clearly that overcoming my fear is rooted in trusting God with every single, tiny little thing.

As I read a devotion with the kids this morning, I read part of Psalm 139 and was reminded again how much God loves me and watches over me. 

"Oh LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

You discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

And are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, 

Behold, Oh LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, before and behind, 

And lay your hand upon me."

The Psalm goes on to talk about God knowing our motives, our life, our complete existence, and how little we understand of it all. This Psalm was written with David, having his own motives, earnestly telling God what he desires but ending with the same intention Jesus had: not my will, but yours. 

In all the wishy-washy ways I am wandering through my life, I hope to always end there, as David did, as Jesus did, and many other saints along the way. I want God's desires to be my desires. I want my desires to be earnest, truthful, coming from a pure heart. I know it's not fun to see my yucky motives and my bad coping mechanisms, but I want a renewed life, a free spirit, and a bold willingness to endure whatever God sees fit. Most of all, I want to do this with a joyful faith. I want to trust God enough to love it, even when I kind of hate it. 

I don't know how to attain this, and actually, I don't think it's possible without God's divine intervention. But the more I meditate on it, the more I focus on God's ability, presence, and absurd love for me, the more I see how it can happen. Then the chaos of kids, changing friendships, and an uncertain future is less scary. I'm more excited to see the next day, and less sad that it might be filled with more of the normal, average, stay-at-home drama. 

I know this doesn't give you a ton of practical use, but hopefully it will still help you strive toward being with God more often and more deeply. I'm not actually amazing, nor I am I complete mess. I am what God is making me, and I am hopeful that it will be better a year from now. And what really brings me courage and joy is knowing 100% that someday, I too will actually be perfect! Sure, it'll be the day I die, but it is also the day I will live perfect in peace, light, and love forever. 

Why I Cannot Help It.

I understand you might not believe in God. I know you have probably been offended, hurt, ripped off, or even treated maliciously by a Christian at some point in your life. Maybe you've been shocked at the horrific way Christians have treated those with opposing beliefs. I admit, I have done these things to people in my ignorance or sinful choices too. But feelings are not the guiding principle of the world. Your opinions of right or wrong should not be what leads you to decide who rules the universe. What seems good and noble to you will have no bearing on what happens to you after you die, and this is what concerns me the most. This is why I write.

I've always wanted my writing to be applicable to many people. Not just Christians, not just homeschoolers, not just women. More than anything, I want the chance to impact people's lives, to lead them to God, and give them the courage they need to live free from their burdens and anxieties. I want to give people hope, challenge them to live beyond their fears, and strive for excellence in all they do. But the more I write and the more I think, I discover I cannot write to the broad audience I had once hoped to reach. At least, not in the way I had originally envisioned.

When I was in High School, I shared with a select few my desire to write about the Bible, to write about how to live as a Christ-follower in our distracting and despairing world. In college my eyes were opened to several different genres of literature and my desires began to shift a little. I've always been a reader, and some of the books I enjoyed in High School and college seemed a bit beyond my years and understanding, at least to an outsider. I'm sure I would gain even more from books like The Grapes of Wrath and Brave New World, but even in my limited understanding of the world at 17, I saw there were deep truths to be grasped in secular literature.

After getting married and having kids, my home library grew, but consisted of mostly Christian titles. There were lots of Bible study type of books, lots of Christian-Living books, and lots of books written by prominent women in the Christian culture. I was fine with this at the time, as these books almost always set my heart back to God and encouraged me to grow in my knowledge of the Bible. It was only the last year or two that I began to enjoy a good fictional novel again. I jumped right in and am so thankful for all the lovely recommendations I've received.

These fiction books have inspired something in me, something that burns to share the gospel with people who want nothing to do with God. I hope those opposed to God would read a book, having no clue it would share the redemption story, and eventually see what is missing in their lives. I wouldn't call it a pipe dream, but it certainly feels a bit lofty for where I am at right now. The problem is, every time I sit down to write, I cannot help but talk about the way God holds me together, or how He stirs in my heart, or how He empowers me to love my friends and family. I don't especially want to be classified as a "Christian author" but there is this crazy fire in my heart, forcing me to just come out and say "It's true, you need God".

How often have you thought about your death? What brings you comfort thinking about a loved-one who has already passed away? Do you ignore it? Do you simply try to be happy until death appears at your door? These are questions I could not face without knowing my eternal standing. And these are the same questions I think about for others, for all my unbelieving friends. And this is why I cannot help writing about God.

I want to be earnest with you, unbelieving friend. I want to beg you to think about your death. I know it seems morbid, but I can't help but wonder how much thought you have put into it. Death is inevitable, and it could happen tomorrow, or even today! Are your really ready? Am I?

