Thinking About Thoughts.

This month has been filled with some unexpected things. A funky molar that needed a better look (and a couple extra dental appointments) and  a toilet that destroyed a solid chunk of our house are just two examples. The molar is almost done being dealt with (phew!) but the bathroom situation is a little more intense. It will require a lot more work and us potentially moving out for a short stint. You can guess how I feel about packing up much of our belongings again. Ha!

There have also been other unexpected things that are relatively minor but changed my daily habits, which is always a challenge to figure out. My hoopla stopped giving me access to all the books I used to listen to, so I haven't been able to finish the books I set out to get through this past month. My book proposal I've been working on since September took longer than expected, which is kind of frustrating since it was already taking much longer than I thought it would. I'm figuring out that most writing, especially writing books, is far more arduous than authors let on. I have a feeling I'll be learning that lesson for a while. But the proposal part is done, several chapters are written (which I'm sure will still be edited at some point during the process) and I'll be sending it off to a couple agencies and publishers. I still cannot believe it is done!

But the biggest lesson about unexpected events I have learned this month is how God works in unexpected ways. Not always outside of us, but usually inside. The key is allowing it to happen.

I am often grumpy on Sunday mornings. Church starts just a touch earlier than I like and I don't have the time to just linger in the morning the way I prefer. But with our Call this month to Receive the Mind of Christ, I have found myself more quickly changed than usual. When my mind says "Let's see what God wants me to think about this" I tend to get over my selfish pouting faster than had I just obsessed over what I don't like about it. It's been such a nice change that I'm shocked, and a little embarrassed, I don't do it more often. And I definitely had times during the month I could have been better about making an effort toward that end. I'm still a work in progress.

I really wanted to have this lovely blog post all figured out and perfectly in order last week, but I prioritized my proposal and decided that a late, more "real" and unstructured blog post would still be better than nothing. I don't have a ton of thoughts, or any super deep, insightful analogies to share with you; just a bit of encouragement, a bit of comfort for seasons of struggle or slowness.

Last week I finally received a book I had won a couple months ago. The author, John Eldredge, really resonates with me. He is passionate about Christians not becoming dispassionate in an attempt to live a good, Christian life. He argues that God made your heart and moves you through your longings, so to just tune them out or disregard them is not wise or healthy. God uses our longings and they need to be carefully directed toward Him. We need this kind of encouragement! To not just throw away our hearts when we decide to follow God, but to give them over to Him.

The book I won is called All Things New and I am eager to get to it (right after I finish The Brothers Karamazov). I'm feeling the exciting culmination of the months leading up to April and Easter and pray that these changes I am experiencing are more permanent and lasting than other seasons of my life. Here are some of the things I am now doing after working through my Called series so far, things I really want to keep doing:

- searching to Know God more deeply
- asking God what He is doing
- asking God what He wants me to do
- seeking to understand God's perspective on my situations
- following through on tasks that I don't love in order to honor God and serve others

Am I perfect? Heck no. My house still isn't as clean as I'd like (or I'm sure my husband would like) and I've let go of a couple endeavors that, while fun and could have potential, were just diverting me from what I am really committed to and caused me stress. My kids still get on my nerves and I still often react poorly when I am tired, hungry, or under a time constraint. But I see improvement in my heart and it is slowly bleeding out into the rest of my life.

While many Christians have a day and night difference in their lives once turning their life over to Christ, mine has been a slower pace, forming since I was just a child. And I've gone through seasons of wrestling with that, wondering if my testimony would be "weaker" or less important. But God has been so gracious to encourage me this year in all of that. We are all in this for the long haul, and even those dramatic conversions will have periods of time where progress feels slow, where hearts are tempted to turn back to the things they loved before. It is in the consistent, slow, almost invisible work we do that God grows the seeds of the fruit we will bear. And preparing our hearts is a pivotal first step in creating a fertile ground for all of that growing and working.