Francis and Lisa Chan published a book called You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity. It motivated me to consider more greatly how I view eternity in light of this world. On page 134 Francis says "If you'd rather watch your kids grow up than see the face of your Savior today, you don't grasp the beauty of God. If you worry about what would happen to your children if you were gone, you don't understand the providence of God." This seems incredibly extreme, and Francis says so too. But it is the truth, and we need to consider it with reverence. How happy would you be to be in Heaven tomorrow? How happy would you be if your child got there before you? This addresses the root of what I think makes Christians these days poor examples of living for God's eternal kingdom. (I am not talking about grieving the death of a loved one and missing them, but rather the weight of the value we place on being here on earth.) We care far more about living comfortably here on earth than we care about the souls of people around us, about experiencing the eternal happiness of being with our Creator. Most Christians admit to believing in Heaven and Hell, yet make little effort to store up treasure in Heaven, much less save those perishing right beside them.

If you don't believe in God, do you believe in Heaven? Have you considered what you believe about it, and why? Can you logically reason through all of your beliefs and come up with something even close to plausible?

I ask these questions out of genuine curiosity and concern. I'm not going to detail everything about God, eternity, Jesus and more right here, right now. But I would be happy to have a real conversation with you about it, in person preferably, via email if necessary. Not because I feel the need to win people over, or because I want to be "right" in my own eyes, but because I honestly worry about what will happen to you after you die. And this is what compels me to keep writing, to keep sharing.

This is why I cannot help but mention God when I talk about what I am struggling with or what I am having victory over in my life. He drives everything. I cannot claim to be a Christian, then go on living the same way the rest of the world does. There is nothing I have found to live for here on earth better than getting ready for living forever after I die. This means everything I pursue is thought through all the way to my death and beyond. I look at every endeavor and say "Will I be glad I spent my time and effort on this in Heaven?". I look at what I believe and ask "Would I still believe this if I lived in a shack in India?". If I cannot answer these questions and see how they work with God's desire to make Himself known to the lost, I have no choice but to give up these desires and beliefs. Sometimes they fall easy, sometimes I get lost in them for a long time. Always, I wish I had the guts to toss them aside at the first sign of being rooted in my desire for fulfillment in things apart from God.

That is where I want to be everyday. Wholeheartedly desiring to be fulfilled in God alone. And this is why I cannot write to you only about living on earth, or only about homeschooling, or only about getting along with my children. If I am giving you advice that allows you to live apart from God and feel okay with that, let me be forever unable to share! While I cringe at the idea of being a "Christian Writer" I cannot pursue anything else without ignoring my conscience. And for all my friends who do not believe, I can only hope you will consider my words with love and honesty. I pray God will reveal Himself to you, and that you will desire to know the truth of our existence in this universe, and not settle for only the here and now.

I could keep going, trying to reason through the impact we leave behind, whether we believe in God, eternity, or nothing, but my post would be far too long. Instead, I want to challenge you to read two books. First, read the bible. If you've never read the bible, read the four Gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Heck, even read just one! See Jesus firsthand. Then, if you want to get all philosophical, and see the roots of what you believe, read The God Who is There by Francis Schaeffer. Christian or not, he will enlighten you as to the long road our beliefs about the world take us down. He gets to the root of how we can determine good vs. evil, reality vs. what is only in our minds. It's a bit intellectual, but you will not regret straining your brain on this book.

Lastly, please don't hesitate to engage in a conversation with me. I'm not looking to point out sin, to mock you, disregard your struggles, or call you some ridiculous name. I want to share God's loving grace with anyone willing to hear. I hope with all my heart this will include you.

"And I tell you, ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened unto you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."                                    

Luke 11:9-10

Being a Thinker.

Whenever I take personality quizzes, I have to laugh when I read some of the descriptions. Not because they are wrong, but because they are ever so right. They usually say something like "You sometimes overanalyze problems" or "You often overthink a scenario that might come to pass". It may seem like I am always changing to some people, but this personality trait has stuck with me since I can remember. If you know me well, you might be laughing about it too. When I try to explain problems I am dealing with to friends, the first response is usually "I think you might be thinking about this too much." Thinking about everything, all the time can sometimes be helpful, and it definitely has its place, but it may be my biggest hindrance in life.

Thinking deeply about critical and significant issues is commonplace to me. It's rare for a day to go by where I have not despaired about the state of our world or the tragedy taking place in the lives of people all over the globe. It's easy to let these thoughts run my day while running me into the ground. It is important to take time to understand the difficult circumstances people are in around the world, and it's important for us to consider the roots of these problems. We should consider how we contribute to any of these issues, how history has shaped the countries struggling around the globe, how our culture encourages materialism and physical success, and how those affect the people we live around and engage with.

Those are hard topics. It takes forever to gain a base of knowledge to feel remotely capable of finding a helpful solution. Trust me, I've wracked my brain over it more times than I can count. It can be exhausting to contemplate all of these difficult things and not have opportunity to affect change in what we think is powerful and effective. But, global crisis and hardships are not the only topics that deserve our deep thinking.