What is God working out in you this month? If you've followed along with the Five Minute Challenge, what have you seen God changing in your mind? In your heart? How has thinking about having God's perspective on your life enabled you to better live for Him?

Next month I will look at how the bible Calls us to Prepare for Jesus' return. How fitting that Easter is in April this year?! I will not be posting on Easter, but by April 4th I will have a new post and new goals for us. I am feeling the culmination of all our efforts building to this weighty tasks. I am also seeing how God has been so kind to align so many different teachings in my life to guide me in thinking through this endeavor. Every time I go to church it seems like God is giving me a small seed I need either for this series or for my book. It feels a little ridiculous that He would be so gracious. It's not like I'm a huge blogger or prominent figure, yet He still reaches down and shows me He is preparing a good work for me. Just as He wants to do for you!

May you feel the blessings of God this week. Especially the blessing of a promised eternity that is waiting for you. This life will bring trouble, tribulation, and hardship, but it doesn't end with those things. The best is yet to come! He has risen!

Receiving the Mind of Christ.

Last week I reached the point of the year where I felt ready to give up on all my goals. Two months have gone by fairly quickly, but lately I am looking at everything I've done, everything yet to do, and everything still not getting done on a regular basis and I feel like I am beginning to crumble. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's a response to overcommitting and my desire to achieve, but maybe it's because my mind is not where it should be.

I'll be the first to admit; I have a hard time letting God have His way.

Yes, we just finished the month about obedience, but my thought-life is still trying to get on board. I have a lot of "ifs" that need worked through and a lot of insecurities that need tossed. It feels easy to trust God with something big and important, but I am struggling to surrender my life over to the sacrifices that are required of me right now, day after day. I know my perspective is skewed. And while I can still choose to obey, the heartache and frustration from still wishing things were different, easier, more glamorous and less blah, are wearing me down.

This is where I'm going to take a public leap of faith, say a million prayers, and go to bed each night hoping God does His work.

I am hopeful that if I truly have the same priorities as God, if I can fully gain His insight, and understand what He wants for my life, my heart will eventually come around.

Let's all pray that "eventually" is more like tomorrow, or even next week; the sooner the better!

My head insists on thinking about what my days and my life should look like. I know it's not how God says I should spend my time and thoughts, but it is a challenge getting my mind to stop. I'm overwhelmed but feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm exhausted with my to-do list but it's never close to being done. I go back and forth between wanting to rest and wanting to get the work done, hoping one of those options will enable me to truly be at peace for a bit. But even when I am obeying the best I know how, my mind is still not tracking the way I believe God wants it to.

This month's Call is all about our thought-life. Not just all this "positivity" and "good-vibes" but spending our time focused on what it means to Receive the Mind of Christ. We are called to use our minds for His glory. We are commanded to filter what comes in (Romans 10:4-6). Not only is our mind one of the ways God uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us, but our minds inform our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). And I desperately need my mind to start informing my heart of what is true, honorable, lovely, and more.

The verse I want us to focus on this month really stands out to me. It was actually really challenging to pick just this one because the whole section in 1 Corinthians 2 is truly amazing. Go read it all! For now, think about what is said in verse 12:

"Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God."

Earlier in the chapter, Paul is talking about how we cannot fathom what God has in store for us, and that no one can know the thoughts of God. BUT, and it is a really big BUT, the Holy Spirit searches even the depths of God and then speaks to us. Isn't that amazing? What a gift!

Not only are there riches to fathom in receiving the mind of Christ, but there is wisdom to be had as well. And Proverbs is chock-full of advice about seeking wisdom. We need it, and we need it to come from God. Not just from friends on Instagram, not only from that non-fiction author who mostly talks about biblical stuff, but from God Himself.

I know getting your mind right with God might feel like strange business. I mean, He has to do the work, so what exactly are we supposed to do?

We need to start by making ourselves available. If we are constantly filled with the world, we have left no room for the things of God. If during every free second of our days we turn to social media, email, or communicating with others, we have left no open window for God to come in and communicate with us. We will need to learn to sit, be still, quiet our thoughts and simply listen. We will need to search the scriptures without an agenda. We will need to meditate on what we read and become willing to sit without immediate answers. We will need to stop thinking our thoughts and instead, ask God about His thoughts.

I was kind of dreading this post because I feel like I am doing such a lousy job of this lately, but after writing about all of that slowing down and sitting in silence, it sounds incredibly ideal and brings me refreshing hope. Are you up for it? Will you put your phone down, wait for God to move His Spirit and tell you what He has freely given you?

My book list is quite a bit shorter for this month's Call. I may add some others in a week or so, but since my goal is to sit and let God do the speaking, I want to clear my schedule a bit and stop filling my mind with everything I think is best.

Per the recommendation of my pastor, I am listening to Think: The Life of the Mind and the Love of God by John Piper.  I am only about 45 minutes in and am thoroughly encouraged.

I have already read David Mathis' book, Habits of Grace, and listened to it via the app Hoopla twice. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is practical, spiritually deep though, and a great encouragement no matter where you find yourself in your walk with God.

I will also be reading a few chapters in Proverbs each day. I might skirt around and check out other books as I feel lead (especially Ecclesiastes) but I want to really understand the gravity of how important wisdom from God really is and should be to us. I want to want it as bad as Solomon said we need it.

Like I said before, I hope that focusing on what needs to be in my mind and spending time allowing God to work in my thoughts will bring a peace to my heart that I am currently lacking. I need God's perspective on my life and I desire my heart to just play along nice and quit making it so hard. On one hand, I am comforted that even Paul felt like this (Romans 7:15-24), wanting one thing that you know you don't actually want, and doing the things you don't want to do, but I cannot force myself out of this place. I need to set my mind on the Spirit and allow Him to move in my mind, changing the desires of my flesh and bringing me genuine peace.

I'm guessing you need that too, right? Let's work on it together!

I am also hosting a Five Minute Challenge this month, every Monday through Friday on my Instagram (@joellen.armstrong). We'll spend five minutes in silence, allowing God to speak to us. No phone, no journaling, no praying even except for asking God to fill our minds with His mind. I'm excited to see so many women becoming more connected to God and more aware of His working in our lives. Follow me there and let me know you'll join in.

Make sure you also sign up to receive my monthly newsletter here (and get some cool bookmarks while you do) and then join our Facebook group to receive some other freebies and be encouraged.

I'm praying this is a month that makes an impact for all of us. I am asking God to fill my mind with what He desires, with what He wants me to know about Him, about life, about salvation and more. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help get your thinking going. Feel free to answer in the comments or write them down to ponder alone. May God bless your efforts in understanding Him better.


What thoughts against myself am I constantly battling?

What do I know about God that can change how I am looking at this difficult, annoying, frustrating, or even tragic situation?

What truths has God given me that I can cling to?

How can I "set my mind on the Spirit" as Paul says in Romans 8?

What personal desires are keeping me from wanting the life God wants me to enjoy living?


If you are wrestling through life, trying to get a handle on everything, please don't hesitate to reach out for prayer. It is a powerful tool and it builds community and encourages authentic relationships. Whether it is me or someone else you know, ask someone to pray for you! You won't regret it.

That One Word Thing.

Every year I have a group of friends that is insanely dedicated to picking out and praying over one word to encompass, shape, and influence the coming year. These friends plan to cling to their word, to think over what it means, hoping to make great progress in whatever that word is. I've seen friends pick words like Faith, Bravery, Hope, or Present, and I don't doubt that these are great ideals to embrace. Still, I felt like it was a little too cheesy for my serious self.

I'm wondering if you can see where this is going. I saw more and more friends choosing their words for this year and I continued to roll my eyes. Terrible, I know. And it's just like God to suddenly put a word on my heart and get my thoughts rolling it over and over again in my mind.