Thinking about our children, their strengths, their weaknesses, their habits, their loves and their needs is extremely important too. More important than the world will tell you. But then again, there are so many different opinions on where we find value in our children and what they mean to us. They vary from being the best thing that ever happened to us, the sunshine in our days, to just another member of the family. They can be seen as a hindrance on our ability to accomplish success, or an opportunity to spread the gospel, and more. I believe there is a balance to be found in all of it. Obviously, my kids' education is important enough for me to make it my full-time, low-paying job. Well, I actually only get paid for tutoring at CC, but that's still something. No matter where we place that line of how valuable our children are, we still have a lot of thinking to do when it comes to raising them.

We need to think long enough and hard enough about our decisions in order to move forward with confidence. If you can't do that, you will struggle with every challenging day (trust me, I do this way too often). Yesterday morning I was thinking way too hard about some writing I did the previous night. Words were not spilling out of me the way I had hoped. There were far fewer than I realized, which hardly ever happens in my mind or conversations. I woke up still feeling annoyed about it, then saw a homeschooling conference opportunity I was pretty sure wouldn't work out for me to attend. So what did I do? I just kept thinking! It was terrible. I was consumed in looking at what I needed to do and seeing it as a hindrance compared to what I wanted to do. I looked at all the dirty laundry and moaned because it would require some hours of light labor. I looked at my dirty shower and was pouty because I would need to spend another 10 minutes or so scrubbing. My brain was taking me to an unlovely place, and while I wasn't ready to admit I didn't want to go there, I really knew I was in some sort of trouble.

Then, the kids were kids. The boys were playing football in the hallway, Jovi was crying about everything, and I was ready for a nap at 9:30am. I showered, scrubbed, got dressed and even put on makeup. The boys were asking about going to a local football field and, by God's grace, I decided to go for it. We only spent 45 minutes there, but it was the most perfect 45 minutes. Oh, Jovi threw three lovely screaming fits, Asher and Cole fought about who was faster, Cole yelled about not playing anymore because Asher was indeed faster, but somehow, it was exactly what we all needed. The space, the endorphins, the cold air - it all worked out to restart my brain. My thoughts went from a high speed chase of over-thinking this time in my life, to considering my children, my job and my future as a glorious task God has granted me.

I really wanted to share this with you because being stuck in my own head seems to be the biggest wall I face in homeschooling on a pretty regular basis. Homeschooling doesn't feel hard because of my kids' attitudes (though it definitely makes it harder), or because of my laundry schedule, or even because of my weariness. Homeschooling is hard because my mind gets caught up on things which have no bearing, no place in my mind and soul. I don't need to waste time moaning about the loss of 10 more minutes, or two more loads of laundry. God has got it more than covered. I would rather save that mental energy for looking into the lives of my children, seeing what they see, and giving them what only I can give.

When my husband and I were first making the decision of whether or not to homeschool, we landed on this: we believe personal investment and the knowledge of Jesus our savior to be the most important factors in our kids' educations and lives. We believe we are able to give this to them better than any affordable school option we've found. If there comes a day where we are no longer able to give them these things, we will reconsider how we school. For now, these two ambitions are my priority, our family's priority. They come before accomplishing my personal writing goals (though I am making headway on them), before reading the latest book on my ever growing list, before feeling like I have got it all under control or staying on top of my social calendar. I am still ambitious, full of goals and dreams, but my selfishness needs to take a back seat, probably permanently, so I can show my family Jesus by giving up my life for theirs. This might sound terribly self-demeaning, but I am confident I will not regret it. My investment in them is also an investment in myself, both here on earth and in eternity. I'm convinced I will never regret teaching them the gospel by first living it out. Living it out perfectly, or even very well, every day is more than impossible, but God enjoys using us for these types of impossible tasks. I'm going to stay ambitious, stay driven, and seek His excellence every day. The more I see it, the more my kids will see it, and eventually, the more the world will see it too. I can think of no greater honor than to behold and partake in the glory and excellence of Christ. I'm grateful I can do it every day, and that I can share it with my children as well.

I challenge you to look at your thoughts today. Don't only observe what they are, but take time to consider where they come from, if they are rooted in truth, and what they are leading you towards. The big issues in our world eventually dwindle down to small things. Each large movement in history has started with just thoughts and intentions, eventually becoming actions of the people involved. It is worthwhile to spend time thinking, and it is necessary for you too. The time you spend placing your mind where it should be, the less time you spend fighting it on difficult days. You will know the place this work has in your life, and your heart will settle on it contentedly. You will not be lacking passion, but your passion will be ignited with confidence. This is what I dream about - confidence in my daily work, leading to excellence, exuberance and a joy that will never diminish. This is what we have in Christ. And this is what we can offer our children. What a gift!