I was initially resistant because I want more than to just pick a word and think about it. I want it to impact my entire year. I want to learn what it really means and how it should shape my life. And then I got a wild idea, and I'm obsessing over it like you wouldn't believe.

So to clarify, yes, I jumped on this One Word train. One morning, after being totally judgmental about someone else's word choice, I suddenly thought of the word "called" and have not been able to get it out of my mind. But I plan to do much more than think or pray over this word, though those are both valuable and important things to do. Ready for the big plan? I'm still not completely sure how this will all go down, and my plans are sure to change along the way, but as of now, here is what I am going to do.

Each month I will focus on a separate facet of what it means to be Called. Often, when we think of our "calling," it feels very vague, mysterious, clouded in wonder and hope, but always feeling a little bit out of our grasp or comprehension. We spend countless hours fantasizing over this "calling" while constantly being told that when we know exactly what "it" is we will understand our place in this world. But how does that help us live today? Should all our focus really be on finding out what this special "calling" is? Or are there other ways to figure it out without being too self-absorbed and miss out on other opportunities?

The truth is we are Called to many things. And for the most part, they are all something to do, someone to be, or something to receive. So I've picked out 12 different "callings" and I am going to hash out a new one every month. I'll give you the big reveal January 1st and then at the end of each month I'll share what I'm learning, along with some questions to help you work through this process right along with me. My hope is that during each month I will grow more and more deeply in my convictions, in my knowledge of who I am supposed to be, how I am supposed to live, and be better at trusting God with all of the circumstances of my life. Ultimately, I want to understand God better and live for Him more freely, with more reckless abandon and confident happiness. Sounds pretty lovely, right?

Here is how you can do this with me!

First off, subscribe to my monthly newsletter and you'll be reminded about the new facet of being Called we'll be working through that month. I know, maybe you already signed up for my newsletter and have only received one; that is completely my fault. Doing all this writing, tutoring, homeschooling at a new level, and Fall sports put me in a bad place, a place where only the absolutely most important things in my life got done. I'm still figuring out what gives me life and energy, and I am making better decisions about what I can or can't do. None-the-less, if you sign up for my newsletter, you WILL get to be a part of these 12 Months of Called.

Next, check in on my blog every month. If I were you, I'd even get a cheap notebook and write down some of the questions and thoughts you have along the way. I'll be sharing how I answer my own questions, but maybe God will be speaking to you in a different way, and chances are, you'll want to remember that.

Here are some of the types of questions I'll be asking:

- How does understanding this Call more deeply help me live better?
- How does knowing this Call change my life-goals?
- How does living by this Call change the way I should act?
- Is the way I am acting right this second in line with what I know?

These are healthy things to ask when you are learning anything, but I think it's especially important when it comes to understanding what we are Called to be, to do, and to receive. Calling is a lot less mysterious and far more practical than we make it out to be. I'm learning that God doesn't want to keep me in the dark about how I am supposed to live and what I am supposed to pursue, and I'm thrilled to be headed down this path of better understanding what it means to be Called.

Lastly, join our Facebook Group. I will post links to the blog posts and probably do a few giveaways too :) It will likely be the same content, but more personal interaction will be happening there.

As a little Christmas gift I will give you a hint before I wrap this up. In January, we'll explore the ultimate calling we have as Christians: to know God and enjoy Him forever. I'm convinced this doesn't just mean in eternity. Jesus brought the Kingdom to earth and we are meant to live in the enjoyment of His promises and presence here today too! From February on, we'll look at the smaller pieces under that big call, thinking through what kind of people we are called to be, how we are called to act toward others, and the different things God calls us to receive as gifts from Him. As we get going, I am convinced that all of these make a difference not just in our lives overall, but they shape individual moments in our days.

This is what I'm after; knowing God's Call in such a way that I can live with complete confidence, genuine joy, and perpetual peace.

Again, here is the link to sign up for my newsletter. I am excited to explore this with friends and sisters, with people who want to know the Lord better and are ready to seek Him out. His promises of wisdom and being found are what I will be clinging to in all of this (Deut. 4:29, Jer. 29:13, Matt. 4:7, Acts 17:27, James 1:5-8). Remember these as you pray and get ready for a New Year, and remember you are not going at it alone!

So who is with me? Feel free to ask questions in the comments, and tell me what you hope to find along this journey together. And in case you aren't excited yet, you just wait! I'm pretty sure my level of excitement is enough for at least 10 people :)

Merry Christmas, and see you January 1st!

When You Would.

Would has been the most difficult of these three words to wrap my mind around. While should and could definitely haunt me from time to time, would is often my fallback, the word easiest to use when I am feeling a little guilty over things in life I haven't done, events I have not participated in, or ambitions I left lying in the past.

When I first started playing around with the idea of blogging about these three words, my husband and I also started brainstorming a bit about a book. We even came up with a byline! Should, Could and Would: Learning to Live Free from Obligation, Regret, and Excuses. Sounds awesome, right? I want to live that way... until something hard comes up, and I'd rather find a really good reason to not participate, to spend my energy on myself, or do something else that seems more beneficial.

Diving right in here, take a minute to think about the full sentences you use with would.

I would have come to your event...

I would have brought them a meal...

I would have pursued that career...

In my life, would usually precedes the word but, and it's often used with an excuse. Don't get me wrong, sometimes your excuse might actually be a legitimate reason, but if you are using would regularly, there are probably some unresolved issues lingering in your heart and mind.

What I am seeing more clearly about would is helping me feel more grounded in my decisions. I have to come full circle again when I am wrestling with would and ask myself several questions to reach the heart of the issue. Did I really want to? Was I actually able to? Can I do something about it now?

For instance, your friend has a family crisis and someone sets up a meal-schedule to help them out. It's a crazy week for you and you end up missing out on being a meal-bearer that week. Before anyone questions your lack of participation, you are making excuses and giving reasons in your mind, and while it's all very understandable and legitimate, you are still struggling with guilt.  Here is one way I've found to get my heart and mind to a better place.

Did I really want to bring them a meal? Yes.

Was I able to bring them a meal? No. (insert the fact that many women might struggle with feeling guilty over it at this point)

Can I do something about it now? Yes!

If you are feeling torn up about what you were unable to do, take action now! It's never too late to call, email, or text and tell your friend you were unable to help a week or so ago, but are ready to help now. In fact, many people facing sudden crisis actually feel a bit lost and forgotten weeks after an incident, so a two-week-late response might be the timeliest act of love.

Let's use another example. If you are feeling would poking and prodding you about a missed opportunity, these questions can help you analyze if that opportunity is really gone forever or is as important as you think. For instance, I go through seasons of struggling with regret over not cultivating the artistic side of my life, specifically, learning how to paint. I took classes throughout my schooling years, but never did much beyond that. I long to do it, but somehow I just never seem to make it happen. So, I ask...

Do I really want to pursue being a painter? Maybe. I think so, someday?

Was I able to pursue it at one point? Yes.

Can I do something about it now? Yes!

I may not have the same opportunity as before, but answering these questions helps me see how much of a priority this really is, similar to the way we handled should.

What has really bothers me about dealing with would is the fact that I have to face the realities of my own laziness. Many of the things I feel frustrated about when I'm using the word would are things I kind of want, but not enough to do the hard work required. It's difficult to be that honest with myself, and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with these realities. Some pursuits are shallow, born out of a fleeting desire to find fame or fortune (more or less) and it's easy to see why they die on the side of the road. But other pursuits that are more worthwhile, endeavors I find good reasons to work toward, still find themselves being passed by because I am too lazy, too busy, or too tired to move forward with them.

Would is where I find myself at genuine crossroads. It's time to decide, to move forward, and to take action toward the goals I want to pursue. To be done with would is to make a choice and follow through. Would is where I feel paralyzed, afraid, and wondering if what I am doing is making any sense to the One who designed me. The only way I can move past these anxieties and unknown troubles is to trust in God's plan completely.

In order to take take action on the things we sit and think about, we have to know what we are doing is good and right. We have to trust that God uses even our mistakes and problems to eventually bring glory to Himself and allow us to know Him more deeply. Instead of simply thinking about what we would do, we need to consider what God desires. We can ask ourselves if pursuing specific endeavors are a pursuit of God or a pursuit of self. We can stop looking at what we would have done and instead look toward what we are able to do, seeking His will instead of our own. Then we have to get going. There's no getting around that - trust me, I'm an expert at planning, planning, planning, then avoiding, forgetting, and missing out, and it is not the better option.

As I make more and more effort to stop living with should, could, and would pestering me, I am finding more parts of myself I don't exactly like, or habits that are kind of shameful. But if I can turn all these shoulds, coulds, and woulds into reasons to look for God's will in my life, I receive His peace, His forgiveness, and His power to live free from obligation, guilt, and regret. I'm no longer looking to justify my actions, but seeing His glorious plans unfold in my life and the lives of those around me. The less amazing parts of me are shadowed by God's goodness showing up in unexpected places and I can see the progress He's made in perfecting me slowly.

This is what it means to get rid of should, could, and would. We take our eyes off ourselves, our plans, our abilities, and seek out the Creator.

What do I want? To know God and make Him known.

Can I do that? Only by His power.

Will I do that? Only by His faithful grace.

He promises we have all we need to walk uprightly, according to His will. Take Him up on that offer, dare Him to change and move you. I won't lie, it will be painful to rid of your fleshly desires and trade them for God's plans, but when you find yourself facing the day you were made for, the day you enter eternity, it will definitely have been worthwhile.

I hope these posts have been a good mix of practical and philosophical. It's important to think about the way we act, make decisions, and think, but it's also important to get to the actual doing. If you have any encouragement, questions, feedback, or other insights, I'd love to hear them! Feel free to comment here or email me directly. Maybe someday, I can sort this out enough for a book, but for now I pray that these posts are a small blessing to encourage you in your daily striving. Thanks for sticking with me and being patient :)

Summer Hiatus, Sort Of.

Hello there! Been a while, right?

We've had a few interesting weeks around here. I will update you on all the news and let you know how the summer will look for my blog.

I have had a rough couple of weeks in my own mind. I hate to even say "I struggle with depression" because what happens in my mind is not what I imagined depression to be like, but I'm starting to see that I do struggle with some sort of depression. It isn't completely debilitating, but I get sad, and a little too into my own head, making it hard to function sometimes. I over-think, I feel tired and exhausted, frustrated at things in my life and things not pertaining to my life, then I get mad about my thoughts feeling so heavy and crippling. It's a weird cycle, and it's really hard to break.

I'm not on any medication, and I don't know if I will ever be. Whenever I feel myself spiraling I start thinking about the question of finding help medically. Is it bad? Not necessarily. Do I need it? Again, not necessarily. Would it be helpful? Maybe. So when do I decide to take action? How bad do I need to feel in order to seek out help? Is there honor in struggling through when there is no real danger? How much does my family need to see me struggle and fight to find joy in the life God has given me? Or would they benefit from just having me be more "happy" on a regular basis? Then I keep asking myself these questions over and over again.

I've always been a bit melancholic, so all the questioning and deep thinking has been the norm for me since I can remember. I hope by writing about this struggle, you can see an example of what depression might look like, that you might give me grace when my writing gets a little "heady" or pessimistic, and that you would pray for me when you my words are few and sparse.

Another reason I have been a little absent the last few weeks is that we have decided to sell our house!

Last summer, we put the house on the market for 30 days thinking if it sold we would move, but if not, we'd stick around for another year. It didn't sell, so we stuck around. Early this April my husband and I said we'd still stick around for another year, and possibly buy-out my in-laws if they were ready to get out of the city. After a month of praying and talking together, we decided we weren't ready to take on such a big financial burden to stay in a place we don't love, and Mark's parents are pretty well done with city life too. So here we go, listing the house and waiting for it to sell.

We had open houses this past weekend, and I'm really hopeful this hot market will give us a quick, painless sale. The last three weeks I've been packing and cleaning like a mad-woman. It's so good we finished our schoolwork early, and that I am not speaking at practicum this summer. I will still be attending practicum for CC next week, as I'll be a tutor in Milwaukie again next year, so June is kind of a crazy month.

I am doing something super awesome in July though, and I am SO excited! I am going to a Speaking/Writing conference called SheSpeaks where I will be getting my heart, soul, and mind filled with all sorts of wisdom, advice and practical help with fulfilling my dream of writing and speaking. It's in North Carolina, and since my husband is amazing (and since it was only $100 difference) I'm flying over to Boston for a few days afterwards to visit my big sister! I've never seen the Atlantic Ocean before, or really any of the states or historic sites on the East Coast, so to say I'm really looking forward to it is a giant understatement.

I hope to write and tell you all about SheSpeaks and my trip to Boston both during my time there and shortly after, but no promises on that timeline ;) I might be packing and viewing houses like a crazy person. But I do hope to spend a good chunk of time this summer plotting and planning some more for this blog. I'd love your input too! Do you want me to talk more directly about homeschooling? Or do you prefer more general topics about life, parenting and learning overall? Any certain subjects you want to see my brain tackle? I have a bunch of my own ideas, but I really want to be able to share and write about topics that interest you!

So there you have it. That's my life right now. If you want to see pictures and other updates, follow me on instagram @jojococamo

Hope you are having a fabulous summer!

Being a Thinker.

Whenever I take personality quizzes, I have to laugh when I read some of the descriptions. Not because they are wrong, but because they are ever so right. They usually say something like "You sometimes overanalyze problems" or "You often overthink a scenario that might come to pass". It may seem like I am always changing to some people, but this personality trait has stuck with me since I can remember. If you know me well, you might be laughing about it too. When I try to explain problems I am dealing with to friends, the first response is usually "I think you might be thinking about this too much." Thinking about everything, all the time can sometimes be helpful, and it definitely has its place, but it may be my biggest hindrance in life.

Thinking deeply about critical and significant issues is commonplace to me. It's rare for a day to go by where I have not despaired about the state of our world or the tragedy taking place in the lives of people all over the globe. It's easy to let these thoughts run my day while running me into the ground. It is important to take time to understand the difficult circumstances people are in around the world, and it's important for us to consider the roots of these problems. We should consider how we contribute to any of these issues, how history has shaped the countries struggling around the globe, how our culture encourages materialism and physical success, and how those affect the people we live around and engage with.

Those are hard topics. It takes forever to gain a base of knowledge to feel remotely capable of finding a helpful solution. Trust me, I've wracked my brain over it more times than I can count. It can be exhausting to contemplate all of these difficult things and not have opportunity to affect change in what we think is powerful and effective. But, global crisis and hardships are not the only topics that deserve our deep thinking.

Thinking about our children, their strengths, their weaknesses, their habits, their loves and their needs is extremely important too. More important than the world will tell you. But then again, there are so many different opinions on where we find value in our children and what they mean to us. They vary from being the best thing that ever happened to us, the sunshine in our days, to just another member of the family. They can be seen as a hindrance on our ability to accomplish success, or an opportunity to spread the gospel, and more. I believe there is a balance to be found in all of it. Obviously, my kids' education is important enough for me to make it my full-time, low-paying job. Well, I actually only get paid for tutoring at CC, but that's still something. No matter where we place that line of how valuable our children are, we still have a lot of thinking to do when it comes to raising them.

We need to think long enough and hard enough about our decisions in order to move forward with confidence. If you can't do that, you will struggle with every challenging day (trust me, I do this way too often). Yesterday morning I was thinking way too hard about some writing I did the previous night. Words were not spilling out of me the way I had hoped. There were far fewer than I realized, which hardly ever happens in my mind or conversations. I woke up still feeling annoyed about it, then saw a homeschooling conference opportunity I was pretty sure wouldn't work out for me to attend. So what did I do? I just kept thinking! It was terrible. I was consumed in looking at what I needed to do and seeing it as a hindrance compared to what I wanted to do. I looked at all the dirty laundry and moaned because it would require some hours of light labor. I looked at my dirty shower and was pouty because I would need to spend another 10 minutes or so scrubbing. My brain was taking me to an unlovely place, and while I wasn't ready to admit I didn't want to go there, I really knew I was in some sort of trouble.

Then, the kids were kids. The boys were playing football in the hallway, Jovi was crying about everything, and I was ready for a nap at 9:30am. I showered, scrubbed, got dressed and even put on makeup. The boys were asking about going to a local football field and, by God's grace, I decided to go for it. We only spent 45 minutes there, but it was the most perfect 45 minutes. Oh, Jovi threw three lovely screaming fits, Asher and Cole fought about who was faster, Cole yelled about not playing anymore because Asher was indeed faster, but somehow, it was exactly what we all needed. The space, the endorphins, the cold air - it all worked out to restart my brain. My thoughts went from a high speed chase of over-thinking this time in my life, to considering my children, my job and my future as a glorious task God has granted me.

I really wanted to share this with you because being stuck in my own head seems to be the biggest wall I face in homeschooling on a pretty regular basis. Homeschooling doesn't feel hard because of my kids' attitudes (though it definitely makes it harder), or because of my laundry schedule, or even because of my weariness. Homeschooling is hard because my mind gets caught up on things which have no bearing, no place in my mind and soul. I don't need to waste time moaning about the loss of 10 more minutes, or two more loads of laundry. God has got it more than covered. I would rather save that mental energy for looking into the lives of my children, seeing what they see, and giving them what only I can give.

When my husband and I were first making the decision of whether or not to homeschool, we landed on this: we believe personal investment and the knowledge of Jesus our savior to be the most important factors in our kids' educations and lives. We believe we are able to give this to them better than any affordable school option we've found. If there comes a day where we are no longer able to give them these things, we will reconsider how we school. For now, these two ambitions are my priority, our family's priority. They come before accomplishing my personal writing goals (though I am making headway on them), before reading the latest book on my ever growing list, before feeling like I have got it all under control or staying on top of my social calendar. I am still ambitious, full of goals and dreams, but my selfishness needs to take a back seat, probably permanently, so I can show my family Jesus by giving up my life for theirs. This might sound terribly self-demeaning, but I am confident I will not regret it. My investment in them is also an investment in myself, both here on earth and in eternity. I'm convinced I will never regret teaching them the gospel by first living it out. Living it out perfectly, or even very well, every day is more than impossible, but God enjoys using us for these types of impossible tasks. I'm going to stay ambitious, stay driven, and seek His excellence every day. The more I see it, the more my kids will see it, and eventually, the more the world will see it too. I can think of no greater honor than to behold and partake in the glory and excellence of Christ. I'm grateful I can do it every day, and that I can share it with my children as well.

I challenge you to look at your thoughts today. Don't only observe what they are, but take time to consider where they come from, if they are rooted in truth, and what they are leading you towards. The big issues in our world eventually dwindle down to small things. Each large movement in history has started with just thoughts and intentions, eventually becoming actions of the people involved. It is worthwhile to spend time thinking, and it is necessary for you too. The time you spend placing your mind where it should be, the less time you spend fighting it on difficult days. You will know the place this work has in your life, and your heart will settle on it contentedly. You will not be lacking passion, but your passion will be ignited with confidence. This is what I dream about - confidence in my daily work, leading to excellence, exuberance and a joy that will never diminish. This is what we have in Christ. And this is what we can offer our children. What a gift!